I totally agree wit hwhat you are saying; but letting go is real hard. Whenever I try, I feel like I will lose her forever and then I realize that she wold go anyway. That is what scares me.
On top of it, like I was saying, I am unpacking stuffand along with that card, I came across a birthday card from my grandmother who died a few years back and had pretty much been out of it in a nursing home for years. It pretty much told me how she loved me and I was her number one grandson. I just can't seem to catch a break on anything. I mean I am glad that I still have that; but it hurt to read it. Not only did I lose my family; but losing my grandmother hurt alot.
Well quick note. I met up with my couin last night. I had seen him earlier in the day and he invited me to meet he and his friends at this restaurant lounge. I forced myself to go and it passed the time; but it was hard, as I did have a good time; but as usual my mind was elsewhere. I am trying to do other stuff and GAL; but I haven't found my niche yet. It also is very hardto let go of her even if she has somewhat.
I guess I try and stay positive that something will break; but I don't know
What did the Clash say? "Should I stay or should I go?" I just wonder if it is the newness of the breakup with the OM or if she just doesn't care enough; but knew I would be there for her?
Frank
P.S. Never heard back from this acquaintance I know about going to the Billy Joel concert tomorrow night. All I want to do is not waste the tickets; but like I said before I have noone to go with. Another thing is that my X gets to have get togethers with common friends we have; because of her having the kids most of the time and having a house to entertain in, even though she has no job!!! I love her; but I resent her sometimes when she seems to get away with the OM thing and just gets to move on with life like it never happened. Meanwhile I try and do the right things and I lose alot.
Man, still unpacking things and coming across alot of cards to her that she had saved. If only my actions and what I have written in those cards could be seen clearly by her...Maybe they would make a difference. They would to me. It is so sad to see where we were and knowing that we could strive to get back to that loving place; but it is her that needs to open up and see that it can work. I know it is probably hopeless; but why can't people, not just my X; but all that go through non-violent marriage troubles see that it is worth trying again???
We all make the assumption that it can't get better, when in actuality, it can and would based on the knowledge and self reflection that we do during this. I think separation or divorce is bad; but sometimes it is a necessary evil to bring us back to where we should be and realize what is important. However, in the same vein, people need to realize it is worth trying again.
