I guess I am just bummed that I haven't seen more of an indication from her as to what she is thinking after what she has said to me last weekend...
I guess I am looking for normal responses to normal interactions and for this post divorce sitch, it isn't normal...So, I guess the indicators that I am used to seeing may not be the same in this sitch or they may not mean thesame things...Guess I'll have to wait and see...all the while being cautious about the shoe dropping...
Dude I got more then sex lastnight. Went ot a friends house, his wife and my stbxw got a bit tipsy and made out with eachother. That rocked hehe. My dear little girl is growing up!! more way then one.
Quote: So, is there anyone out there who has had things work out for them and how long did it take???
Yeah, me. It took three years. I first got over my first wife, then took my time getting to know and fall in love with someone else, then married her. Of course, now I'm divorced yet again so I'll have to start over again. Willowwalk is a success story though.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks Just...I have been reading Wllwlk's post and find them insightful...If only I could see whether my X is being nice and is still confused or if she is just being nice. I guess you don't know. My issue is that I would like to fix things now; but I know the reality is that it does not happen in the time frame we want.
It gets hard to keep plugging along and hoping and not knowing if it will happen. I do know that I am not pushing and that everything I do about how I am is for me; but it is also in hopes that our family can fix things. This is really hard.
In addition, being single I haven't done some things I enjoy doing; because they aren't fun to do alone. For example, I have tickets to see Billy Joel. I really want to see him and I know my X likes him too...we used to go see him whenever he came to town. So, I would like to ask her; but am waiting for the right time. Just not sure what her answer will be and what she thinks my asking means. Actually, it means nothing other than 2 people going to see a concert they both would enjoy. Sure, it puts us together to have interaction; but that is not the primary reason for asking her. Not sure how to approach her about it.
Posting in case Willow has time to take a look...Others can comment too...just looking for opinions and insights...
In addition, some thoughts I emailed to an old friend from DB:
X and I went out for a drink about a month ago and she wanted to go. Once we were out, I just talked about innocuos things. At one point she ended up telling me how she got involved with old next door neighbor, who is married; but claims it happened months after our separation...Still was talking to him when we went for drinks...BTW, that same night she I and the kids all went to a Christmas thing dowtown in the city she lives in...
Anyway, we went out and when she told me that, she started crying...4 times in fact!!! She never shows emotion??? She also said you wouldn't like me if you knew what I did. "I am not the person everyone thinks I am" I asked her if she was a lesbian and she said no...so, this is about her and that guy. Also, she swore she would never get one and she got a tattoo. Tells me not to tell her parents and hides it from them!!! (My daughter saw it too...she told her to not say anything either) Well, we walked out of there and she held my hand and gave each other a quick kiss goodnight...Since then it has been good; but she gets a bit standoffish...So as not to make it look like she needs me for anything :-(
We had originally agreed to go to a play together; but nothing has been out there to see...so, I haven't mentioned it in over a month. I did however get ahold of Billy Joel tickets and haven't been to a concert in a year because I don't want to go alone. I know she likes him and would like to ask her to go (Jan. 30); but not sure how and when to ask??? (She had even mentioned he was coming to town when we went for the drink)
I like that -- that's what I call my grandson #1 (Tristan).
Anyway, I saw your post and I will try to respond tonight.
A couple of thoughts/questions to get you thinking, though:
1) How long were you married/together? MW says to plan roughly 1 month per year of the R. That seemed to hold fairly true in my case, even though there were a couple of derailments caused my own crazy-making.
2) Go back and read Gabe's post to you from about a month ago. He asks some very good questions and makes some very good points. You need to move your focus from your XW to yourself. What are you doing to care for yourself? To improve yourself? To grow? What are you doing to make yourself a better person, a better man?
tmanboodi is actually 2 nicknames for 2 of my sons...T-man (Thomas - my stepson and my other son used to make a sound like boodi when he was little!!!)
To answer your questions:
We were married for 11yrs...Have known each other for 20yrs (dated way back off and on)
As far as what I am doing to care for myself.
I from day one of this asked her to go to counselling and when she didn't, I went and still do.
I have tried to improve myself by seeing the things that I was doing that were making me the person I didn't want to be. I have been working hard to get back to the person I used to be many years ago. The one who didn't let the little things bother him. I got to a point where I started disliking everything around me and nothing ever seemed good. Some of that was a result of her not supporting me sometimes; but I let life get to me and now I try and let stuff slide. I kind of ignore the stupid things I used to let get me angry. I wish I had realized this way back and maybe it would have made a difference. Who knows?
I also workout. I had gained some weight during marriage and felt like I was disappointing her. In the end it bothered me too. It is hard to do the workouts; but it feels good and I feel better about me. I used to be very thin like my X. Now I am in better shape and have a better attitude. Kind of stinks to think that all this will maybe be for someone else and not her.
Go to Church...pray alot (not just for me!!!)
BOught gifts for kids who didn't have as much.
In addition, I hang with friends who have always been there for me and I try and date every so often; but nothing that makes me feel like I want to move on.
Just kiddin', of course. 
