I don't ttotally disagree with you...However, she has never had trouble saying no before and like I said she is the one who suggested the sitter...The only mistake I have made was to be insecure and ask about it again.
I do know from our previous outing, that she is guilty, confused and not knowing what to do...I just am not good ant sitting back and making like I have a great life going on. My life is ok; but I get to where I think if I go out with her once in a while, that we will make a breakthrough....I just don't want to do it too often until I know whether I am being used to go out or if like she told me Saturday that she is lost and confused.
Believe me, if I knew something else better was coming, then I guess I might see her diffeently; but I will always love her not matter what relationship I am in in the future...I guess I am afraid to blow it and right now there is nothing for me to blow...It is up to her to deal wit hthings and show me that she wants to work with me!!!
I don't totally disagree with you...However, she has never had trouble saying no before
Well it seems as if she's having trouble saying "no" now.
and like I said she is the one who suggested the sitter...The only mistake I have made was to be insecure and ask about it again.
OK, so now you know not to appear insecure.
I just am not good at sitting back and making like I have a great life going on. My life is ok; but I get to where I think if I go out with her once in a while, that we will make a breakthrough....I just don't want to do it too often until I know whether I am being used to go out or if like she told me Saturday that she is lost and confused.
OK. You don't have to make like you have a great life... just make it as great as you can for yourself and you don't have to share any details about it... but do look to make it better for yourself.
Insofar as her motives go, you'll be able to discern that more clearly with time and if you take a step back to see clearer.
Perhaps set a decent deadline for when she needs to let you know about the show, then stop mentioning it altogether and see what happens. Expect nothing. If something happens, then great, be delighted. If nothing happens, it's not the end of the world. And... there is better coming, whether with her or not, I believe that, but you have to believe it too and get ready for it.
tman, what I have learned is you have to give her space and let her contact you. I call my wife maybe 1 or 2 times a week to say hi to the kids, she calls me 3 to 5 times aday. I no longer am trying to get her back, im just going to be her friend and hope for the best.
I can see cracks in her armor now, but those dont last long then she becomes that woman again. Im done worring about other guys. I know she has been with guys, i know she is not serious with anyone. I know that no one will ever take my place even if she gets married again, we were together for 21 years.
So if she comes back to me she does, I hope she does.
Give your wife sometime, I have been at this for 6 months now and I can see it going another year God I hope not
One of my other issues, is how will I know that she has given up this cheating man...I don't want to spy on her; but that is a significant factor in how long I am willing to give her an opportunity to fix things...
I am leaving the door open for her if she chooses; but also going out doing things...However, if she is unable to walk away from an adulterous relationship, then she is not for me...I don't believe that she is who she is guilty about being...she just needs to admit it to herself...
I am not saying if she stops dealingwith him, that it will be us together...Just that I will know I am back on an even playing field because she has given up something that is wrong...dating a married man...doing that will restore some faith I have in her and who she really is.
I want to feel better about my decision to leave the door ajar and that would be an indication that I am not looking for the wrong kind of woman...(Sure, it would also make me feel better about the person I thought I knew and married...I could see it as a MLC or mistake in a weak moment)
how will I know that she has given up this cheating man...I don't want to spy on her; but that is a significant factor in how long I am willing to give her an opportunity to fix things
You're not at a stage where anyone fixes anything. You haven't won her back. If she ever does come to a decision to reconsider the relationship, that's when you guys work on repairing or rebuilding it. Then, keep your eyes and ears open. If it walks like a duck...
I don't believe that she is who she is guilty about being...she just needs to admit it to herself
Less thinking about her and more about you. Get yourself ready for the rest of your life. It may be with her again someday, or maybe with someone else, but either way, prepare yourself for that next chapter so that it's not a replay, at least not on your part. What is it about you that can be better, happier? Focus on you.
Just that I will know I am back on an even playing field because she has given up something that is wrong
There's always a risk, whether it's with her or someone else. But... if you've done the work on yourself, you'll have been refined by fire. You will be stronger. You'll pay more attention to those nuances that signal potential problems so as to attend to them. You'll make better decisions.
I know what you are saying...I guess I am just venting as it hurts alot and know that I can't take this attitude into the times I meet with her...for pickup of the kids or whatever...I want to maintain myself while she works through stuff and I guess I have a hard time and get stressed and just want to maintain the cordialness I have had with her all along...Can't lose it now...
Man, last night was hard...I went to see my stepson do a hip hop dance in a show and I planned on going and sitting down by myself...When I got there I went to the bathroom and when I came out, I ran smack dab into my stepson, my daughter and X-MIL...My X was parking the car...Anyway, I said hi to them and wished my stepson good luck...
I then went in to the auditorium and found a seat...A bit later they came in and my X-MIL asked if the seats were taken near me...I said no; but that the seats wern't that great and that some up higher were better...So, I said to my X is it ok to sit with my daughter...She said that's fine; but seemed bugged either by me doing that or something else.
Anyway, I spent the whole show sitting with my daughter...trying and succeeding at having minimal contact with my X...I was trying to give her her space...I honestly wanted to just sit with my daughter and also not give impression I was doing it because of her, which I wasn't...
She seemed more distant last night...We had contact the day before and things went ok...It's just that rollercoaster...I am pursuing other things too, like this woman who approached me on one of those internet sites...
I know my X is still in contact with this OM and that is not my business; but I have a hard time with wanting to see my kids in sitchs like that; but not want to look like I am doing it because of her. It's hard. I just don't want her to think I am pursuing her; but before this I felt like I was getting, by her actions, the opportunity to see my kids a bit more and interact with her too...I just feel like she is about to lash back and I don't want to see that happen...From just a getting along point, it has been better and I at least don't want to see that go backwards...
I am trying to distance myself from her a bit; because I am not getting any feedback from her in any respect even though she told me it mattered to her what I felt about her...
I am going out for coffee on Wed...with a woman and we'll see...this is just tough when you hope for something and are not sure whether it will ever get there...Hard to move on...but hope too
Good luck man, my wife and I have talked about getting back together over the last 5 days, but right now she just does not want to be married, to me or anyone. She does not want to feel like she has to answer to anyone. She likes our relationship now, we hang out, have sex, be with our daughter. So right now im not sure what will happen.
Actually, I would love that too; but could only handle it if it was in the context of a time where we were working it out...which may never happen...My head says to give up based upon her non-responsiveness towards me as far as talking about doing something or such...I am trying not to ask her about going out for a bit...Basically, I am trying to back off and not pressure her...let her think about things if she is...But my heart still says don't give up...
Well, I gues only time will tell...I guess I have far more faith than she does...I cannot honestly see how anyone can go out with a married person...very rarely does it ever go anywhere...but that is not my problem that is hers...My problem comes when/if she ever decides to approach me to work it out...
If not, I keep going on and who knows eventually, if it is not to be with her, it will fade and someone else will be there...just hard to conceive of that now...I wish for it to work; but I am just letting it go a little...she may even dump on me nexxt time I see her who knows.
God I hope not