X wife of 6 months been apart for 1-1/2 yrs...believe she was having an MLC...got tattoo, which she always said she never would do...had a boyfriend of some sort.
Anyway, everytime we would get along, she would pull back up until 3 weeks ago. She laid into me about a bunch of stuff...now it seems different???
I was with friends at the Santa Parade and she was their with parents...My kids were playing in the leaves on my side of the street...she came over and asked if we were looking for them...I told her no, we saw you over there. Well, we talked for a few minutes and then I asked her how her back was doing. She had slipped down the stairs a week before. She starts to show me her bruise on her back by pulling back her lower part of shirt and pants...Then she says, I am not going to pull my pants back any further lol
At this point I see tattoo on her belt line in front. I so, you got a tattoo, why MLC? She almost stares back in agreement. Then She says, yeah (Actually got it before she denied having one!!) Well, then she says don't tell my parents???? She says lots of issues and that she could use a drink...So, stupid me says "Would you like to get a drink sometime?" She looks back at me and doesn't know what to say. I tell her its a simple question yes or no? Well??? Then she says ok and then a few minutes later qualifies it with being a friendly meeting. I ask her when she might be free and she says she would have to work on it; because her only free time is when I have the kids. Well, she goes back and later in the parking lot I tell her I will give her a call about the drink...she says ok. We drive off.
No contact till Monday when she calls to verify our parent/teacher conference time. On Tuesday, I have to pick up my kids after meeting. So, just before leaving meeting, I say to her have you arranged anything to get out? She says she is working on it...So far so good I really thought she would back out. Well, now she is willing to tell her parents and ask them to watch the kids...She also tells me that there is a stroll downtown on Saturday and that we could all meet an go. I don't know what is going on; but I am leery to get my hopes up; but this is the chance I have been looking for and am afraid to blow it or press her...
Well, looking for thoughts on this from others who have been here???
Back up, NOW. Stop chasing her. You are giving her the full-court press, no wonder she will not give you an answer. Would you have acted like this when you first met? How would she have reacted?
Stop asking. If she mentions it, great, if not, keep moving. You are taking a possible get together as suddenly she wants to be back together.
You are setting yourself up for hurt with unrealistic expectations.
Relax. Be the confident person you were when you first met. Pursuit is unattractive, especially in a tenuous situation.
I am not trying to press her...What I am tryingto do is not get hurt; but I guess I have to take that chance...just confused why she agreed to go for a drinK after being so adimant about not having anything to do with me 3 weeks ago?
Just confused and wondering...I know, just go and see what happens..
Well, I called last night to see how their Thanksgiving went. My youngest ended up hanging up before I could talk to all of them. So, I called back and finished...Then he go back on the phone kept saying gobble gobble then humg up...So didn't get to speak to X.
Anyway, was headed into movies with friends and my cell rang...It was X...she put My youngest on...she said he was crying because he wanted to talk some more and had hung up...
After talking to him I tallked to X and stupid me asked her about whether she had a sitter this weekend. She told me she had talked to her mom and had one; but that there was a problem with Friday...She told the kids she would take them to the library to see Polar Express at 7pm...She didn't know what time it got oot or if her mom was going...So, she said we could play it by ear...I unfortunately pushed a little and said unless your mom can't do the sitting, we should plan on going after. She said ok and I told her I would call her tomorrow...looks ok and hope I can just be me with no R talk...
Also, myself X and kids are supposed to go to downtown entertainment and tree lighting thing tomorrow night, so hope there is no overload :-)
I just want her to be open to seeing me and who I am today...I know I am stressing; but it is natural, as I want it to go well.
Well, went out for drinks tonight an d she kept getting upset and telling me that she is not who everyone think she is...ANyway, what I got out of it is that after our divorce she screwed around with my married next door neighbor and he is still pursuing her; but she is willing to go out to a play and such with me and thenqualifies it as friends...THat's ok with me; but I wonder how hard do I fight to get her and how...I can forgive...
ALso, I dislike this guy som much and guess what, he has the same name as me :-(
She seems confused and not sure what to do...On one hand she seems to like this guy now; but then she will go out with me??? IS this wrth pursuing and how???
Definitely not sure how to successfully DB here; but I want to and not sure why??
Been there man. My wife is flat out in the middle of a MCl. She got the tattoos the bellyring and she is 37 years old. She had an affair, she has been with 7 guys so far. She is not seeing anyone serious now. We to dated and we are still having fantastic sex right now.
Give her space, I dont call my wife unless its for my daughter, she calls me, all the time LOL. I got the "I love you but not in love with you" crap. I love my wife more then anything and right now she is going thru this jouney and all I can do is support her or just walk away, I choose to support her and be here for her if she needs me.
I dont know if I will ever get back with her but I do know we will be friends. She has caused ungodly pain to me and someday she will really know what kinda of man I am.
Thanks for the reply...I just feel like she is so afraid that I will not accept whatever she has done...On the other hand, maybe she doesn't want to hurt me...If she loves this guy, she is messed up; becaus he is married and using her...
I love my kids and try to be there for them; but if the 2 of them ever got together I would be scared for my kids...
She won't even tell her parents about this or anyone.
What is it that drives people to go out with a marrid person.
I asked her if she was a lesbian and she denies that...Maybe she is bisexual, I don't know what is up with her...All I know is she is carrying around guilt for something and as much as I want to support her and help her...Iam not the person who can do that...I am too close to the sitch and I feel like I am in endless circle...
I love her would want her back; but it is so hard to keep putting my life on hold...She is one of 2 women I ever truly loved and letting go and never being with her again is so hard...I am lost as to how to cope or deal with this further...Do I keep the door open???
Insights, anything...I am afraid to let go; but feel I might have to.
Yea im scared to, I dont want to get to the point where I dont love her anymore but im affraid I will someday.
My wife was having an affair with a co-worker and he is married. It almost destroyed his marriage and really hurt my wife. I was there for all of it. The break up was hard on her and I had updates all the time. The wife called my wife and boy it got ugly. Im just glad now that they hate eachother and she saw him for what he was and he was just what I told her he was.
My wifes parents know almost everything because I told them. She was doing some of the stupidest stuff in the world and they needed to know. She lost her sister because of this, they are no longer very close like they were at one time.
My wife says she has no guilt but it does eat her up inside and I can tell it does. She once told me that she did not deserve my love. That might be part of the reason she is going out all the time she is trying to hide her guilt. She has time after time tryied to get me to sleep with soemone else, just to make her guilt go away. But so far I have not.
Stay as long as your heart can take but just watch it. Dont let your self get hopefull only to have those hopes crushed.
