Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Learning to Trust Myself IV

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My sister wants me to come to NY with her for a weekend in January or February

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I vote for going!

VJ

Thanks for your vote VJ! Are you also volunteering for the exorcism?!

I'm still at home with S5, poor little guy is very sick. Hopefully, he'll be well enough to go back to school tomorrow. I've been trying to work from home as much as possible.

Not too much is happening. I'm pretty unmotivated as far as H goes. I took off my rings Friday for karate and haven't quite gotten around to putting them back on again. I will put them back on even though I don't really want to. I still haven't fully recovered my 'can do' attitude toward my M I guess.

My brother should be moving out tonight, his townhouse was ready yesterday. I won't miss his animals!

That's about it!

I still haven't fully recovered my 'can do' attitude toward my M I guess.

It's ok to take a breather once in a while.

It's ok to take a breather once in a while.

If things don't get dramatically better, I wish that someday soon it will be more than just a breather. Really.

I took S5 to the doctor b/c he said his ear hurt when he coughed. Sure enough, he has an ear infection. First one ever. The doctor thinks all his symptoms are coming from that. I pick up his antibiotics in about an hour. My poor baby....sigh.

Heather,

Don't pressure yourself to see things get dramatically better. Just take the time you need to give yourself a break. You have a tremendous amount on your plate right now, and lots of us with lots of ideas that may or may not work for you.

Just give yourself as much time off as you need. Take care of S5. Someday he'll smile at you in the photo of him in his Middie uniform for that.

Thanks,

K

Thanks.....I don't pray much myself

I joined a virtual prayer group over on the "We're seperated" forum. I saw that you appreciate people praying for you. I'll be praying for you and Matt.

Take care of S5. Someday he'll smile at you in the photo of him in his Middie uniform for that.



Don't pressure yourself to see things get dramatically better.

This makes sense, but I don't know how to do it. I'm a fixer and H knows it. My options are so limited. I can stay here and give up, live for myself and put up with H's crap. I can stay here and continue to brainstorm ways I can make things better, still having to put up with H's crap. I can try to get H to sign a 50/50 custody agreement drafted by yours truly and move out (knowing that leaving could affect my chances of getting more custody if I should choose to since H keeps the house). If H won't sign any kind of custody agreement drafted by me, then I *have* to file for D. According to my lawyer, the courts will likely not hear our case for custody if we are still living together unless a petition for D has been filed. But I can't leave or else I risk being nailed for abandonment. And we know H isn't going anywhere. I don't want to jump to filing for D for crying out loud, but that's what I had to do back in May. And H didn't understand why I would do that. I guess I can explain all this to him, but I've been afraid to do that in the past because I'm afraid he will use the knowledge only to make things even harder for me.
These days, I've been thinking my best option is to live my life. If I want to go to my friend's x-mas party, then I should go. If I want to go to NY with my sister, then I should go. If I want to go to karate three times a week then I should go. Maybe if I stop being so considerate of his feelings, he will be more ready to end the M and will cooperate.
I can't help but stress over this stuff and which is the best option.

I'll be praying for you and Matt.

Jabez...thank you.

{{{Heather}}} It's hard to be a fixer and be where you are. Hard to know there's a better way to live and not have a partner that's willing to work for that. Right now your H's focus seems to be on punishing you. Unless he moves past that, there's not much to be done except live your own life is there?

I'd say your right on the money. The best thing might just be to focus on you and living your life until the solution becomes more clear or workable. It's hard to do that. I'm struggling myself. Maybe if we apply ourselves to that goal and fix life for ourselves, some of the obstacles to our happiness will fall away as a result. I mean, if your H wants to make this as hard as possible on you, there's nothing you can do to change that. The best you can do is help yourself to find happiness whatever he throws your way, and hopefully become strong enough to withstand whatever the future holds.

I'm so sorry you've come to this place Heather. Live a good day today for YOU and your babies! H will be there to worry about when you can deal with it again.

Sheila

Right now your H's focus seems to be on punishing you. Unless he moves past that, there's not much to be done except live your own life is there?

That depends on whether I take the "whatever it takes to salvage my M" approach or the "screw it, he'll never forgive me so I'm going to live my life approach". This approach has to be decided in advance of doing certain things that I know will set him off, like going to NY with my sister.

I'm hanging in there....I was just thinking that I seem to get this way every time H is supposed to come home. Does it seem that way to you? Maybe things will be ok once he gets home, maybe the anticipation of him coming back into our daily lives is worse than the actual return.
I put my rings back on today. I was sort of tempted not to. Then I came to my senses. I need to stay true to myself, not participate in the games H plays. So, that's that.

I was just thinking also that H hasn't asked a single thing about me lately. With S5 being sick, he hasn't asked how my work is handling me being out all week, if I've been getting enought sleep, nothing. He didn't ask anything about my well being last time S5 was sick either. Do I make a bigger deal out of that than it is? I mean, maybe men are just different like that, that he hasn't really thought about how this might be affecting me? I haven't exactly asked him how it's affecting him to be gone either, ya know?