Quote: sexual innuendo, confidant humor will not incite her to attack you. LOL. well sometimes it does, right baltoman?
Interesting event Christmas morning. After D10 shredded through all her gifts, I was in the kitchen and I saw my W approaching me. She came up to me and firmly planted a long loving kiss on my lips and said I love you. Then she said, I'll give you your 'real' christmas present later tonight.
I should have said I wanted to open that present now, right then and there. But it wasn't an option at the time. With a grin, I told her that "that" was a present that I would be looking forward to. Now, in the back of my mind I'll admit that I was a little pessimistic. I knew that we had a very long day ahead of us and would not be home until late that evening. I did however, appreaciate her doing that and verbally sharing her thought. At least she was thinking about it.
So, what happened last night? NULL... Both of us fell asleep on the sofa within 30 minutes of arriving home, while D10 played with some new interactive toy on the TV.
I don't intend to raise a "stink" about it. I fell through on my part and just couldn't for the life of me, keep my eyes proped open and she was pretty much the same. I will insist on "opening that present today". Maybe there will be a "Day after Christmas Special... 2 for 1.
Quote: If she says I dont want to, stop, look at her, then give her a peck say 'ok' or 'ok we will finish this later.' then go do whatever you were doing. Without reactivity.
Blackie,
She has admittted to me at one time that she is an "arousal then desire" type female. So I wouldn't expect to get the 'I don't want to stop' reaction, unless we were pretty much well on our way. But I can see how that approach would really create a lot of desire and build up a boat load of sexual tension. I'll test those waters today and see if I can include something along those lines.
Snook.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Don't sweat my pet. You need to give up your power (sometimes). When you get into your next R, make sure to share some of "the power". You really need more of a balance BF. You're usually too guarded. When you let your guard down, you actually appear much more attractive. Just FYI.
Supplicating and Placting have been scratched off for obvious reasons. Playful, flirty sexual banter have been added. Also included is the recently re-discovered long sensual kiss... Anything to add?
Hi Snook. How about adding a little EC through your own vulnerability. Tell her what you REALLY want from her, from your future, how she is effecting you emotionally. Women usually love that sh*t! Not sure if you do that usually or not but if you don't, that's good 180.
About your suggestion of adding some vulnerability. You know, I have really been thinking this one over. Although I don't do that with and it might be a positive 180. It seems to me, that approach might be going in the opposite direction if I'm trying to steer away from the doting arena. KWIM?
I suppose that, if it could be done in a strong, confident manner, then maybe it would work. Like BF said "it's all in the delivery". But then I imagine that it would'nt be as effective in the way that you suggested. I'm going to hold back with that one for now (a little farther down on the list), until I begin to see that we've made some EC progess.
Thanks again, Snook.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
Quote: I will insist on "opening that present today". Maybe there will be a "Day after Christmas Special...
.
We still havn't had the oppertunity to get at the other "present" my wife mentioned Christmas day.
Well, it appears that the Snook household has been visited several Christmas Ghosts' this weekend. Not only did the Ghost of Christmas "Present" show up Saturday Night with all of the wonderful gifts around the tree. But then Sunday night, appearently the Ghost of Christmas Past showed up as well. In this case, it took on the form of the Tooth Fairy.
My wife got up about mid-morning and came into the kitchen. At first I thought of Marlin Brando in the GodFather. But when I looked at her face again, I realized that the "marbles" were only on one side. I knew right away that the Tooth Fairy from H$ll had stopped by and left my wife a "gift". Yep, you guessed it, an Abscessed Tooth! She had said Christmas day while we were our her sisters house, that one of her teeth was bothering her a little. And Wow, how do those things pop up so darn fast?
OMG, my wife, the poor thing, she looked pretty bad. Like someone had really socked her in the jaw. In between keeping our D10 busy, I spent the day making phone calls, filling fresh ice packs and letting my wife get some rest. We have dental insurance, but neither one has gone to a dentists is so long, I didn't know who our designated dentist was or who to call. There were no answers at the 1-800 #'s. In the end, my MIL came through. Appearently one of her friends, is the mother of my wifes family's regular dentist. It's the one my W and her sisters all went to when they were little. It's a real family practice because all of his childern have become dentists too. So, she already has an appointment first thing this morning with one of the dentists sons (Thanks Mom). I told my wife that I'd take today off to help her so that she didn't have to drive the 50+ mile round trip alone by herself with D10. She was starting to get some pain and throbbing later last night, but is sleeping quitely now.
Murphy strikes again. Why do these things seem to only happen on Holiday weekends when all of the Dr's office's are closed. We'll see how today goes, hopefully she can get some relief.
As far as the Christmas Nookie?
Well, Abscess makes that Heart Grow Fonder...
Snook.
Last edited by snookchaser; 12/27/0511:27 AM.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
So sorry about W's tooth. I'm even sorrier that your Christmas gift had to stay wrapped. Maybe for New Years?
Anyway, about the vulnerability....There is a time and a place for it. Right now it is ok to show vulnerability in the sense of "I'm so sorry that you are hurting" or "I'm really aching to ML but I understand." You are doing the right thing by taking care of her when she is hurting. I pretty much suspect you are a good guy snook. That isn't a bad thing.
Thanks for the encouragement. About the vulnerability, despite everything else, its a natural reaction for me to be sympathic and helpful when someone close to me is hurting. Seems that I've received a lot of extra long hugs from my W over the past two days, "just because".
I am so sorry about your home disaster and glad on one was hurt. I do hope that things are taking shape for the restoration. I'm sure that there will be a light at the end of that tunnel very soon.
I can relate to your difficulties with a home disaster and the insurance companies at a time like that. We are located in what became ground zero for last year's hurricane season. Hurricane Charlie, Francis and Jeanne had all really unleashed their power on this area. Charlie was the worst for us. The storm hit our home late that Friday evening (the 13th!). I had been attending a conference that week in San Diego and couldn't get a early flight back home ahead of the storm. So, the only help I could offer my W and D10 was to talk to them while the storm ripped through our neighborhood was over the cell phone, while they were huddled in a closet in the safest part of the house. I talked to them once after the storm has passed and I knew that they were alright. Then after that nothing, the cell quit working. I felt totally helpless a thousand miles away. It took me days to make my way home and I spent several of them sleeping in the Denver airport.
There was no structural damage but trees down and the roof was peeled down the plywood in many areas. The next few weeks has us dodging the other two storms. After that we lived with a blue tarp roof for many, many months. I still occasionally find a piece of roofing shingle while out working in the yard. I now look back at all that happend and think how blessed we are for enduring that and how it brought everyone, my family, my friends and even my neighbors all closer together.
Hang in there, it will get better.
Snook.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
We returned later yesterday from our outing to my W's dentist. She now has two less teeth to brush in the back of her mouth. Ouch! A double extraction! Not much else to report on she slept most of the afternoon. She'll probably be sore for a day or two as we wait for the swelling to go down. Back to work today though, so gotta run.
Snook.
"And wrinkles only go where the smiles have been." J. Buffett
As far as the Christmas Nookie? Well, Abscess makes that Heart Grow Fonder... Lol, good one Snook. Sorry about your W teeth. About the vulnerablility, it sounds like that isn't really a 180 for you so maybe not the best tactic. Hope things look up for you soon.
When you get into your next R, make sure to share some of "the power".
Ive responded to this post several times LFL. here is the one you get to see.
Logically, I know you are right. Truthfully, I tried. years ago. And just got used to having, delegating, carrying it all. Emotionally, I react to your statement with, do you mean share my power, as in opportunity, and the most powerful frame of all.......... choice?
Not a ice sliver chance in heLL, I respond with full emotional reactivity.
But you poked squarely into my issue, trust.
Ever read Social Theory and Social Structure by Robert Merton Probably required reading in your educational field. Advanced pygmalion stuff. oldie but a goodie, IMO.
I thought of going on a whithering diatribe of my self, did actually, but I already own mine, and am clearly seeing hers too. Pretty much always did see hers, put my rose colored glasses on towards the end. (or maybe that was because she was just so smoking hot.... I never should have put her on that workout..... ) Currently the glasses are off, I think, and I still think she is a pure woman thru and thru, and was a great wife, untill she wasnt. I knew how to lead to be attractive, didnt know how to lead a M for long term success. Different applications, different perspectives needed, removing polyester suit....may now know, may not, but often doubt ability to overcome own issues with trust and self fulfilling outcomes. (cat stevens--hard headed woman.)
Trusted her enough to have vasectomy reversed, currently being viewed as a scary scary chink in my self actualizing armor, a waste of serious money, planning and effort, but pffff, the past 20 months has been a river of green running out, not gonna cry about it, my choice.
All that effort and planning, but then put her in position that apparently is obvious to everyone except myself-at the time- as setting her up to fail.
(got V at 21 to prevent my biolgy from way-laying me. Im real big on insurance of all types. I LOVE insurance. Its my nod to acknowledging over sized inner risk taker, and effort towards well being. Puts the responsibility for my mistakes on someone else, all I have to do is pay. Can anyone point me to a marriage insurance agency? <Hello agent? I seemed to have crashed my marriage. Is it bad? Mmm yeah reallll bad, did I mention, it caught on fire too. Can you send out a adjuster? I need it fixed by next week, thanks. LOL. )
Crazy crazy...
Snook, Im done hijacking now. FWIW, I think you are a good guy too. Thats not what gets the ladies panties in a moist bunch though.
Youll get it though, I am confidant. Your well on your way. One more suggestion. Stop waiting till later. Remember when you were dating, lovers, you grabbed it whenever, wherever, you could. Im assuming.
It seems sometimes to me, as if You are the one needing to get all the chores, etc out of the way first, so you can have this ---event---. Start doing it. Sometimes it will be an event. sometimes it wont. Sometimes she will get hers, sometimes she wont. Stop relegating your needs to last place. (give her a break while her mouth is hurting of course....)
I have this feeling about your sitch, I want you to think about this, try the following.
Shes your wife, Go knock her boots. Only be put off if she says------ NO. ---Stop.-----or, I dont want to. assume everything else is playing hard to get. Enjoy yourself, while doing a good job on her, but dont get too tied up in ---Is she liking it? Is this going good? fear, pressure, uncertainty.
Women often, mostly, see and experience sex much differently then we do.
(or maybe that was because she was just so smoking hot.... I never should have put her on that workout..... 