Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Mars/Venus - Here's my story

I'm with HP on this one, snook. I think it's great that you are encouraging your daughter to read. (BTW, excellent idea on the "follow along" with the audio CD! I'm going to use that one with my DD10).

Balance is what you are looking for. And yes, it's okay to let the kid know that you want to boink your wife...but not in those words.

Hairdog

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Heck, part of the reason I am on the board is that both W and I put all of our efforts into our 4 kids and not enough effort into the M. Now the kids are nearly grown and we awoke one morning as strangers.

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That scares the hell out of me (I have four kids, too), Balt.

I agree tho, Snook -- you need to patiently tell your daughter that you will read to her tomorrow (and then STICK TO IT), and take care of your marriage. The ol' "oxygen mask on the airplane" analogy applies here: (without taking care of YOURSELF, you can't take care of your CHILD).

Mind you, I never actually DO this, but then again my wife never flirts or indicates in any way that she'd be WILLING to spend some time with me. But if she was dropping those hints, I'd put off the kid(s) for ONE DAY in order to work on my marriage, and do it without guilt.

Choc.

Karen,

I really agree with building up some sexual anticipation. A little bit of flirting, provocative suggestions here and there really help keep the thoughts of ML in the forefront of ones mind. It's just that we've had been actively practicing it for several days now. Geez, this is getting brutal.

Honeypot,

Thanks for your input here. At the very moment this came up, I instantly thought "Hey, why not both". You know the cake and eat it too mentality. However, the truth was I knew that her energy level was nearly kaput. The intended effects of a nice relaxing soak in a warm bath would had resulted in a Zzzzzz repsonse.

HairDog,

Yea, the audio book thing just kinda hit me last week. We've been trying to get her to read more but this school year its been a real struggle. Her school has this Reading Counts program through Scholastic Books, where a studant checks out his/her book and when it's returned the student can take short test on a computer. If the past they get x point added to their list. There are all kinda of incentives offered at school for racking up those points (25pts= No Work /Free Day once a quarter, 50pts= T-Shirt and 100= a year end pizza party/sleepover at school library). But all in all, I've gotta say, just I'm so darn proud of her for getting this far. A big 300+ page book can be very intimidating to a 10 year old. But she's doing great, she's nearly 3/4 the way through. She said last night as she put it down for dinner, "I'm really proud of myself for getting this far".

I was really hoping that this morning I would be able create a post that would to get you to reply with your "lucky b@stard" comment. But, no dice! My W was dosing off in front of the TV before dinner and I got home from work I could just feel it in the air, the sexual energy that was around yeasterday had kinda just vaporized.

Choc,

I read and re-read your line about the oxygen mask and it didn't sink in at first . All I kept seeing was a half deflated auto-pilot that needed to be mannually reinflated (below the belt)from a scene in the movie Airplane.

I thank you and the others here for your input as well. The concensus is: Put You Marraige First but Make Time For Both.
Or as Stephen Covey says "Put First Things First"

and the Journaling continues...

Last evening was both good but disappointing. I got home and D was finishing her homework, getting ready to go to her Girl Scouts meeting. Quick dinner was on the stove and I was fooling the the A/C. Seems the condensation pan was full and over flowing. While I worked on some kind of solution to clean the drip line to keep water from puddling on the floor. My W offered to take D to her meeting, which is something that I usually do. Since I didn't want to multi task, I was glad she offered and thanked her.

Anyway, after she returned and before our dinner, we were in the kitchen and I gave her a nice big hug. She asked me to rub/scratch her back while we were hugging, so I did. When we were done I looked at her and said "If you'd like to have some more of that, you can meet me in our bedroom after dinner. She didn't say anything, and the look she gave me was uninterpretable. After we finished our dinner and while watching the TV, she said "Well, do you want a quickie or do you want to wait until later". Since I had only about 30 min until it was time to pick up D from her meeting and that wasn't what I had envisioned. I told her "As much as I would really love a quickie, It had been so long since we WL that wasn't what I had in mind. I'll wait until later, if you think that you can stay awake". She said that she'd try.

Later on after D was home and ready for bed... appearently W was too. She was nodding off on the sofa. I sent D to bed and then got W to go to our room to. She said she was sorry, but her new med's was making her really drowsey and she couldn't keep her eye's open. But she did offer an H/J, which I gladly accepted.

Lesson learned ... One in the hand is better than none in the bush...

Snook,

However, the next morning, when we were in the kitchen. I hugged her and told how great that kiss really was last night. She told me that it had really done a number on her and kinda juices going. I said it had a similar/different effect on my too. She asked why I didn't do something about it? I said I didn't know, I was tired, I wasn't sure that was what she intended


Women are ok with quickies too. When she said why didnt you do something, instead of verbally replying why didnt you take her to the bedroom/bathroom, right then and there instead of discussing it?


something to think about for next time.
I saw you take Corris advice about the kissing, good advice from her, good call to try to implement it.

She came over to give me a hug and a kiss and then proceeded to really get into it. I was getting more than just goose bumps. She noticed what she had done to me and played and teased me a little more, knowing I couldn't really do much about it with D10 nearby


Arghh. and right after you said carpe diem. you didnt carpe diem. Your D10 was occupied, are you waiting for the planets to align here or what? It doesnt have to be a perfectly placed. Get down and dirty, man. If she puts up 'resisitance', look at deep deep in her eyes, take a moment just stare and judge.
Is it token resistance, playful flirting, 'testing' your determination, or actual rejection. If it is the first, ignore and plow ahead, have a quickie that leaves her wanting more later on that day. If the later, smile shrug and go play with your D10 or do some time filler.

"If you'd like to have some more of that, you can meet me in our bedroom after dinner

Mmm. good effort. try to make it funny. 'After dinner, I am going to remind you why you married me.' 'Your definitely going to want to leave room for ---------------------------- desert, after dinner. '

I see you having a outcome in mind instead of just leting things happen. I know when things gets messed up for a bit it can be hard to find the flow. Try to let go of the destination, and have fun watching the scenery (flirting, teasing) go by. Look her in the eye. Know that she wants you.



In my mind, quickies are just foreplay for real fcking later on in the day or the next. In my experience they get women physically revved up and thinking about it almost as much as we do, which overheats them pretty quickly.

BF,

Thanks for your bits of wisdom. I need to digest it some more before I can reply and update. I also need drop off my D soon with her Girl Scout Troop, they have a field trip and they will be gone for most of the day.

Gotta run, I'm on a mission.

Well busy weekend done and... mission accomplished

If I may quote Mr Hairdog "Lucky Ba$tard"

Saturday, while D10 was gone, my W and I spent the day together out doing some shopping and stuff. We had lunch together at our favorite, Chili's. We had a good time spending some time together. Although I had hoped to return home before D10 got back (yea, I had hopes for a, um... well, you know) but that was not to be. We got back home after 4 pm and just as we walked in the door the phone rang. It was D10, she let me know that I need to pick her up in about 15-20 minutes. Oh well. However, later on that evening, as my W and I went to bed. I kissed her goodnight, as she was falling asleep with the remote in hand. She opened her eyes and said "Aren't we going to do anything"? I said "I thought you were asleep"? She said that she was tired, but asked if I would rub her back for a little. No need to tell me twice. I closed and locked the door, got some nice smelling lotion and following a nice 1/2 hr massage (which to my suprise, didn't put her to sleep), we ML. We left the TV on as selection was perfect. Her favorite, the Celtic Woman concert, on the local PBS station and it make for a nice audio backdrop to the whole scene.

Sunday was a very busy day, up early as usual. After I made a post on ChocEyes thread, I made out the grocey list, went shopping, mowed the lawn, did all the outside Christmas lights and finished just in time to take a quick shower and get dressed up to take D10 to a "My Guy and I", father daughter dinner and dance. When we returned, D10 said she wanted to finish her book, so we did and were done by 8:30 or so. She was so proud of herself and I was too. D10 was ready for bed and asked my W to lay with her awhile. By then I was exhausted and needed to got lay down too. I had planned to watch a series of DaVinci Code programs on the History Channel. I missed the first one and fell asleep I guess shortly after the opening credits.

BF,
I know women are ok with the occasional quickie. However, my W and I have (barely) survived on a regular diet this that was more along the lines of the "wify duty" kind of quickie for a very long time. You know, the miserable kind of unconnected, just get it over with encounter. So,I made a mental decision at the beginning of the year, No More. THis is when I began reading SSM and I found this site. So yes, while I sure that she's ok with the quickie. I want to do the things that will build some more emotional connections. I have been taking mental notes on your "attractiveness" and am beginning to appply these. All in an effort to bring some realy togetherness. I'm running out of time here now and I got to go. But I would like to continue later and finish my reply to you with some additional thoughts.

Thanks for your comments BF.