H came home late last night and we talked a bit. We snuggled a bit (it was cold!) and then of course ended up having sex. I don't know why it seems like the closer our M seems to the end, the more sex we are having.
H said he was worried about me, about how I was handling everything and said he was sorry for being a bad husband and not supporting me through my MLC.
I told him he was not a bad husband and said I am OK and told him that in the end we would both be OK and that I was very worried about him. I've definitely improved because I managed not to cry.
Here's the thing I just don't understand. H says "this is not about not loving you."
He said he's tired of going out drinking late every night but he doesn't want to come home because he doesn't want to see everything in our apt that reminds him of us.
My reply: "Do you want to erase me?" H: "No. You will always be part of my life. This is hard for me too." M: "I'm sorry, I just don't understand this. I will never understand."
How can a man who wasn't mad at me when a few years ago we got in an argument and I threw my wedding ring on the lawn (he spent two days searching for it with a metal detector and finally found it but said if we didn't he'd melt his and make two) now want to leave because we're not soul mates????
I don't think the ow is still in the picture, but then again I never thought he would cheat on me.
I guess all of this is just starting to sink in. I suppose I kept thinking he would, as Cher said in Moonstruck, "Snap out of it."
So now I'm taking deep breaths and reminding myself that slow and steady wins the race.
