Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again What to do next?

Thanks for stopping by again. I have been looking for a new thread out of you, wasn't sure where you were. Had a pretty good 4th, no serious injuries, a close call or two, but nothing permenant. This seems such a wierd place I'm in right now, but I get the feeling I am to continue the fight. My whole life I have been an underdog fighter, so I guess this is just status quo.

Thanks for the special e-card, it was nice to have a few pick me ups in the back to work pile. I have a good friend who is the child of divorced parents, every time I feel down I get an e-mail from him telling me to continue to fight. So that's, with a few other sources, keeps me going. It's weird when you figure out who your friends really are.

Hi Phoenix! Got no advice, but just want you to know I am thinking of you. We will be on holiday in your state, in August, and am looking forward to it.

Been doing alright, just learning to be happy with who I am and where I'm at. Working on improving and doing those things I need to accomplish in my life. I am not going to figure things out for her, that's her job and anything I would do would "be wrong". She made a comment last R talk that might be a big clue, still trying to figure out where to go with that info. Respect her feeling, but go in a positive direction.

It's good to have you back.

Hi Phoenix! Hope everything is going okay with you, esp. with the teen daughter. My D19 is giving us quite a lot of worry since she moved away from home - her BF is not the type I would choose for my worst enemy. Anyway, long story, so won't bore anyone with the details. I am trying to use the DB'ing techniques on my daughter now - hope it works.

Give me a call if you need someone to talk to - I need that sometimes, I must admit. Been cooped up in the study waaayyy too long - exams are next week, then I am free for a month. Woohoo!

Hi BeingMe,

I have been following on the boards, but feel that I am at a loss of what to do and what to say. Things are doing better in general with W. Everything except S has been improving. W will sit and talk with me, call me, but she doesn't want to make herself available for S. Honestly, I'm getting to the point, I really don't particularly care except for it's physical effects. My biggest drive was to have the closeness in our relationship, if all she can derive from it is a big need for S, after these many years if she doesn't know better she never will and I am getting tired of alway being the one "offering the hand".

I am 100% committed to marriage and most likely will never leave, but if this is the path she choses, that is one sad existance. Before I got married I commited to my self that my kids would never come from a D home. From this I have learned I cannot guarentee that. I can however guarentee that it will not be initiated by me.

Today, I started looking at a sample from a book by Hafen. It had a lot to do with M and it's importance to society. Especially in reference to the Proclamation. It looks like it could be some deep reading. I think if I order that and pick up Sex Starved Marriage I have my reading list full till after the primaries. The C mags seem to be continuing to focus on M and family quite a bit, they have been a real blessing to me.

Good luck on your exams next week. I do miss college days. Don't know if I would want to go after my Master at this stage in the game, maybe when things are a little more secure. If it all goes south it might be a nice change of pace. A lot of people I knew at college had taken that path in life after the D. It made a big difference for them.

Well, in general things are OK. I think I just have to give some things more time. D15 is doing well, we are planning her party. Time marches on.

Hi Phoenix!

You sound like you are doing okay! Good to hear! However, I'm not sure if I read you well, or not, but I do detect a certain amount of resignation. Try and find something that excites you in your life, and don't just settle, despite your W's cr*p! Being committed doesn't mean you have to just resign yourself to your fate. I could be way off course here, and if I am, then please forgive me.

Hope you're having a fun-ish weekend.

Yep, your pretty much on the money. Did however have a bit of a breakthrough. In a lot of ways I use to kind of ride myself hard about letting things get the way they had. However the other evening we had company over, W choice not mine, but I had jumped right in and was enjoying the activity. The kids in other room were starting to do something, not unlike kids, however W went to deal with it and kind of went off enroute. I and the other couple sat there and kind of look at each other with the "what got into her" look. It all pretty much seemed unprovoked, since the kids were not doing anything too out of nature.

It kind of dawned on me then that it was not an issue of me doing anything too bad, but a matter of how she had chosen to react to it. There I was, acting like I would as I if I was in a group not worrying about tailoring my actions around her. We were all enjoying ourselves, then W went off, unprovoked/unwarrented as best as we could tell. Very shortly there after she was back to her pleasant self again. Hmmm?

I just let it go and figured she could just own her own issues. Didn't bring it up, neither did she. Lately I have been getting more involved with GAL and finding things to do of my own. Main endevor seems to be gearing up. W seems to be asking more about it. I'll fill you in more another time.

Looking forward to hearing about your new endeavours! Your allowing your W to own her own issues, is the way to go, definitely. It shows that you are detaching from her craziness, and not letting it effect you too much. Keep up the good work!

As much as I like to feel I've got a good handle on things, there is still the unknown factor, that I don't like. W is one that doesn't like to feel out of control, regardless of what is happening. I'm sure this is something that she's not to excited about.

Pushing to make myself more self realized is great, can be work, but better all around. I just have to rely on a greater power to fullfill his purpose. Giving space and not pushing is also difficult. Anyhow, the adventure continues.

Wow, if you feel you have a good handle things, keep a firm grasp! You're waayyy ahead of many of us! Hey, don't forget to smile too.