Well I was accused of being a non supportive H tonight. It came so far out of left field I had a laugh/(you got to be f___ )kidding look on my face. Once again I let my physcic skills laps and I am non-supportive. I went to address what I can of the problem, when I am told to stop doing that, the child needs to do that. To avoid any sarcastic, negative responses I went and found another random task to do.
Some days I feel like I'm at boot camp. No matter what you do it's not right, but don't get caught doing nothing. Anything negative that occurs has to be my fault, so I might as well admit it and the details of what I did will be given to me later. Can someone out there give me more info on bipolar. I swear my W is losing her marbles. By the way, don't get the idea I do nothing, most relatives think I do too much, most co-workers refer to me as a gluten for punishment. Mix that with a MLC W and you have a guy who's doesn't know to laugh, cry or just tune out.
I not hoping for an ephiphany, I just want W to wake up to reality, before she destroys this family completely. Tomorrows another day, you can do this.
Cyber hugs for you. What is your GAL? you absolutely must do something to get yourself to be able to laugh, cry, and tune out. Make a list, right here _______ !!! GAL!! work on your PMA!! need some Rope Therapy??
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I see why you picked up on my sitch. There are frightening similarities in the seemingly "no-win" situation. You've been working at DBing much longer than I have, but it seems that working on ourselves is the only way to get thru it. Enjoy life despite their behavior. My W hears all the positives about me from friends and family, but feels I've got them hoodwinked.
I think in our fantasies, we imagine an epiphany, but it likely will not come. We've got to ride things out by enjoying life to the fullest. Maybe they'll come around, maybe not.
I think the biggest difficulty I've had, even though things have starting moving away from D, is the patience of waiting for her to make a baby step toward caring/affection, and not making my own move that might drive her away again.
You're definately on the right track. Right now I am starting to see some very definate improvements. Was there an epiphany? I don't think so, more or less a softening of heart and passing of time. Perhaps a slow realization that with the improvements that we have made that there is very little to place the old hard feelings/blame on.
If we improve and become pleasant to be around, perhaps the loving, caring person we should be, there will be a change of heart. Your observation in regards to caring and affection, yes, there will be some wait, I know I am. But like I mentioned though, things do seem to be improving. My toughest thing right now is trusting her changes, see if she is showing light, just to slam the door. But as a person who has gone through what I have, I have to give it a chance and see what happens. It is hard to forgive and continue to love someone who does not seem to deserve it, but I keep looking at it as "what if the shoe was on the other foot".
Sorry about the delay, I've been a little apprehensive of my sitch. Perhaps my feeling are a little caulused(sp?) and I'm trying to sort out what's real and what's not. I think I'm going to go back and review 5LL and see if I'm on track there.
Good to hear from you again. Understand the need to gain some perspective.
I feel like I've made no progress, positive or negative this week, so I haven't posted on my sitch in a few days.
I've been looking back at journal entries from 9 years ago and cannot believe how long I've been struggling with the same situation for so long without a clear approach until now. I do realize the basics of what she's been looking for for so long. She wants me to take more initiative about a number of fronts (like I did before we were married), take care of my health, make sure our kids are taken care of financially if we both should die, as well as not be afraid to talk frankly about R, an initiate such conversations. I've been making great strides on these things lately. I just wish I understood this stuff even 4 years ago!
Phoenix, you still inspire me with your level of patience. Keep it up, but remember to be your own best friend (my motto for March ). I think it was you that once told me that there probably won't be any great epiphany, that it will come in little bits and pieces. And, so it has been for my new R with my H.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Last night I wasn't too inspirational to myself, wife did not see it though. Unfortunately the kids kind of got the brunt of it. W is a lot more forthcoming with her activities, so I try very hard to trust her. I still feel like the chair in the corner sometimes, pulled out and used when needed, but not really taken care of or cherished.
It kind of makes me sad how things such as activities together and family life seem to take back row. Instead of it being the first thought it's more like the, "of yeah, I guess we better do something like that". When my kids look back, I hope they have a better view of this time than I do. I really don't know what else to do, just ride it out and enjoy the words of love from my kids.
Find myself somewhat getting into the comfortably numb stage. Not where I want to be, W seems to still have a twisted view of what would "be best for all". Would love to just move to a whole new environment and try to start fresh, but that's not likely.
The first large GAL I tried to do and I feel in over my head. Sometimes I feel that if I do GAL I will let go of more of my family. That's more or less what W wants. She wants new life but keep the kids. Leaving me on outside.
Latest positives:
Upcoming vacation with family Outside recognition More open discussion (non-R) Improved financial status
Negatives:
Still feel like house butler W seems to be self focused Still feel uncertain in R
I'm sorry to hear you're in such a rut. If you look at my posting, I'm in almost the same place the past 2 weeks.
It feels like stagnation, right? Things had seemed to be getting a bit better, and I think I let off the momentum. I think we both need to GAL, but it doesn't mean you don't still plan things with the kids. Maybe a day or 2 of doing things for you.
I see a lot of kind people with advice on this board, but I don't know if anyone who's pitching in here has successfully come out the other side with a repaired and renewed marriage.
I think we at least have to know that we've truly tried to make things better, and improved ourselves in the process.
Don't let yourself stagnate. Get out there and do something for you, but it doesn't mean you are neglecting the kids or distancing yourself from them.
I've have seen success here, I'm just not thrilled how long this has taken. Today I talked with an old friend who I last talk to about a year ago. I could easily tell him how things are better, but I also said there was a long way to go. It bothers me how people could chose to turn their R into what they do.
So far I have continued in the large project I was beginning in last time, this will be my GAL. For my own sake I need to do something that I can look to as an accomplishment during this time. If I didn't do this, I would be really dissappointed, which would only make things worse.
Nothing exciting to report other than slow positives.
). I think it was you that once told me that there probably won't be any great epiphany, that it will come in little bits and pieces. And, so it has been for my new R with my H.