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Thanks WCW and BeingMe. I just seem to be in limbo land and the longer this drags out the more I find myself starter to get resentfull and hurt. She has set a standoff distance or barrier and doesn't look like that will change much. This is something I am not willing to live with in an R. Also she seems to encourage me to give up some guidelines/standards that I have in my life so she won't feel as much out of place, even when she knows I shouldn't compromise. Instead of trying to reach a higher level she wants to settle for what's obtainable. I'm not sure if I can live with that.

I guess we'll see, time will tell. Maybe I'll come back on later tonight, if not, have a good one. Catch you tomorrow.

Phoenix, not only is that tomorrow past, so is the whole last year! We've made it to 2006, won't you join us?

True. So far the new year has been pretty good. I'm going to work hard to make sure I don't get hung up on the past. Move forward on tomorrow will now be my goal. As I mentioned I didn't think things were going to make it to this point, I need to see it as a success and be happy that I've made it to this point. However I can't sit on my laurels, I have to carry on the fight. I think I need to re-evaluate and reset my goals.

Well I thought I better pop back up to the surface and see what's going on. I find when I'm not on here I get negative. One thing I have noticed is how W has had a negative pull on me over the years. I use to be a upbeat kind of guy, loved life. Not as much any more. As part of my 180s I am trying to get back to that part of me. I worry if it will drive her away. Of course the question is how do I improve myself without pushing her. You can not change those who do not want to change.

And the saga continues.

Phoenix, good to see you again. Yuppers, right here is where you can get your PMA boost.

I've been reconoitering (is that a word?) about things like that too. The goofy things H and I used to do, have fun and smile and laugh. We used to embarass the kids by holding hands and skipping out in front of them. I don't remember what sparked that memory, but there is plenty more where that came from. Smiling alot is a good start.

You worry if it will drive her away? If you being happy and a fun guy will driver her away? that seems a little backwards, shouldn't it - if anything - draw her to you?

Come on fun guy, tell us some of the goofy things you've done. Fun thoughts provoke fun attitude.

Hey Phoenix! Yeah, I do go on the bb a couple of times a week. So, don't fall off your chair at my presence here. Hehe!!!

When I read your posting today, I just had to comment. If you feel the need to not be yourself in order to save your M, then you are doing yourself a disservice, and your children too. Be yourself, and be happy and proud of who you are. If your W cannot appreciate that, then she truly is lost. I don't mean to throw you with a 2x4, but you must know this.

Yes I've been trying to think what else I could change, or want to change, and I just keep coming up empty. I don't want to become something I'm not, or something I am not proud of, just enjoying and full of life. W seems to be trying to follow her co-workers' style and attitude. The problem I see is that the ones I have met don't seem to have that great of R with their spouses either.

Yes these other women do fun things, but they don't do it with their Hs, just their co-workers. This should put up some red flags. I'll give you more details another time. Today I'm in a don't care mood, we'll see where it goes tonight.

Had a little slide the other day, I stood up to W about something. It kind of lit her up, gave me some insight, however also rebuilt some of my resolve on a few issues. I have no clue or no confidence where this whole thing is going. I have little control and know I cannot control much. So here we are and here I am.

Questions? Comments?

The Dreaded CoWorker peer pressure. Been there, it's tough to crack. I assume W works full time? spends 8 hours a day or more with them? Do you or can you call her at work? take her out for lunch? drop off chocolates? something to break up the flow of 'good times roll without our husbands?'

What's up for yourself? Staying busy? Staying positive?

Lit her up in a good way or a bad way?

You're sounding tired and frustrated, I sure know how that feels. Wanna tell us more?

W works nights, nurse. A while back she would come have lunch with me, but it was more of me pursing, trying to fix a perceived(real) problem. Ocassionally I would take stuff to her early in her shift, but then I would have to come home and go to bed.

What I'm seeing in activities and plans is if it's what she wants to do, it's great, if I suggest something similar, she'll participate, but begrudgingly. If it's with her friends she a party animal, if it's with others, she will be kind of off to herself. It is sad seeing a late 30 W caving to peer pressure. Unfortunately it is showing our kids that morals and standards are thrown out the window when not cool with your friends.

The "lit her up" was not in a good way, truth hurts, especially when given to you bluntly. Am I tired? Yes, it's been a long year and a half. There has been some good change but we're still far of the mark.

Anyhow, I am following your thread, just haven't had much to say. Thank goodness for kids, they give you purpose and resolve.

Well Phoenix, if you've been following along with me, then you know I am not in the best of spirits currently, but I'm working on it.

How about a breakfast meeting when she gets off work? or, if she's home before you leave, breakfast all made up? or assuming she sleeps during the day, a note and flower on her pillow.

Somehow, I believe you need to become more fun and more important than her friends and coworkers. You need to have so much fun it will just bug her to dickens to not be with you. What can that be?