Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy H is waking up....but will it last????

KDU - Don't think you've done anything to offend anyone. Think that most of us are somehow caught in our own yoyo-ing that our response may not be good advice. Although I have been reading a lot of the threads, I haven't really been posting on anyone's thread cause I don't think I have anything good to advice, considering that I am in such a yoyo-ing confusion state. Ha ha ha... I am still holding up okay....

Anyway, KDU - I am glad that things are working our pretty well for you...as for the barriers still up. I guess it's our human nature to protect us...you can continue to do that, just do and OSCAR and not let your H see those barriers....

Oh..one question... When did you sitch start? Ie. when did you find out about OW? And did your H move out immediately after that or did he hang around for a few months? I just want to gauge the timing as to when a WAS would sort of wake up?? Just want to compare a little bit with my sitch..
which was 7 months from the bomb, but only 2 months living apart....

Take care KDU...

One Day at a TIME!!!

Yoyo my H and I had a stupid argument in February, which was all he needed to make him stand his ground a leave. So he left that night the 9th. It took until a week later that he secured a On-Site Cabin in a Caravan Park but as it was furnished he didn't take much stuff.

I found out about OW about 6-8 weeks later maybe April and at the time was told it had been going on about a year. After the blow up with OW and myself, I found out that it was actually 3 years.

We have been sorting things out just recently like 2 weeks
any more questions just ask.....KDU

Kim what a great weekend. It just sounded so normal and nice Mmmm T Bones. I haven't had a BBQ since the bomb, but thinking may have to host a girly one.

So it was a nice relaxing weekend and I think we are slowly starting to feel more comfortable with each other but I still have some barriers up I can tell. Oh well all in time it should get better......

Kim, I think this is perfectly understandable given the history, and probably necessary so that you are a little on guard so to speak. Hang in there. Remember that tortoise that won the race.

Kismet....Haha yeah I do remember the tortoise that would be me just plodding along but as they say good things come to those who wait and I have waited long enough 9months....sigh.....Oh well Rome wasn't built in a day and those barriers will stay there for awhile yet I can guarantee it. It's sort of like making sure my pride and dignity doesn't take a nose dive, I am so glad BB pointed that out to me as it is foremost in my mind alot of the time.

Lets face it that is something we cannot lose or have stolen from unless we let it b/c it truly is ours.......

Thanks for dropping by.....KDU

Hi there KDU!

Glad to hear you had a relaxing weekend. It will take time for things to move back to some type of normalcy. And you will keep some barriers up for a while until you are sure that H is REALLY moving in the right direction. Are you going to MC? You may not want to push it yet but I firmly believe after what we go through we need to sort all the issues out with a MC. I tried already without one and I won't even think about trying to reconcile without one. What are you going to do?

Sorry I haven't posted much - been busy this weekend. Will post more on my thread. Still going through my "blue" phase - maybe I'm like Picasso and will do some of my best work now...

WCB

Hey doll! I'm always checking on you but you're in a place now I don't know too much about. I did think it was hysterical how Ow seemed to think you were out of line to being seeing your H when he was with her. That is a person who can't see past her own nose. And I thought you had a great idea about the wedding. H got what he needed and you got what you needed and Ow got what she said she needed but kind of blew up when she wasn't getting more. Poor, poor Ow. She can KMA.

You sound now like you're doing really well. You know yourself and you can tell everything isn't back where you want it. But I admire your patience in just letting things unfold for awhile, and seeing where things land. Keep up that good work!

BB thanks lovey but don't you ever think you have nothing to offer me just b/c you haven't got to where I am now. If there is one thing I have learnt the people on these boards know a whole lot more about life than they did when they first came here and b/c of what they have already been through they see things differently now so I value whatever your thoughts may be.

Even if they are just little warnings, like when you said to hold on to my dignity that is my catchcry now let me tell you. BB you and DMF were the first males on my thread at a time when I needed a male's perspective. I adored your honesty and like they say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus so often we do not think the same way you really helped to show me that and make me try and look at if from a different point of view.

So I am telling you BB you keep your advice, opinions and ideas coming and stop pussy footing around this by pretending you know nothing about it. You are a smart, compassionate and intelligent guy with a very very warm heart and don't you dare let anyone make you think any different.

So now open up my love and lay it all out there, this board is about honesty, tell me to watch out for this and that, tell me what you think a male might think, i am allowing you permission to give your opinion as everyone is allowed one. The self growth I have done through all of this has truly helped me and more so to handle my current sitch b/c I don't truly know if it will work or not but I am willing to find out and I know now I will be O.K. whichever way this goes and if it doesn't work I know I will not crash as bad this time and I will be able to get moving with my life alot quicker - Why b/c I feel like I have had a choice in it this time and not just had it dumped on me and a decision made without my consent. Isn't that truly how a lot of us feel.

BB bring it on baby I have broad shoulders I can take it and that goes for anybody else, if you think something when you are reading my post go for it and tell me, I am allowed to disagree but I like thinking it over first and being sure of what I think and it will help to keep me on my toes, I want my eyes wide open doing this not wide shut..... ...KDU

Oh and BB OW can KMA too, funny how they think they are all of a sudden the victim, forgive me if I cannot show her any sympathy......the individual greedy part of me was very impressed when I told H she was playing games with this wedding thing and he believed she was being genuine, but when she spat it about me going to the same town it just showed him I was right about her wanting more and I did feel a bit smug about that. She sought of played straight into my hands and H was really surprised that I could call it as acurately as I did.....Oh well we have all learnt alot here haven't we......

Kim-Things sound really positive in your sitch right now. I really don't have any advice to give, but I think you are doing an outstanding job.

I know what you are talking about with the barriers. Right now, mine are up so high I don't know if they will come down, which is sad because H says he really wants to work on M.

Hi KDU,
Just caught up with your thread.
Wow, girl, you handled that whole wedding fiasco like a true DB pro. I would have lost it I think with H's whole not wanting to break a promise to OW BS! But look how well you handled it, and now she came out looking like a nut. Good good job!
I am so impressed with how well you are exhibiting self-control and how you are handling things with H. GOOD JOB KIM!!!!
I think it is true that you guys will have to enter counseling at some point...is H receptive to that?
I know it seems he is not making the efforts you would like, but in truth these efforts he's making appear genuine, so be glad for it. And you are doing great with maintaining your dignity as you want to do.
So when is H planning on ending contact with OW? I realize he sees her at work, but the contact really needs to end at some point. Has he mentioned this?
KDU, as this process unfolds, I think you will have ups and downs, and continue to have expectations, which you should, but it can be a challenge to balance these expectations with having patience in this process.
You are doing a darn good job, so be proud and keep up the good work!!

SH thankyou so much for your kind words. As for H ending contact with OW yes he has. He does have to work with her and his first day back at work was yesterday and guess what, she wasn't there. Today and tomorrow are meant to be her days off, H is off Thursday so they may see each other for the first time on Friday but she is only there for 4 hours and he says he will avoid the kitchen.

He leaves his mobile around so if I wanted to look I could and he told me I am free to but I said no that I trust him (very tempting though but better he believes I am getting the trust back). I have had no messages from OW since the wedding thing and H hasn't heard from her either so all is very quiet. (Don't know if that is a good thing or not) Could be the calm before the storm.

As for counselling, I don't know it is something we must discuss, I know H doesn't like it but he might be more open to it now, I will work on that one.

Anyhow so far so good and hopefully things are as they seem but I guess I wouldn't truly know as I can't keep tabs on him every minute of the day.

Thanks again SH for your lovely words.....KDU