KEEP CALM, BE HAPPY, BE PATIENT How do u do that? whenever my w comes around and gives positive signs.. i remember that she is living with OM, she is telling me that she is living with OM and OM doesn't even know she is meeting and talking to me... and i totally backslide...
Hi Yoyo, yep looks like things are getting a bit choppy on the calm sea. I think sometimes you just need to follow your heart and do what you think is best. And that is what you are doing. So stay focused, stay calm and keep rowing your boat on the now not so calm sea
OM doesn't even know she is meeting and talking to me... and i totally backslide... Blueman - Rather than focusing on the negatives, turn this around, i.e the part that OM doesn't about her contacts with you. If she is lying to OM, it sort of makes you the "OP" now. Once OM finds out (which you hope he does, not from you though), who knows, there may be tension in the air or even fist fights??!!??
you just need to follow your heart Kismet - Yes...am following my heart or rather instinct??!!?? I don't know...but I just know that I need to do some nudging... More about that later.
Journalling.. Monday: After my last post, I texted H "R u having dinner? I would be calling you in about 10 minutes for boys to talk to you." H replied "I will call you when I finish my dinner". So, H did call about half an hour later. He spoke to S8 and S5, and then spoke to me. We chatted a bit about where he had dinner, to who's paying and he said he was with his ex-coworkers (same company where he met OW) and I was teasing with "ahem, ahem..I wonder if WHO is there.." and he said "well, if you think that she is here. SHE IS NOT!".. went on a little bit more in a joking way... which one part he said "I know you won't. You are a patient wife" can't remember why he said that... Asked him again about this weekend, if boys were gonna get to see him, and he answered that he will let me know tmrw. After our convo ended, I sent H a text... Me: I call her? I know where she stays. XYZ Road, correct? I go and scream and rant in front of her house and announce to her neighbours. H: Please don't. I'll sort things out. If you wanna save our marraige...please don't. Me: You said that both women also you wouldn't want. Besides, if you are gonna destroy my family and boys. I will drag her down with whatever way I can. After all, what is there to lose? BTW, I am not threatening, just sharing my thoughts. So, don't get angry. I know you gonna say "what a bit@h!" Yes I am! Ha ha ha.. Nite Nite. Love, Wifey xxx (yes..I know that i am taunting him...)
Obviously, no reply from him. BUT had to send him another text about something more serious. Me: Oh..on a more serious note. I need to know the procedures for medical and dental claims from your company. Undergoing dental treatment that will costs $$$ plus S5 need to see an ENT. H: Ok. Will find out when I get back to Country X.
Next Day, Tuesday: Got a text from H at 7.00 AM. The text is too X-rated to post it here.... Basically, he implied that I should go to Country X this weekend for . About 20 minutes after the text, my phone rang. It was H... he asked if I've read the text... Me: No. What did it say? H: well, to say that we are to go on our separate ways... blah blah blah Me: Is it? Oh..okay (yawning and all). S8 is here. H: Ok. I speak to S8. You go read your text. H talks to S8 and I went to "pretend" to read my text. Me: I guessed I am coming? H: Why? Are you lazy? Me: No..afraid that there won't be flights. H: I'm sure there are... blah blah blah ..you come alone? Me: No. Think I must bring the boys. They want to see you ..blah blah blah. H: How are we going to [censored][censored] if the boys are here? Me: We can wait till they are in bed. Besides, it'll be mid-Dec before they get to see you. They really miss you. S5 was crying last night and said that he knows that you hate him because you ran away. H: *sigh* Tell him I love him. Me: You need to assure him whenever you call. So, I have to bring them along. WHy don't you go and purchase the rackets so that you can play with S8 as you promised? H: Okay...blah blah blah.. So this convo went on for a bit...
Got into work, and proceeded to book the tickets online, and sent him a short text informing him that I've bought the airline tickets. Three hours later, I got a text from H "just fantasized [censored][censored][censored]" I replied. We were texting to-and-fro which resulted in another three raunchy texts from H ...
So basically, I don't know about the emotional connection between H and I...somehow, think the connection between us centers around s@x. Is it good or bad? Not so bad, I think...since I am enjoying it too...Oh well, as long as H and I are still having some kind of connection, and he is "confused"....it is better than he is very ADAMANT of going to OW, right?
Oh..am having a few text exchanges with H now. H: First we talk, then we f**k??? Or the other way round? Me: Other way round...Or maybe talk first also ok. Not much to talk, right? H: There's a few things we need to settle... Me: Like? Give a few hints..so that I won't get a heart attack... H: We need to come to some resolution. I'm gonna die and crack if we don't resolve this. Me: I told you already. I won't budge from my position. U said u will sort it out urself. I am sure u don't want my help!! H: U won't budge and i won't budge...so how??? Deadlocked!! Me: U want honest opinion? Even if u decide to BE with her. Things will not change with us. U will still fantasize about me. We will still be in contact for d boys etc etc. And u will still be in a mess. Honestly, don't see a way out for u other than breaking up with her.
From my last post, sent H a text.. Me: You want a divorce? Is that it? H: Sorry...am in a meeting. Talk to you when you come over. Havent' decided yet.
WTF??? Anyway, half an hour later, H calls my mobile. TOld me that he is going back to Country X. I hand the phone to S5 and S8. Then the phone is handed back to me. Spoke a little bit about the medical claims, and if we have medical cards. And H says that he thinks we have it..he will check. He's got to go to a neighbouring town for two days from tmrw.
After the call. I texted H. Me: Some ground rules about this weekend's TALK. No shouting. No Screaming. No killing. One party can talk and talk. The other party listens, but not necessarily must agree. Suggest we f**k first so that the f**king session can calm down the tensions. To streamline the talk, suggest you have a written agenda.
Journalling.. Wednesday: This morning, texted H "Do you want me to bring anything over for you? And for the TALK, if you don't want the family already, I need to inform my boss to go ahead and give the Country X job to someone else.Ta! Love, Wifey." H replied "no need to bring anything. I'm in the out-of-town office already."
So, he didn't acknowledge my job in Country X...I guess this weekend, we will know once and for all where all this is going. Now, as it's involved someone else (i.e. my boss), H will have to make a decision one way or other... The way I see it..nothings gonna change much....unless he declares he WANTS NO CONTACT with boys ever... So, will there be a Tsunami this Weekend?? BTW, this sunday is our actual 9th year wedding anniversary...the day where we don our wedding garb, pray to ancestors, had our grand dinner party..... Well, at least, we will be spending time together... Gonna bring my new plunging neckline dress to Country X and where it on this day. Confuse H more.. Ha ha ha...
Hi YoYo just been catching up on all your posts and I can understand how you are confused b/c I am. Your H just goes from one side to the other over and over. I find it amusing that the moment you mention speaking to OW he starts with the X-Rated texts and then wants you to go to his Country.
Next he says he can't see a solution b/c you wont budge and neither will he. This tells me he will not give up OW but if this is the case why does he constantly have phone sex with you and want you to go over there for sex. Is it no good with OW or does she go away alot and he can't get it so gets it from you.
I don't know if you know the answers to those questions but it is something for you to think about. I hope this weekend is better than it is sounding and you seem to be strong in where you are going and what you are doing so keep it up if it is working for you.
Goodluck this weekend and will wait for your post....KDU
Yoyo! Just dropped by to say hi and see how you are doing. I agree with Kim, your H does sound a bit like a Mr. Yoyo. One day he wants you and the boys in Country X with him, the next day he tells you if he had the choice he would be with OW, then the next day it's the phone sex.
Hope you and H enjoy your 9th wedding anniversary this weekend with no major crisis or tsunamis
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Yoyo.. did u ever give ur H a sense of loss... scare him that he might lose you? I know it sounds weird and very risky... but may be put some faith in it and try it if u never tried it...
Kim, Blueman, Kismet, KDK - Thanks gals/guy for dropping by to check on me.
he starts with the X-Rated texts and then wants you to go to his Country.Next he says he can't see a solution b/c you wont budge and neither will he. This tells me he will not give up OW but if this is the case why does he constantly have phone sex with you and want you to go over there for sex. Kim - Can't call him Mr.Yoyo if he doesn't have all these yoyo-ing about..
Is it no good with OW or does she go away alot and he can't get it so gets it from you. Kim - I don't know for sure..so am just guessing here.. 1) Many times, H said that I'm better than OW (?? Could be a lie??) 2) H said "You are the f**k of my life" 3) My sisters told me OW has no boobs and no butt (could be a biased remark!! So don't know how true...) 4) OW holds quite a good job...busy maybe? Can't make the trip? 5) I'm eager and h**ny as hell (??? Really don't know what's with my raging hormones!!! D@mn those hormones!!)
Hope you and H enjoy your 9th wedding anniversary this weekend with no major crisis or tsunamis KDU - Yes,...will take the opportunity to 1)satisfy my notti needs 2)knowing H would have lied through his teeth to OW about us being in Country X 3) not having to wonder "how could he be spending time with OW on our anniversary. 4) subtly instill some sweet old memories.... I am determined to keep this weekend Tsunami-Free. I know it takes REAL CONTROL on my part to not churn up anything.... Have to bring that faithful rubber-band with me...TWANG!!!!
did u ever give ur H a sense of loss... scare him that he might lose you? I know it sounds weird and very risky... but may be put some faith in it and try it if u never tried it... Blueman - I have tried it OUTRIGHT. But I did sort of go kinda GREYISH and went to Mauritius with my girlfriends. I didn't call him and he was like calling me everyday, telling me all sorts of notti things over the phone, and telling me that he has been sending me texts and texts..and how come I didn't receive them. Blah blah blah. I think he isn't really READY to let me go, nor OW BLeah. What do you suggest? Tell him I'm seeing someone??
Journalling... Nothing much happened... Wednesday, sent H an email to inform him that the money is the foreign account and also next month's obligations (he asked me about it late on Tuesday night..called me about 11.30 pm). Some exchanges on emails about this issue. In one of my emails, I wrote "we can discuss our joint financial obligations this weekend too. Will have a time-limit, and solution focused". H wrote: Time-limit? You want to get into my pants. Say so! I have to say that getting into his pants was not in my mind when I wrote that email!!! Well, he also wrote that he'll call me...well, he didn't. Wasn't gonna fret. Was feeling kinda tired and dizzy. So, just sent him a short text to wish him goodnight as I had the dizzy spells.. He texted back...and asked "how come?". I didn't reply...just didn't felt like it...
Anyway, from what I see it...three things can happen this weekend.. 1) H WANTS the family to move to Country X, and will break it off with OW (fat chance!!!) 2) H says he wants a divorce, and me stating that he will have to do all the work..(Knowing H...the sitch will be such that we end up like NOW.... yoyo-ing...)
I really don't see my sitch going anywhere, BAD or GOOD...unless.. 1) I confront OW and her family, all hell breaks lose. 2) I KICK H out of our M 3) OW gets fed-up and decides to opt out. 4) H becomes REALLY heartless and cut all ties with us.
Basically, as I look at it... up, right, centre, left, right... my sitch will not change...because the ball is in H's court. And knowing him and his yoyo-ing, he won't really do anything. And if it's up to me? I don't want to do anything that I will regret down the road...so KICKING him out is out of the question. As for CONFRONTING OW?? I don't know...got to give that a thought....
But frankly, think I am quite detached now...I think the thing that would tick me is if H has also been sending money to OW... but what can I do?? Not in my control... Breathe! Breathe! Breathe! ... No point fretting.. Just concentrate to GAL, be HAPPY, be CALM, be POSITIVE, and to PISS OW off...(oh... I've collated stuff to leave in H's house in Country X. Things that I could "sacrifice" - some old but nice lingerie, clothes, facial masks etc etc. She'll ask "how come your wife is here? I thought you are separated? Did you have s@x with her?" ha ha ha... Oh..I'm gonna take her expensive toiletries back with me...give it away as gifts... Well, that's the plan anyway). I'm sure she'll be pissed... Word in her office is that "H and I are ALREADY separated"... yeah, RIGHT! If you call conjugal visits and phone s@x separated... And knowing H, he would have fed her soooo much lies. It would be soooo good when she finds out that he has been lying!!! Ha ha ha. By the way, I don't live my days fantasizing about H and OW arguing...just came to my mind...and thought it would be fun ....
to post it here.... Basically, he implied that I should go to Country X this weekend for 
