It's a tough spot you are in. It's one thing to talk and think about it, but when the motion starts it's a whole new wave that takes over. Give it the 24 hour rule, and maybe a few extra. It won't make it easier, but you'll still be swinging up and down thru all of this. Cry if you need too, it's okay. ((((Hopeful_Future)))
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I'm doing better today. Or I should say, I was. We told the kids this morning. XH told D9 and I told D11. He wanted us to do it this way. Said it would be easier on them. The whole thing upsets me so much I didn't argue with him. I still think we should have done it together.
D9 seems to have taken it okay. Which is really what I expected. She loves CA and almost all of her family is out there, including her real mom. XH has, over this past year managed to change her views on our family. Before I was "mommy" now she still calls me that, but she was calling me by my first name too. It's been just recently that I get hugs or ILYs.
D11 cried a good bit. I told her that Dad had gotten a job offer in CA and he and D9 were going to be moving out there. Then I told her the plan and about the townhouse. She was okay with all of it.
I just feel like such a bad mother. Since XH came in to our lives we've moved around so much, so many school and friends, it makes me so sad for her. I know I'm doing the best I can, but sometimes I feel it's not enough. I'm so afraid that she's going to grow up hating men. Her real father left and hasn't been in her life since she was 1 and 1/2. Now the father she's known for the last six years is going to move 3000 miles away from her. Thankfully my father is a wonderful Grandfather and loves her very much. She means the world to him.
I know in my heart this is for the best, I just wish I didn't feel like such a failure. I just want to give my kids the best life I can. I never thought it would be this way.
Don't be so hard on yourself, Hope. You try your best, and your daughter knows that. Her quality of life may improve when her mom is grounded and stabled and has a good attitude about life. That is what will form her opinions about life and about men, the environment she lives in. Will you do your best and make it as good as you can for her? yes, you will, and she will know that.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
What a weekend. For me it was so up and down I can’t say if it was a good one or not. The kids are okay. D11 has been more cuddly but other than that they seem okay.
XH has completely lost his mind. I went out Saturday night and saw a friend. I got home and XH went crazy. Accusing me of all kinds of things and throwing things. We got in to it again yesterday. He’s starting to get physical with me. He grabbed my arm really hard. I told him if he ever touched me again, I would call the cops on him. I will not put up with that from him.
He leaves Tuesday night for the job interview on Wednesday in California and won’t be back until Thursday. Thankfully I’ll have a little bit of peace then. I’ve also decided that if he doesn’t get this job in California I’m moving out. I’ll stay with my parents until the house sells if I have to. I will not keep living in this unstable environment. It’s not good for me or my kids.
I wouldn't let him back in the house at all if he's getting violent, that's far too dangerous. His behaviour just isn't acceptable.
Why does D9 not live with her mother? If your XH is like Andy and took her away, that doesn't speak well for his character either. After we split up, Andy was violent to me too for a few months (but not in the M). Don't put up with it.
Hope - I'm sorry for the hurt (emotional and physical) you are going through right now.
Please belive me when I say that you are not a bad mother. As long as you are communicating with your D, talking openly, honestly with her, spending time with her, listening to her - she is going to be fine. Even if you weren't doing these things, if she is anything like you - she is strong and smart and will be ok.
You can start asking how she wants to decorate your house, her room, etc. Involve her. That's what my mom did when she got divorced, it helped. I felt so grown up and involved when I got a say in colors in the house and wall paper and I got to help paint, etc.
My mom also used to make girls days, where she would make my favorite foods, take me to do my favorite things. It was just fun. Even when she didn't have any money, she found ways to spend time with me and make sure I was ok and happy.
I'm praying for you, praying for the house to sell quickly and for you to get the townhouse and for the pain to ease.
Hang in there. Hugs!
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
