Take it as it comes and enjoy the pieces as you can, it's only been 36 hours since your 'talk'. Things will change again. In the meantime, continue with your plans, don't be cold hearted. Anything can happen, try and stay open minded, and remember - he's probably as confused and hurting as you are.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
I know what you all are saying, and don't get me wrong, I LOVE this. He is the man I feel in love with again. He's being wonderful. My problem is this, do I continue with the plans to sell the house? Do I continue with my plan to buy the townhouse? Both of these things will take a lot of time and energy, not to mention some of them involve making a commitment to other people about my future plans.
I know, I know. I have two months before I have to do anything for sure. I should just wait and see where we are then. He could wake up tomorrow and be a complete jerk again, or he could look at me and tell me he's changed his mind. Oh hell, what's two more months of living in limbo!
Ugh!!!! Just scream and let it out. I don't know how to respond to what you should do. If you wait and things don't work out you could lose the townhouse. If you try to sell the house and things do work out then you could be out of a house and going through the steps of buying again. It is a win/win situation or a lose/lose situation. I'm sorry I am not much help on this. I don't know what I would do.
Just keep your spirits up whatever you decide. Good luck!!!
We are again in the same spot, I understand your confusion about how to proceed. In my spot, I'm not as far along as you and no offense but I hope I don't get there either. What I am doing is evaluting each bill and expense, and what if anything I can do to make it less or delete it. My toughest part is letting H know that I am doing it. I don't want to just go ahead and do things and then it's a big surprise to him and he gets all torqued off about it. So I'm doing a little at a time, and feeding him the information. Like all the phones we have - land line, computer lines, cell phones, etc.. is next on my list, and a TV commercial opened up the opportunity for a little bit of a discussion. Now obviously selling and buying houses is of a much bigger magnitude, but maybe you get the idea?
As you said, what's two more months during the ride of a lifetime?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Hey everyone. Not much new to report here. His "niceness" seems to be leaving quickly and things are back to the "normal" yucky. That's okay. It's making all this easier. The meaner he is to me, the easier it is for me to not want to be with him anymore.
I'm starting to look forward to my new life. My friends and family are being very supportive and I know there will be some very lonely days ahead, but that if I've survived the past few months I will make it through those too. I'm working now on forgiving XH and moving past the pain. I don't want to get sucked in to the anger and hate that seems to consume XH most days. I want to be better than that.
I've decided that I'm not going to wait until after the holidays to put the house on the market. If we're going to do this, and we are, then I want it over as soon as possible. This isn't healthy and I don't want to do this anymore. I want to grow and be a better person. Staying here is not going to let that happen.
By the way, in light of all this, my PMA is doing very good!
So now I ask you all this, what type of goals should I set for myself now, since my main goal is no longer saving my R with XH but surviving the past and moving on? Any ideas?
I think that if selling the house and going your separate ways is inevitable that you'll feel better having it happen sooner rather than later. It will likely be worse on you having to hang around with him knowing it's only temporary...through the holidays. You can still spend the holidays together...just invite his daughter (and him) to your new place.
I think your attitude sounds good. You sound strong. Taking control of your life rather than waiting on his whims is helpful. Best of luck.
My ideas of goals: Focus on your D. Try to figure out something with your step-D. Find an activity you enjoy. Maybe a fun church group for singles. I don't know.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Quote: So now I ask you all this, what type of goals should I set for myself now, since my main goal is no longer saving my R with XH but surviving the past and moving on? Any ideas
To make a happy life for you and your daughter. Sounds like a terrific goal to me.
I do think it's better to put your house on the market sooner rather than later. Then again, I have a skewed vision of selling a place right now.
You goals - think of things you want to do, that you want to do with your daughter, that you want to learn, explore, improve on. Make some goals for your new place.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
