GEL, I clicked the reply button in your post because it was the last post in line at the time, but my remarks were really directed at GGB who was speculating that modern mass media have created the notion that we should want a deeply fulfilling sex/love relationship. I was pointing out that this idea predates mass media, and that it is a natural human desire. Sorry for the confusion.
without a shadow of doubt that my self-image has been impacted by the media
I think women are more affected by this then men. What we like is coded in us --full breast and a certain Hip to waist ratio catches the typical mans eye. weather its kate moss or twiggy on the cover of vogue, it doesnt change our code, just like feminism and work place equality hasnt changed womens coding.
Quote: just like feminism and work place equality hasnt changed womens coding.
I don't know, blackfoot. I think my W may be the exception that tests that rule. Sometimes I wonder when she stopped being a woman and started being a cause, or a mission, or a belief system. I'd like to know more about this "coding" idea.
Oh Hairy, your wife is all bark and only superficial bites. She is SO a chick! I wish I could be invisible in your house for one week and tally down all the things she does and says that are like any other woman out there. She is exactly what she most fears--an ordinary woman. Sure her politics may differ from others' but her behavior (push/pull, fish for compliments, test you to see if you're still attracted to her, etc) are pretty commonplace.
So Lou...get this. Last night, D3 couldn't sleep and decided to torture me and keep getting me up with repeated requests. She never does this so I just muddled through it and got her settled down. When I came back to bed, H was sleeping soundly and I was wide awake. I laid there, listening to him sleep, and I kept hearing him make these weird noises and then take a breath. Many many times. 4 or 5 within the space of a couple minutes. I couldn't figure out if he was having a nightmare or what, when it occurred to me that perhaps this was sleep apnea!
Lemme ask you this: He was not 'gasping for air' as the descriptions so often state..he was merely stopping breathing (merely, lol) and then resuming with a kinda click in the back of his throat. I was laying there thinking, I'll be danged! That's why he's so tired all the time!
However, when he rolled onto his side, the noises stopped. So then I wasn't sure.
What do you think?
And what treatments are available for a person with this condition, outside of the cpap machine? He is such a persnickety fella that I know he would not be able to tolerate anything on his face for the night--he'd just have apnea for the rest of his life, were it come to that.
Last night I was feeling lonely and reached my arm over. To my intense surprise, he didn't shove me away or get pissed that I touched him. He reached out and put his hand on mine; must have been feeling loverly. I relate this only to illustrate how badly he hates to be touched while sleeping and how violently he would react to a cpap machine.
Lots of R discussions here last night. Most of it we've gone over before ad nauseum so I will skip it but I tried a new tactic and I thought I'd share it.
As some of you know, MrH is a clean freak. This used to be a bone of contention between us until I just started cleaning every day and keeping everything shipshape. Until yesterday. I looked around and thought wtf am I doing? For 6 years (ever since I quit my job) I have been meeting this need for him, regardless of what he does in return, simply because it is the right thing to do. WHY. So I let the kids trash the house and I even added some considerable mess of my own. And I left it all. He arrived home and was a bit freaked out by it but said nothing. I mean, you couldn't even walk through some of the rooms (3 kids home all day with no mom running after them doing damage control will do that to a home). Dishes in the sink. Toys on the floor. Clothes everywhere. Stuff strewn from one end to the other. Inwardly I was smiling as I saw him surveying it and getting that panicky feeling that it gives him. (truthfully it was freakin me out too--how I've changed)
Then, with an almost imperceptible twinkle in my eye, I informed him that I was done meeting his needs without him reciprocating. If he was going to be "too tired" to meet my needs, then I'd be too tired to meet his. And he could expect to come home to his house looking like this on a regular basis. Now...I was partially kidding. I'm not going to turn into a slob just to spite him. But I was partially serious in that I *have* been meeting his needs regardless of what I get in return. And it gets hard. It's hard to find the energy to keep doing it, day after day, when he craps out on me so often.
We ate dinner (he fixed it, see above) and he headed off to Church. When he came home at 8:30, I saw his eyes get big again. He clearly thought I'd clean it all up while he was gone and that I'd be over my snit. Well I wasn't. I told him I was holding the house hostage until he coughed up his end of the deal. Seeing as how it had been over a week since we last ML, he was all for holding up his end.
So I cleaned the house today. LOL
He knows me better than to think that I will hold the house hostage for real, but it sure was fun to do this. I think in school he must have been a kinetic learner..one of those kids who has to feel/touch it to have the concept sink in.
Having to step over the piles of junk yesterday really drove it home to him that I do a lot for him that I don't really feel like doing. Many times I am tired or stressed out from the kids but I never, ever, shirk this because, well, because I love him and I want him to feel peace when he walks thru the door of our home.
Anyway, I think he was secretly amused by it, though he couldn't let himself feel that too much cause the mess was making him want to crawl out of his skin.
Quote: He was not 'gasping for air' as the descriptions so often state..he was merely stopping breathing (merely, lol) and then resuming with a kinda click in the back of his throat. I was laying there thinking, I'll be danged! That's why he's so tired all the time!
There is a condition where the brain fails to cause the lungs to breath. I dont know the name of the condition but if I run across it I will post it.
RE about being tired, Yes it sounds like he has a sleep problem and might not be getting enough oxygen in his blood while sleeping. I know I can be in bed an hour ot two less when I use my CPAP. It comes in handy laying ther, wanting some PT but not getting any. With the CPAP, I can stay up late and later, crash, go to sleep fast and wake up fairly rested. It is difficult to lay next to someone, wanting a romantic connection and being ignored or pushed away.
Quote: However, when he rolled onto his side, the noises stopped. So then I wasn't sure.
That is common. When you lay on your back, it causes more breathing problems. There is a night shirt with pockets on the back you put tennis balls in to make laying on your back uncomfortable.
The sleep study has you lay on each side, back, and other positions to determine the extent of problems each position causes. From what I know, it takes more blower pressure when people sleep on their back to overcome breathing problems and keep blood oxygen levels up where they should be.
Quote: He reached out and put his hand on mine;......I relate this only to illustrate how badly he hates to be touched while sleeping
I hope his horniess level is about to switch on.
I know I am changing your reason for posting this information, but he is opposite me. Touch me any place, please. Or was that a way you HDW make us SSH feel worse? Just kidding HP. I know you are a sweetie, not a mean bone in your body, except for those kick azzz shoes you have. Any more sleep questions.
HP This had to be so much fun to do and watch his reactions. Now that is thinking outside the box.
Are you going to do this every 2 or three days?
Damn I love it.
HD, then why is she responding so quickly. HP is right. Your W is a chick. Your changes have to be internal, the way you feel about yourself, and how you look at the R between you and your W. Then you will naturally respond appropriately.
Any more sleep questions.