I dont think calling someone my minion is a good way to get off on the right foot TSinA. I am not a king, I have no servants. I do not wish to be one and abdicate that position whenever unwittingly found in it. I am a warrior and enjoy handing out deserved azz whoopings. I enjoy being a magician on occasion and will make you disappear from my view if you keep annoying me. Being a lover/ poet is fun too but it is hard work for me unless the right brain chemistry is in me and you are not likely to engender that. I started a thread in this forum to talk to you. I told you I was doing that, and then you started a thread here also.
Quote: I am posting in this forum,...short on time, don’t wish to go bebopping about the board, and also because I know if I say something that is in error to you the strong willed, independently minded, marriage positive, vocal opinion having ladies that I already know on this forum will gladly hand me my head on a platter
Claiming I am ignoring you when you post where I dont read is pretty lame. If you want to talk more bring it over here.
You pick on people and wonder where they all go. With this attitude I dont think I have anything to offer you.
I am not going to address your questions on biology, they are not going to help you with your sitch.
I will make a comment on your remarks about your sitch. Depending on how you respond we will see if I reply.
Quote: You mean you messed up because you didn't act as the head of the household? X is your ex-wife? You should have been more dominant, because your x wanted it that way, and she told you that?
My WS makes more money than I (it is 60% her, 40% me). I don't feel comfortable making the important decisions about her money, and I think she would fight that anyway, and I don't want to fight about it anyway. So I guess if I don't act more dominant (your word), then I guess I am f*cked, since I don't want to and it doesn't feel right from inside of me, anyway.
Yes I did not act as the Head of my HouseHold. I made some poor choices, that a H who was protecting and caring for his W and M wouldnt/shouldnt make. I acted like a college kid, having a roommate and hanging out with his friends instead of making time for his M more important. Yes when I say x I mean my WAS. Its not a integer I threw into the sentence. Yes I should have been more dominant in the sense that I became insecure in one area and her attitude change because of it and concurrent attraction to OM caused me to stop behaving like I know I should. I should have made decisions in the best interest of our M, and created a safe defensible space for us. I expected her to make decisions about love and feelings like a man does. But I didnt act like a man does when his interests are being threatened. I acted like a cold aloof [censored]. why would she act like a man when I didnt? She acted like a woman. Which she is very much and was a great wife while I was acted like a husband. Dont get the impression that she is some meek, mild mannered wall flower who has no mind or opinion. and now we both suffer because of my failures.
My WS makes more money than I (it is 60% her, 40% me). So what? its both of your monies, if you believe in the partnership you claim too. Does this bother you? does she pay for 60% of household expenses? Does the division of financial responsibility seem fair to you?
I don't feel comfortable making the important decisions about her money, If you made 100% of the money would this change? how about 75% your and 25% her. Why does who makes what percentage change anything. Is it in your head or hers? Who makes the important decisions about your money?
and I think she would fight that anyway do you think or know? has she ever fought you on it truly? or just made token resistance.
I don't want to fight about it anyway Under what circumstances do you want to fight? What do you argue about? Do you always give in to her? Do you ever put your foot down and say no. or jsut act passively aggressively.
So I guess if I don't act more dominant (your word), then I guess I am f*cked, since I don't want to and it doesn't feel right from inside of me, anyway.
Why dont you want to? What would feel right to you? Do things feel right currently? or do you feel out of control? I wont say your are F'ed. You and your W have your own R dynamic. if you are happy in it and she is, it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks of it.
I am asking questions to see what your mindset is and how you feel about certain things. I dont care about the money issue, if you arent comfortable with it bring up another subject that you feel out of control in.
I dont think calling someone my minion is a good way to get off on the right foot TSinA.
Look, I go to church every Sunday, and we have to watch what we say; we can't call someone an SOB when we think that, because we have to see these people every Sunday and other days of the week. The great thing about this board is it's anonymous so you don't have to give dishonest compliments you don't feel ("You go girl, you are the tops") and keep away from criticism or honest reactions. If someone says, "what BF means is . . . " and you don't respond yourself, I get this image of an oriental pasha sitting on a pile of cushions surrounded by adoring "minions" who jump at the chance to show how much they admire him. Now, it's nice to get compliments here, which I have gotten a few of, though mostly posters who would jump at the chance to p*ss on my grave, if they cared at all. It's just nice for me here not to have to shovel out a lot of BS compliments that I don't feel. Since most of the reaction I get here is either massive indifference or howls of protest, at least I know I am getting honesty, however unpleasant. If you want a personal cheering section, go to church, or pay someone $120 an hour (Michele or someone else).
As far as money goes, I just brought that up as an example. I feel defensive about the money imbalance, because I fantasize my WS thinks less of me as a man because of it. But she has never said one word about it, so all that is probably in my head. We married each other late, in our 40's, so we had already set up our spending habits and have separate checking accounts, etc. It's never been an issue, although we have discussed arranging things for probate, etc., "in the event of our demise", etc. I just brought up the issue as an example of dominance/submission.
I still don't have a handle on your situation, since your replies don't give any specific instances, Yes I should have been more dominant in the sense that I became insecure in one area and her attitude change because of it and concurrent attraction to OM caused me to stop behaving like I know I should, I don't know what that means, but maybe you think it's none of my eff'ing business.
I brought up the biology, because you had said biology proves your dominance/submission theory, but if it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter.
I'm not sure which post to reply to; it's usually more convenient to reply directly to your last post, but I think I read you saying you want a reply to Attitude leads to behavior, or maybe not.
Yeh, I do tend to rub people pretty roughly here, but how can I escape my male heritage (biology). Dave Barry gives the following scenario:
Male:(bumping into another M): Hey, watch where you're f*cking going! 2nd M: Oh, yeh, well eff you. Male: Oh, yeh, well eff you back (they shove each other) -------------------------------------------------------- Female: (bumping into another F): Oh, excuse, me. I am so sorry! 2nd F: No, it was my fault. Female: Those are lovely shoes. (They go shopping together).
Is that biology?
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
Well my post got lost. and you personalized it. I see you have been making friends today TSinA.
here is my previous post from memory....
I actually like this post. You come off as strong in it. I actually like it when men stand up and fight back a little.
So efff you too. yes that is from biology.
I feel defensive about the money imbalance, because I fantasize my WS thinks less of me as a man because of it. But she has never said one word about it, so all that is probably in my head
Well that is a negative inner voice, (kinda like the one you have that says no one likes me I may as well be mean for no reason. and then it gets validated.) and it causes you to act in a weak and fearful manner. Which is not attractive to a woman.
Untill you change above mentioned inner voice, there is nothing I can do to help you. So though I will not make you disappear, I am not inclined to have in depth convos with you either.
There is not much else to comment on in your post other then your excuse about posting to me on another forum.
People here are helpers, I dont see any real negative ones YET that are out to mess up other people. May want to try taking some of the medicine handed out around here, even if it tastes bad. Ill say it straight out. People like self confidance and PMA. I dont see either in you, currently, or a mind open to them.
Untill you change above mentioned inner voice, there is nothing I can do to help you
I don't want any help. I am just giving my honest reactions to posts on this board, and writing down my own thoughts about my situation. If it helps me, fine. It usually helps me to crystalize my thoughts by writing them out.
Our pastor made an interesting presentation at our Men's Breakfast this morning. There is a site on the web about an ex-USAF fighter pilot who felt compelled to take up drawing after retirement. He had a dream that he was commanded to learn drawing and draw pictures of what Jesus would look like appearing to people in common professions as these people go about their daily tasks. So we see truck drivers with Jesus sitting behind them with His hands guiding theirs on the steering wheel, etc. Our pastor asked for our responses to these images. I said I feel a spirit rather than a physical presence; in other words, I don't see his physical, corporeal image; rather, a spirit giving me peace and letting me know not to take things so seriously and not to let ordinary stresses bother my peace of mind and spirit. Anyway, our pastor said that he believes many times we can find the spirit of Jesus and his love and compassion in our dealings with other people, rather than in our individual existences. So, his charge to us was to look for ways in our daily lives, especially on a Friday workday, to find love and compassion and share it with others. So-o-o-o, in this spirit, I will tell those who think of me as negative and envious and critical that the only thing I have to bring to this board is a honest reaction to their posts. That is my way of showing support. If you think of this as negative, critical, bitchy, well can a leopard change his spots?
P.S. This is not a religious tract, or sermonizing or proselytizing or anything. If as a Jew or Muslim or Hindu, you are are offended by my referencing Jesus, I am not sorry. I am just referring to the qualities of love and compassion Jesus showed to the world as an alternate way of looking at the world, rather than the view of the Romans of the time that force and power were what were most important.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
No, but YOU are not a leopard. You are a thinking, feeling, rational human being. Comparing yourself to an animal that has no ability to change what you describe appears to me to be nothing more than excuse to continue the behavior some of us perceive as hateful or childish. YOU can change behavior, YOU can choose different behaviors....a leopard cannot choose to change it's coat. Do you take this "I'm just this way you can't expect me to change" approach in your M? Just an honest question.
Also, I doubt anyone here would be offended by your take on Jesus either, you'll see there is plenty of room for different perspectives on religion.....and your perspective on that is something I can understand.
Comparing yourself to an animal that has no ability to change what you describe appears to me to be nothing more than excuse to continue the behavior some of us perceive as hateful or childish
Hateful or childish . . . those are fighting words. But you are entitled to your opinion. I don't believe I have been verbally abusive or attacked anyone in hate, but it's a free country.
"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places." - Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms, 1929.
That IS how you come off to me in your posts when people don't agree with you, obviously I cannot speak for anyone else...so I won't attempt to. As you said, I am entitled to my opinion.
You are not verbally abusive or hateful--you are passive aggressive and derisive instead. Either way, it's not attractive. Instead of saying, I don't like the way NYSurvivor inspires people to flock to him, you instead call him a vaguely derisive name (Uncle) and passively try to take him down a notch via sarcasm.
What's it to you if people want to listen to him? Why does it bother you so much? That's what I'm encouraging you to think about.
People do read your thread and are intrigued by your situation. I will give you a hint and tell you that you'd get a lot more replies if your feedback on others' threads was constructive in any way. Instead there seems to be a smartass tone to what you say and you seek out men who have strong personalities and attempt to subversively take em down.
I'd rather read more about YOU and what makes you and your W tick, than what you think about Blackfoot or NYS or anyone other poor sucker who's here.
yes that is from biology. 