I dont understand how everyone can keep saying we both should clean the house. She is a housewife! So im supposed to work all week then clean my house all weekend and the whole time she can just do whatever? Maybe she should get a job!?! I have expressed many times my feelings and tried to talk about it. She just says "arghh, now you think I am a bad wife" Its very frustrating. The sex thing i donnt get. We hug all day and cuddle all day. If I try to get her to have sex she just pushes me away. I can understand.
Why was it okay with you in the beginning and now you are angry about it? Can you see that you have gotten yourself into this mess and now you will have to get yourself out?
Fwiw, I totally agree with you--housewives are, by their very job description, responsible for cleaning the house. However, you treated her like a princess and made it out that you were ok with her slovenliness and now...NOW...you are berating her and harassing her about it. Seems to me you shoulda thought of that from the get-go. In other words, YOU are the one who's changed...now you will have to wait for her to play catchup. Hint: You will catch more flies with honey than vinegar, so maybe you should change your tactics. It seems awfully unfair that you pooh poohed the idea of her dirtying her dainty lil hands for years and now you are abruptly changing that tune.
Have you ever had an honest conversation about what the division of labor will be? For instance, she will be responsible for the daily picking up and tidying up but you both will pitch in once a month for a deep cleaning.
Also, as a fellow "I hate housecleaning" person, I will tell you that I pick one thing to do each day...laundry, dusting, mopping, etc. So there is not one day where my house is both dusted AND mopped. But overall, within the space of a week, everything gets cleaned. My house is always tidy and picked up each day. It wasn't always like this. I had to completely change my habits and my H was a lot like you--thought he could berate me and harrass me into doing it his way.
Have you ever said to her: You can either keep house or get a job. Which would you like to do?
My H was realllllllllly passive aggressive about the housecleaning. He flipped back and forth between being passively and quietly pissed about the state of the house to being openly hostile about it to being nicey nice and saying I shouldn't have to do it, anyway, and doing it himself. It was maddening.
When you talk directly to her, giving her choices between work and housekeeping, what does she choose? What excuses does she use for not holding up her end of the bargain? What is her love language and do you make sure that her needs are being met by you?
