"All, however, is not back to normal. H doesn't touch me or use any affectionate language. He will kiss me on the cheek if one of us is going on a trip without the other but that is about it."
I'm curious if that ever returned? Would love to hear more about your progress over the years.
Sadly, we haven't made much progress on that front over the years. There has been some hugging, some hand-holding in bed, and kisses on the lips. When away, there have been a few occasions where things have gone further but always felt a bit awkward and hard work.
To my surprise, H said this morning that I had a great figure. I'm so not used to him saying that sort of thing that I asked him what he meant. He said that he thought I had a great figure when we met (22 years+ ago) when I was 28 but that it was even better now. Anyway, it's nice knowing that's what he thinks but you wouldn't know by his actions...
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Sounds like you've read the 5LL, so you may remember from that book that nagging won't get a response from anyone. He already knows you want him to lose weight, so you don't need to constantly remind him. Instead, fill his love tank via whatever his language is and that will give him incentive to fulfill your wishes. I'm just bringing it up again after all this time because you expressed that you're having trouble again, so it may be a good time to re-read 5LL and put those practices into action. And DB/ DR too of course
Thank you very much for the reminders and the encouragement. Actually, I have managed to stop nagging about his weight. I'm tempted to bring up topic of his drinking but I won't as I know it won't move things in a good direction. You are absolutely right about filling up his love tank. You have only joined recently but you sound very wise, AnotherStander. Do you have a thread?
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
H has just gone out to look for some Pink Lady apples--supposedly. I suspect it will be an expedition that will last hours. I could find some in 5 minutes. I hate this. I was so tempted to try to get more info out of him but didn't.
I'm going to Canada on Tuesday for a week to see my grandmother. God knows what he'll do while I'm away. I have lots of care lined up for S13. I really hate feeling the way I do at the moment--anxious and with no control. I'm really tempted to hire a private investigator.
I need to remember that the way forward is for me to be someone only a fool would leave. He hates being 'under the spotlight' so questioning him about his whereabouts is certainly not going to help my cause. What if he just wants to have his cake and eat it too though? Aren't I just allowing this to happen?
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Not if he's carrying on an inappropriate relationship with another woman, and not working with you on the marriage honestly. Newcomers or Infidelity would probably be a better place for you to post.
I'm not seeing where you really answered my previous question: WAS there infidelity (on his part) involved in your prior break-up? You hint at it ("another affair") but don't really otherwise answer.
