Quote: Does anyone have any suggestions about how to "come out of the dark" and maybe put a finger in the air to see if the winds are blowing warm or if the "Alberta Clipper" is still in town?
I think you answered it yourself Jabez ...
Quote: The last time I talked to a DB coach, she said to make plans for D13&D15 & myself and not include WAW. I've done that. The only interaction I have w/WAW is via email regarding D13&D15. She said to leave the onus on WAW for plans for us together.
Remember patience. You have to wait until WAW makes a move.
When I decided I'd been dark long enough I wrote my husband a very DB note, that said, in calm, non-clingy language that I waSn't sure this is what I wanted and asked was he - he you know what - he wasn't.
That was because I was working on my timetable, not his. If you put your head over the parapet now, it is likely to be shot down because you are responding to your needs and your feelings rather than those of your wife.
You are doing so well Jabez. Remember why you are doing this, and the prize if you get it right.
Just keep being patient.
V
V
Never make someone a priority, who makes you an option.
Quote: If you put your head over the parapet now, it is likely to be shot down because you are responding to your needs and your feelings rather than those of your wife.
WAW is having out-patient surgery today. Do you think a simple card with just a note saying "Hope you're feeling better. H" will be perceived as pursuit or putting my head over the parapet?
WAW asked me to take D13&D15 for a day while she recoups.
Quote: Does anyone have any suggestions about how to "come out of the dark"
Hi Jabez
You might want to check this thread out. It's in the newcomers forum and has a link to a thread where many have posted things that they have done to test the waters.
Thanks. I've read that thread, but I needed to review it. I think that I'm going to send a simple get well card w/just a simple get well wish. Nothing else.
Tonight took all of the DB strength that I had. I took my parents to see D15&D13 perform in a show and in walks WAW w/OM. I wanted to bean them both! Rmember the scene in Mrs. Doubtfire when Robin Williams throws a piece of fruit at Pierce Bronson at the swimming pool? That's what I wanted to do. UFB! At least I got a few laughs out of my parents with a few sarcastic comments I made. Up until 6:00 this evening, it was a good day. Now I have to work and making it a good night. Good night.
Thanks BB & V. I had a hot chocolate with a shot of creme de cocao in it and veged in front of the tube watching SNL 'till I fell asleep.
The evenets of last night have had me distracted all day. I can't concentrate. I messed up my part in the choir this morning in church. I felt like the ying and the yang of faith, hope & love vs. hate & revenge were swirling around in my gut all day. For the umpteen time I have to say I hate this and this sucks.
On the Break Free From the Affair website, he says that "gold is refined in high temperatures". I wonder when I'm gonna feel golden?
The good thing about being 15 months into this mess and 9 months into DBing, is that the extreme downhill rollercoaster rides are shorter and not as extreme. I was unglued on Sun b/c of Sat PM.
I talked to my parents last night. They said that they had never seen me so angry. They said that WAW is the flint that sets me off. That made me think and I took one more step in the letting go / dropping the rope direction. I'm tired of my emotions revovling around WAW. It's just not a good way to live.
On Mon I sent an email to WAW stating that it was inappropriate to bring OM to DD's performance. Today she replied "I'll go where I want, when I want, with whom I want." At one time, I would have blown up over this, but when I talked to DBC, she said that MLC'rs think like adolecents and thus, I was able to see this as WAW being am MLC WAW and should I have expected anything different? Nah.
So I'm back on the "Me" path. My life is about me being me, not me reacting to WAW. It's about me looking in the mirror each morning and seeing a guy who I'm proud to be. A dad who is a rock for DD's. A dad who loves his DD's and they not only love him, but love to be around him! A son with whom his parents are proud. A friend whose friends are glad to have him as a friend. And in the end, I can say I did it my way and others will be amazed at me.
I can't control WAW. I certainly don't want to own her problems. I am me and me I will be. (That sounded too much like Dr. Seusse )
. 
)