Quote: we went to the Buddhist temple (sharing the spirituality)...........I went back to bed after doing dog stuff, and she started snuggling me. That was all the invitation I needed, and it went very nicely from there.
WTG Hairdog, I hope you feel all worn out and relaxed!
I don't have much time to write...I'll try for some more, later. I did want to share this with y'all. We had our MC appointment today, and the MC suggested...a schedule. In order to fit "us time" into our busy schedule, we went down the week and determined that the best time for this would be: Monday evening.
The last time I got nookie twice in 24 hours was at 2:36 pm, October 11, 1999, the second day of our honeymoon. But who's counting?
You can uncross your fingers, toes, etc. It didn't happen. Seems I said something in our MC appt. that she didn't like. After we went through our lists (of things we'd like the other person to do), the MC asked us to assign a grade representing the job the other one was doing.
Yes, red flags went up. I should have just said, "no way." In retrospect, it was pretty stupid for the MC to do this. But I'm not blaming her. W gave me an "A minus." That's pretty good. I gave her a "B plus." When the MC asked why each of us gave the grades we did, I said it's because she's doing so much better than she has been doing, but, as with all things, there is always room for improvement.
She didn't react badly to it there in the MC's office. She didn't react badly that night, either, except when I said, "So, are you ready to head upstairs?" She said, acting surprised, "Oh, well, I figured after this morning...and we had the MC appointment too...uh..." So I thought to myself, "you're pushing it, Hairdog," and I said, "Okay. No problem."
This morning, though, she let me have it. Said that there's just no pleasing me; I just need, need, need; and she gives, gives, gives; and she still only merits a lousy A minus.
Sigh
So we had a big argument. I told her that I want to be honest with her and tell her my feelings, and that she hears those as criticism and gets hurt and.... We've been through this argument a hundred times.
And I brought up that I appreciated her efforts, the day to day touching, and especially that mornings ML session. But, I said, it's just one time.
She pretty much went ballistic. My point was that I really enjoyed it, and felt great about it but that I wasn't going to start expecting it on a regular basis or anything.
She heard it as total criticism, like, "big deal, you did it once" and "it's never going to happen again" and "I don't trust you enough to ever let that happen again."
We finally worked it out, I guess. At least, we weren't yelling by the end of the call, and she even called me later to calmly tell me something about needs and wanting to feel loved.
I tell ya, folks, I don't think it needs to be this hard. And I really don't think that I'm the one that's making it so hard.
I will tell you, however, that come next Monday night, I will initiate a "special time" together, with no expectation of ML, but I will be firm that we spend time touching, away from the TV, which is what we agreed upon in the MC's office.
To what do you attribute this initiation on her part? 
Hairdog, I hope you feel all worn out and 
relaxed!
