Why do people INTENTIONALLY want to deprive themselves
It is not intentional in my opinion. Even though I experience this very thing I do not understand it myself. But I know I do not deeprve myself on purpose.It is just not a great need for me. Now if I felt I could orgasm and choose not to that would be intentionally depriving myself.
I read something on someones thread about desire then stimulation and stimulation then desire. Lil probably knows more about this. I am the latter of the two I think this may be part of the reason. After a orgasm since there is no longer stimulation there is no desire to do it again. It is the only half logical reason I can think of.
Chrissy, Good stuff! I was thinking about my LDH just now and you just answered one of my questions. That ol' pesky stimulation-then-desire thing. I forget about that *quite* often, as unfair as it is to H. I still look for desire from him before stimulation. I'll never learn, aghhhh. When I do stimulate him, it's there in droves.
Sounds like an easy solution but trust me, it's no easier for an HD person to get past than it is for the LD person to just do it, or something like that.
"Sounds like an easy solution but trust me, it's no easier for an HD person to get past than it is for the LD person to just do it, or something like that."
Great point HP.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
One thing I have learned for fact on this BB is how hard our R can be no matter what side of the fence we are on.
I have also come to believe though I do not agree with the fact that the LD controls the R totally on the sexual front. They do control the R on the improving side. And yes sometimes that is by simply being willing to have sex more often then they desire to. Or to be open to compromise would be a better way to put it.
I know you particapated in the post I was talking about. Alot of what came of it made sense to me but took awhile to sink in to figuring out why/what would cause someone to not crave orgasms it took the knowledge of what had been said and paying attention to what was going on with myself durring sex to figure out what I stated above. Though those on the BB who do not have spouses that will allow themselves to get to the stimulated point are still screwed no matter if my reasoning holds any water.
Well, I don't want another O IMMEDIATELY AFTER I have one. Just like you don't want another double chocolate fudge brownie IMMEDIATELY AFTER you eat one. But the next day, you remember that there's a tupperware container of brownies in the kitchen and you can't stop thinking about them. You remember how good they tasted and pretty soon you're headed for the kitchen.
Chrissy, do you ever look at O's this way?
It occurred to me that maybe LD people do not have really powerful O's. I have really long powerful spectacular O's due to years and years of practice. Maybe to some people, an O is nice but nothing to write home about.
Just like wine connoisseurs can taste all the subtleties in a glass of wine, but I just don't like wine and wouldn't be interested in learning to like it. Just not my cup of tea, as it were.
That stuff about which happens first, desire, arousal, etc. was from a book called "Reclaiming Your Sexual Desire."
The best compairison I can give with a O and how it feels. Have you ever had to pee very badly for a long period of time.When you finally sit down and pee it brings tears to your eyes and the release is just awesom. That is pretty much the same experience I have when I have a orgasm. That built up release
My wife has very intense and pleasurable orgasams, sometimes I even get her twice. But she also says if she never had sex again she would be ok with that. She NEVER goes looking for sex, EVER. I have gone for months without initiating and NOTHING, she does not desire sex. So how can you have such pleasure and yet NEVER go looking for it?
Even worse, is why do the LD spouses not want to give pleasure to their HD spouse? The whole purpose of sex is to GIVE love not necessarily receive it. The whole perspective that my LD wife has on sex is completely illogical to me. To intentionally NOT give your spouse pleasure just makes no sense!
Quote: The best compairison I can give with a O and how it feels.
I often wondered what women felt during O's. I even wished I could switch bodies and minds with BB so she could feel what I felt and me feel what it was like for her. Only in the movies so if you have any more descriptions you care to post, I'm reading them.
I think men expwrience O's different but experience something similar to the When you finally sit down and pee it brings tears to your eyes and the release is just awesom.
Quote: The whole purpose of sex is to GIVE love not necessarily receive it.
Cemar, some people can give for a while but most people quit or greatly reduce giving when they don't get much out of the event.
whole purpose of sex is to GIVE love That is a Santa Clause mentality to some people. People give to get something they want most of the time.
I can give to the hurricane victums because it does not happen everyday and the need is so great it makes giving easy. But on a daily basis I think the givers need have to play a big part in why and what they give.
Maybe I am too much into economic models. If spouses don't want what we have to offer or do not value what we bring to a R, I suppose they are not motivated to give us what we want.
How much does your W value a sexual connection with you? What do you have or provide that she thinks is worthwile? What is the exchange rate? (make believe you and her are using different currencies and the exact same product has a different value in each currencies.)
An example of different values. My son likes to bicycle race but dislikes TV. He will pay $400 for a headlamp so he can ride at night but won't pay more than $100 for a TV.
BB would not pay more than $5 for a flashlight but did pay $1,500 for a TV.
Do you think I could ever get them to agree on a flashlight and a TV if they went shopping together. No way. I would never try to.
Next question for you, What would your W see as valuable enough to get her interested in sex? What would you have to withdraw from the R in order for her to see you are valuable. Something, leaving, nothing? Remember, some spouses want a partner/roommate, not a lover.
ZB's wife has her dogs and animal rescue. If ZB left alone or with the kids, would she change to get him and the kids back, cope, or even be happier? No predictions. Just used him as an example.
