Week-end went OK till I said I was driving to Philadelphia, NYC, and Orlando. Then BB said she did not want me to drive, she wanted me to fly and rent cars.
BB said I would be gone 2 months, the roads would be bad, It might snow, my car might break down, I might be robbed , and my back would not take the sitting time. I said I was driving and BB said "we'll see about that."
Aside
BB can really creat a disaster in her mind. This is a constant problem. The recent snowstorm problems, being prepared for a terroist atack (In Montana?), West Nile Virus? and wanting to stay home when it snows 2 inches are re-occuring topics of discussion. (end)
I took the "we'll see about that " as some revenge statement and said I was driving. I slept in the other room and neither one of us got much sleep.
This AM BB asid "It's always about you" and I said "Why do I have to take my vacation how you want me to take it?" I explained her "we'll see about thaty" sounded like a threat that she had some devious plan if I drove. We talked some more and I explained what I planned on seeing on the way and that flying eliminated most of those stops.
This afternoon, BB asked me if I would consider buying an almost new car. I was surprised. Most of what she said yesterday sounded controlling. This afternoon she sounded really concerned about my welfare. She said nothing changed in her mind, she wants me to get there and back safely.
So, perception of what is said can vary so much, I am at a loss for words.
Was her apparent controlling yesterday an attempt to test or control me? Or was this one of those "tests" women spring on their men?
This afternoons kiss was a complete opposite of last evenings "get away from me you selfish pig" attitude. Maybe I can repeat Hairdog's AM romp in Lou land.
I really enjoy it tremendously when the blow it out your a$$ approach works. The tight rope act is to not go overboard with and be controlling in return.
A nice side benefit was finding out that she thought that way, because she cares about you, and SOOOO much so that she wants you to have a new car!. She wants you to come back. RIGHT ON. one thing extra you could do in this situation next time is to ASSUME that she worrys--because she loves you- and tease her about it. If it is true, she will feel like you understand her and feel vulnerable closer to you as a result. That is a good thing. If it isnt the reason, it will put the thought in her head. WIN/WIN.
Example. You just dont want me to drive, cause youll miss me soooo much, having no one around to work on the house..... joking voice....
Its good to look at them as 'tests' Lou, but understand that they are not maliciously plotted, or consciously concieved.
The 'well see about that' statement was a upping the ante test of your strength, a double check so to speak. The strength is unexpected and had to be 'probed a bit' for belief. The further probing didnt faze you either, and voila the attraction was dialied up a little bit.
I love it so much. Isnt it fun?
BB can really creat a disaster in her mind. This is a constant problem. The recent snowstorm problems, being prepared for a terroist atack (In Montana?), West Nile Virus? and wanting to stay home when it snows 2 inches are re-occuring topics of discussion
in the future instead of trying to discount or logical her out of these, try just looking at her, not condescendingly but not with understanding either. hard to put into words..... more like a HmmmPhhh. Silly girl. I have this uner control.
Trying to rationalize them with her gives them credence.
perception of what is said can vary so much, I am at a loss for words
Assume the positive and spin it that way in your response, Strong- 'I am driving'- positive- 'you will miss me'- spun- with humor.
Dont dread the 'tests' have fun with them. It makes the R vibrate, you are in tune with her, she knows it, is thrown off balance a bit yet loves it, and humor is good for all.
Sounds like BB tried to bully you into doing your vacation her way. And when you did not cave her true reasons came out. She was concerned for your saftey. That is a good sign. In the past when she has been concerned about your health she seemed more interested in having sex. Maybe saftey issues will play out the same.
I can see Lou's post in the morning BB out of fear for my saftey decided we should have rampant sex. So as of today no more computer repairs I am now taking up professional sky diving
Quote: Its good to look at them as 'tests' Lou, but understand that they are not maliciously plotted, or consciously concieved.
Boy, they sure used to feel nothing like a test. They are staring to now and I don't take them as seriously. The not maliciously ploted thing takes some getting used to. They felt like do or die events in the past.
Quote: because she cares about you, and SOOOO much so that she wants you to have a new car!.
It still can snow, I still can get robbed? and I still might be gone for 2 months (reality 3 weeks) even with a new car. That was causing me some logic problems. BB loves to throw money at problems. That is the "Hospital's MO." The more they spent (non-profit org.) the happier everyone was. Why not it was not their money anyway.
Quote: I love it so much. Isn't it fun?
I would rather deal with statistical possabilities and logic (semi Mr Spock) than this emotional rollercoaster. But hay, this is what I have and I will eventually learn to deal with the situation the best I can and not let it upset me so much.
Quote: It makes the R vibrate, you are in tune with her, she knows it, is thrown off balance a bit yet loves it, and humor is good for all.
(is thrown off balance a bit yet loves it) more like she has to work at the R and people who work at something appreciate the fruits of their labor more than someone who is just given the fruits.
Quote: voila the attraction was dialied up a little bit.
Yes, it seems so.
Quote: The tight rope act is to not go overboard with and be controlling in return.
That is one reason I post some things that seem to me, like they are trivial. I don't want to go overboard and if I did, I suppose someone would point it out to me.
Quote: Long conversation. Bottom line we are on for 9PM.
So I lied a little.
It was 9:10PM to 9:35PM and on New 400 thread count sheets over a Nova Foam matterss topper. Wo Ho! Not wild, but somewhat connected to start with. Then I seemed to lose her. BB is a "nothing is more important than sleep" person.
BTW Astroglide works well Lil. Thanks for posting the 747/garage line.
This AM, back to normal. Mrs doom and gloom is alive with what if's that can go wrong. BB said menopausal women are not meant to be sexual????? Now I have my fingers crossed (i really don't believe in that sort of thing) BB does not get a UTI. I don't comment on many of her concerns and keep going on in my own world.
Blackfoot, I will have to use some of your ideas like you said about missing the handy man!
I always thought the best way for women to avoid UTI after sex was to pee. If they do not, the bacteria can travel up short urethra, causing the UTI. Does she know this? If not, maybe give her a gallon of fluids to drink before hand. That out to flush it out.
Where are the science questions? You know us science types like to pontificate endlessly. If you don't ask I'm going to have to start making up questions for myself and answering them.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Cobra, BB refuses to pee either before or after sex, in order to reduce her UTI occurrence. Rather, she gets the UTI's and then wants to use that as her reason for avoiding sex.
Crazy!
Lou, Just wanted to let you know that the prophylactic (sp?) use of antibiotics that I'm on for UTI's is going splendidly! I've only had to use it one time, one pill.
It is definitely a possibility for BB if she's too darn stubborn to try other methods of preventing them in the first place.
Quote: the best way for women to avoid UTI after sex was to pee
I spent a couple of months on the net looking at UTI issues, read 2 books, posted on a menapausal web site and asked questions here. I condensed it down and gave the information to BB. I posted it here too.
Yes, she pees after sex, but she thinks she still has to remind me that once women get to be a certain age, sex ends.
, and my back would not take the sitting time. I said I was driving and BB said "we'll see about that."
I was surprised. Most of what she said yesterday sounded controlling. This afternoon she sounded really concerned about my welfare. She said nothing changed in her mind, she wants me to get there and back safely.
Why not it was not their money anyway.