"I think it can be a form of continued powerlessness to think that progress may be contingent on confronting dad.
I don't see it as wrong or wrong-headed. I just hestitate for it to be placed in a position of importance without which Glob is hindered. Just my personal opinion."
I really see your point strongly here MrsNOP. I think I do need to have a plan that primarily involves just me, but if I can take advantage of an interaction with my father, do it if it will help. KWIM? If the interaction with dad doesn't go well, or doesn't happen, I need to make sure it doesn't sink the overall plan.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"You know, sometimes I think we delude ourselves into thinking that if we "really let em have it" we will feel better but the only thing we feel afterwards is as much of a schmuck as the other person always acts like, kwim?"
That is the reason why I have delayed any confrontation. I know it would make me feel bad if I just attacked him.
"I'm just not sure how beneficial airing dirty laundry is."
Ummm. Isn't that partly why we are all here?
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"Anything less would be hiding. It is a gamble that Globule must evaluate. If he can prepare for the risks, a catastrophe should not create too much more damage. But I think the gains are too great to ignore."
Interesting thoughts Cobra. Processing. I'll definitely bring this stuff up with the various Cs and get some more opinions on the matter before I act.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Regarding closure- I believe that one of the deepest needs of every human being, adult or child, is to be heard and acknowledged.
Confronting someone about something that happened in the past can be very helpful if at the end of the confrontation you feel that you have been heard and acknowledged.
The process is not about attacking, or about "taking someone down a notch." It's about having your hurt recognized and having the other person accept responsibility for their actions.
As Chrissy pointed out, you do not have to confront the person in person to get this closure, but IMHO, if it's possible, it's the best way to get the job done. I agree with cobra that working through this on your own is not as complete as getting real, live acknowledgment from the person who hurt you.
Mrs. NOP, it seems to me that you are approaching this rationally, viz., "it doesn't make sense that confronting your parent/uncle/grandma should help." This is true; it doesn't make sense. But some things are outside the realm of logic and making sense to the brain. I wouldn't call them irrational, but I would call them non-rational, or beyond rationality. The stuff I was saying about the unconscious the other day also falls into this category. It doesn't make sense that re-visiting an incident in childhood and re-living the feelings should make some physical symptom disappear, but that is, in fact, what sometimes happens. It's not magic, wicca, or mumbo-jumbo; it's just psychological principals that sometimes come into play. Saying that they don't make sense or don't stand up to logic does not invalidate them as tools, but it does put these tools outside the reach of the person who measures by the yardstick of logic things that in all practicality cannot be measured that way.
I mean, we don't measure prayer by logic, do we? And yet we consider it a valid practice, right? But I digress...
Glob, this is something you must come to terms with one way or another. This wound from the past is crippling you in the present. And it is not a matter of "getting a grip" and using willpower to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. Therapy with the right therapist can help. I agree that in your case, an in-person meeting would be a pretty advanced place to start. Writing a letter and then burning it might be good. Then write another and another until you've got exactly right the message you want to speak. Then burn all of those, too.
I cannot imagine any psychiatrist bringing your parents into a session for you to confront them! That happens in the movies or when dealing with minors, but I seriously doubt if you will have to make any decisions about that.
My father and I had a very troubled relationship. He was an angry man (surprise, surprise ). We didn't see each other at all during the last 10 years of his life. But right before he died we had one wonderful phone conversation where I feel we really connected in a way we had only done once or twice in my whole life. He apologized and I apologized for not being a better father/daughter pair. It was so beautiful. And then I asked him to promise that he would never forget me. And he made me that promise. Read the saying at the bottom of my post and know that this applies to your dad, too. I treasure that one phone call. It would have been so wonderful if our R could have been like IRL... but at least I have that call to remember.
