I am so happy for you that you finally got back into your house I know it must be hard right now.
Now you need to make all those changes to the house that you spoke of doing for YOU. Focus on that. Make that house into the home that YOU want for YOU and S6.
XW will one day see what she is missing out on with you and S6. But SHE has to be the one to realize that. You cannot make her wake up to it. Keep moving on with making YOU and S6 top priority and being happy with that.
Just wait until the "new" wears off on her new condo. She is no longer in her "comfortable" place (your house) and she now may eventually have to sit down and take a good hard look at where she is and what she has done.
Don't let her anger get to you. Stay upbeat around her no matter what. Do not allow yourself to be drug down by her and her remarks, actions, etc. You are too good for that
Keep hanging in there. You know where I am if you need me
I will focus on making those changes for myself and S6. It is really nice to be out of my dump and back home.
XW left me the dishware from our M, but I decided to pack it up for attic storage and I got a brightly colored replacement set.
Last night, when I got home, I walked into an empty house that was to stay empty. No W or child to come home later. But I turned on MNF, had 1 corona, read, talked to my parents, and went to bed. This am was okay - it's getting better.
No S6 today. XW called and offered to drive S6 to school, and I took him up and back yesterday. I said thank-you and noted that I appreciated it.
It is funny to hear you call me a tough cookie. I wish you could have seen me in the beginning.
I saw that you were initially separated in 10/04. I separated in 11/03. I can't tell you how many times I just broke down and cried. I could have screamed into my pillow forever. My MIL told me the breaking down uncontrollably would last around six months after I had endured 3 months. When I was still breaking down after a year, I thought something was wrong with me. I know realize that she probably just told me six months so she wouldn't scare me to death. MIL's H (ex's dad) was an alcoholic and left her for his secretary. Ex's father has been in recovery for about 13 years now. H was affected by that divorce in an awful way. It was like he repeated his father's life uncounsciously. Weird.... There were six kids and ex took the worst blow. He was 13 when it happened. He said he could remember hearing his mother cry for hours and hours inside her room. He said he thought she would never stop. There was a sibling who was six, and he actually faired the best. I think the younger the kids are the better.
When I initially divorced, my friend told me it would take two years to feel good again. I did not want to hear that, but he was actually right. It took me nearly two years to really smile again without having to force it or pretend. I mean I smiled, but the pain never stopped long enough to be happy. It does fade more and more. I truly thought with all my heart that I would walk this earth trying to fight back tears forever. It is so weird how one day the pain is a little less and then a little less and a little less.......
It is interesting that you say ex's plants were dead and how she stopped feeding the birds. She is going through a lot!! I had so many beautiful plants. They all died!! Shortly into in my separation, my grandfather's wife came to my house to get my mail while I was out of town. She told me that she felt so sorry for my plants and tried to save them and get them to perk up just a little. I said thanks and then just let them croke for good once she left.
Your ex sounds like she is dealing with a lot of anger. You know there is a book that helped me get through to ex a lot. Don't let the name scare you. It is called "How to Divorce as Friends." In the insert it says "how to divorce as friends and possibly even renew your love. I swear it is what saved my relationship with ex. It gives a lot of ideas about difusing anger. I think your wives anger is eating her up inside. Maybe you could help her let it go.
I think you are at a good time in your situation to start to help let this happen. It was at about a year of separation that I read this book and practiced the techniques. They worked like magic with my ex. An example would have been when ex filed the RO on you, you would have told her, "I was really wrong about snooping through your stuff and I understand why you felt the need to file an RO." All of sudden, they are apologizing to you for what they did. At first it feels weird until you realize that the results make it feel great to do. It helps you let go of your anger too because you are getting an apology for things like an RO. You are gritting your teeth through the first times you do this, but now I live my life doing it. It just comes naturally.
It is a very simple read. You have nothing to lose. A lot of it you already know from DBing but it will probably still help you.
Is there a way to email people within this board. I could send it to you by email. It is sold as a regular book but you can purchase it by ebook also which is what I have.
Know what I hear a lot of on here, from everyone? Wild speculation. While it may be true that your XW is unhappy, angry, and may even have regrets, it may also be that it has absolutely nothing to do with the divorce. She might be pleased about that and just a little down that she hasn't found someone else yet. Or perhaps she's so deleriously happy and GAL that she doesn't have time for things of less importance like housework, birds, or flowers. We all have a habit, me included, of putting the spin we prefer on each situation. Even if they are absolutely miserable, there is no reason to suspect that our XS sees us as a logical cure for that. Most probably do have anger built up, but unless significant time and new, less painful memories of us take the place of the old ones, I don't see a whole lot of reason to suspect that they'll "wake up" and smell the coffee.
This is my way of saying in a Brucian way that there is still too much focus on XW. It's okay to be sympathetic if sympathy is called for, but your sympathy is based on speculation about her state. Continue to work on yourself, including thinking primarily about your own happiness, and less on your XW. She will do whatever she is going to do.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Alright.... I've got my Columbo hat on here.... Let's see, I'm not quite clear on this, but correct me if I'm wrong:
First, Kevin disappears and isn't heard from again after hearing creaks in his attic. Then Wes disappears for days after insulting Bruce, only to reappear in alias form, reverting to "Wes" and sounding exactly like Bruce.
Coincidence? I think not!
Watch your backs, everyone. We may have a loose mechanical pencil rooming around here....
XW just called me today for the second time, this time to tell me that S6 gets out of school early tomorrow. She sounded kind and friendly...maybe she's reconsidering...or maybe she's trying to keep tabs on me...or maybe j/k
Off to the gym to burn off the stress and build up more silliness. Looking forward to jammin on the guitar tonight in my house!!!
HI Gabe, I have been lurfing areound thses bb's for a while and write occationally. While reading your post on moving into your marital home, I started crying. You had noticed that your wife had not fed the birds, her roses had died. You know, that is how my life ahs been the last 2 1/2 years since my H left. I feel like I want to do those things, but just can't find the energy. When I do, it feels like such a chore. I'm working on getting that part of my life back. Because that is what I was all about. I know it was your wife that left, and I'm sure it has been difficult for you to see that she let those things go.
First I go posting to Kevin's thread after he's left it, then I fail to notice for days that yours is locked. Where will it end, with a disseveled K wandering dead ends and back alleys in Vegas, chalk in hand, looking for a place to write?
It sounds like you're doing great with the PMA work. Dig into your "new" digs, play that guitar, and play on those swings!
Thanks,
K
My sitch More importantly, Light A Million Candles
XW just called me today for the second time, this time to tell me that S6 gets out of school early tomorrow. She sounded kind and friendly...maybe she's reconsidering...or maybe she's trying to keep tabs on me...or maybe j/k
I think this means that you'll be back together by the end of the week. Are you ready for that?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I know it must be hard right now. 
She is no longer in her "comfortable" place (your house) and she now may eventually have to sit down and take a good hard look at where she is and what she has done. 