Glob, It's certainly something to explore in counseling.
I am an extrovert and have always derived my energy from other people. H is an introvert and I can honestly say (nowadays) that we balance each other out. He has taught me how to enjoy being alone and doing quiet activities and I've taught him how to enjoy (tolerate?, lol) interests outside our home.
My point is, there's nothing wrong with being an extrovert but if you feel like you CAN'T be alone, that's another story. Have you always felt like this, or is it due to the loss of OW? Is the depression over that situation causing it to be worse? My advice is to do whatcha gotta do to get thru your current depression. Bearing in mind, of course, that your wife and children are not responsible for ridding you of this pain. But if you need to be around people right now, then do it. If you need counseling right now, call someone. Same with short-term meds. Or working out tirelessly. Or whatever!
I agree with you about pushing past it. It will be hard but it will be no more or less hard than your wife pushing past her own I am a Rock comfort zone, kwim? Hopefully you will both grow and learn how to be good spouses to each other.
"You're insane" I think I have proven that pretty clearly on this board.
"Words last so much longer and mean much more than a pretty face" Very true. One of the things the EA has taught me (sorry, trying not to dwell on it just look at the positives everyone) is really how shallow the things we think are important in a partner when we are young. At this stage in my life, I would trade good looks for an EC with hot-sex in a heart-beat. And along the same lines, hot-sex has nothing to do with good looks either. It does have a little to do with being in shape though. Of course, what do I know about hot sex
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"strong dose of anger and resentment. I do not see that in your posts"
You are absolutely right about that. Ever since the EA, it is like I have lost my ability to be angry. Weird, huh? I don't understand it. I used to be Mr. Road Rage (something W and I used to fight about). Now I can't sustain an angry thought for more than a few minutes. In fact, my response to your "BS and you know it" post was the longest sustained bit of anger I have had in a few months. Is this normal? Whenever I start to get angry, it very quickly morphs over into being sad. I had meant to mention that to you earlier and just forgot.
"Just my amateurish opinion, not to be taken as diagnosis." You can leave that sentence off your posts, to me anyway. Although who am I to pester someone about self-depricating qualifications to my thoughts.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"Have you always felt like this, or is it due to the loss of OW? Is the depression over that situation causing it to be worse?" I have always felt that way, and the depression is just making it worse. The night of the breakup I felt more alone than I had since the first night of college.
"But if you need to be around people right now, then do it. If you need counseling right now, call someone. Same with short-term meds. Or working out tirelessly. Or whatever!" I am trying to surround myself with friends. The W and I spent too much time with just her family and neglected the whole hanging out with other couples thing. I have been working out a lot more, and it does help. But I feel this obligation to be home more now. I have been vacillating between meds and no-meds for awhile. Psychiatrists appointment is in 3 weeks also.
"I agree with you about pushing past it. It will be hard but it will be no more or less hard than your wife pushing past her own I am a Rock comfort zone, kwim?" Good point.
"Hopefully you will both grow and learn how to be good spouses to each other." Thanks. You know I wonder if we ever were good spouses to each other prior to this.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Glob, I really wasn't much of a wife to my H in the early days of our M.
I can't speak for him but I don't think he thinks highly of himself, either.
It kinda took us hitting rock bottom...or, rather, getting to the point where there was nothing left for each other--only the fondness of shared memories and of course our children to get us to see that there HAD to be more than this. Fwiw, I had to drag him kicking and screaming through this process in the beginning. Just cause your W doesn't want to do this doesn't mean that she won't come to love the idea. There've been lots of ups and downs but we keep slogging through life because when it's all said and done, he's the one I've pledged my life to, and I want that life to be a good one.
At this stage in my life, I would trade good looks for an EC with hot-sex in a heart-beat. And along the same lines, hot-sex has nothing to do with good looks either. It does have a little to do with being in shape though. Of course, what do I know about hot sex So true, Globule. The mind is much more powerful than the body. Just look at how we relate to people on this board and none of us have met or know anything more than what we present on the board. Yet, I feel like I "know" you. Know what I mean? (lol). You are very REAL to me even if it is all in my head. As for you not knowing about "hot sex", that's not true. Once again, sex is all in the mind. Your attitude towards sex and the EC that should go with it speaks volumes about how you would "be" sexually. Don't discount that. You are SEXUAL even if you are not presently having sex. That's more than some people.
"I feel like I "know" you. Know what I mean?" Very much so I think one thing that sets boards like this one apart is that everyone seems very honest here. No one seems to be about hiding their own faults or trumping themselves up beyond what they deserve. You get on some other sex and relationship boards and there are a fair number of people there just to sit in judgment of others or talk about how big their penises are, etc. There is a reason why I am posting here and not on those boards.
"As for you not knowing about "hot sex", that's not true." I guess what I was getting at more was that I have never experienced it, so I can't really comment on how it feels. I am a little worried that my perceptions of what it should be like will be different than reality, but not too worried. Even the not-so-hot sex W and I had was still worth the effort and time, and there were a couple of times where I almost felt that deep quake hiding underneath the surface tremors. Geology humor.
But I can tell you one thing. I will feel it before I die if I have to drag W kicking and screaming to it (although she doesn't seem to be into the BDSM stuff). Same thing goes for the EC.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
"get us to see that there HAD to be more than this" That is I think the crux of our problem (W and I). She doesn't see the need for anything more than she has, while I cannot be content where we are.
"I want that life to be a good one." DITTO!!!!
I saw a Law and Order rerun last night that did make me aware of one of my fears. It was about a woman who had some bad psychosis so she was on huge amounts of meds all the time and couldn't really function. She had avoided love because of her mental problems but fell for it anyway with another mentally ill guy. She eventually got so depressed at her situation and the worry that she would just get worse and worse drove her to ask her boyfriend to kill her, which he reluctantly did.
I think that is part of my resistance to getting on meds because I don't want to be someone who is stuck on them the rest of my life constantly needing higher and higher doses. Fear of an unhappy future can drive you batty if you let it.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Quote: That is I think the crux of our problem (W and I). She doesn't see the need for anything more than she has, while I cannot be content where we are.
You took my words out of context, you stinker.
Read the next sentences and you will see that MrH did not share this vision either but it didn't matter in the end. He still came along for the ride. These days, he is inching closer to the pilot's seat, even. Who knew!
Sorry, one of the pitfalls of MB communication. I thought you were making the point that both partners need to see that there is something wrong before any real change can be made.
I'd be happy to let my wife sometimes take the pilot's seat in our (hopeful) trip to marriage recovery. I have a great respect for her intelligence and problem-solving ability.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Of course, what do I know about hot sex 
I think one thing that sets boards like this one apart is that everyone seems very honest here. No one seems to be about hiding their own faults or trumping themselves up beyond what they deserve. You get on some other sex and relationship boards and there are a fair number of people there just to sit in judgment of others or talk about how big their penises are, etc. There is a reason why I am posting here and not on those boards.