I am sorry that I haven't responded any earlier but I have been trying to keep myself busy. I deeply appreciate ALL of your insight and I take no offense to anything that you say....so please never think that. I am here to get advise from all of you. My weekend was pretty good...watched some football...USC, Chargers, and tonight with Greenbay! We went to the fair yesterday it was so much fun...Hannah was exhausted by the end of the night. I got her a Halloween Costume there...so cute...she is going to be a lady bug...so darn cute! I just love her so much. H did go with us and we did get along ok but I had everythin that all of you said in the back of my head. Also, the ride to the fair was hard on me although I did not show it. On the freeways that we have to take I go past the motel that he was at with her when I first found out, the we pass a resturant that brings bad memories and finally we pass the most recent hotel that he said he was sleeping in his car but just by a miracle OW had a room at the hotel across the street(he has never admitted to it...only she has) so as you might be able to see....the ride there and back is a little frusterating.
I agree with all of you about my R. Its just so hard to do things about it because I am afraid(not of H)but the entire alone thing(of course I will always have my Hannah). I think that it would be easier if we split because we went our own ways but I really hate knowing that I lost because of another woman...especially a woman that has rubbed everything into my face and H never believes it. She has helped cause all of our arguments because of this Affair. We never..ever..use to argue. Then I think that my brain is demented in a way that I focus ALL of my memories on the good things....when things are good I feel so complete and wonderful and then when we do have these bad times and when it is over I tend not to think about the bad and think about how complete and happy I feel when things so good...if you can understand that. I have to admit that lately I am having a lot of tense anger in my mind. Something reminds of the the A and then I get frusterated because I start remembering other bad situations regarding the A. It starts to make me want to scream and feel a sense of relief but then I start thinking of the positives and calm my anger and hate...and move on with my day. Kind of crazy huh! Well, honestly all of you really help bring me to thinking and I love to hear all of your responses and thoughts. This helps me get stronger although a lot of you probably don't see any of my strenghth. I wish all of you well and I hope that you all have a delightful day! BQT
BQT - Glad to see you are O.K. As for your feelings of OW I do know how you feel. I don't think I could truly cope if H had stayed with OW as I feel she was instrumental in our breakup....Truth is H had just as much say in this affair if not more and something led him to this affair but I cannot help it I still have OW issues and as long as he stays not with her, it makes it easier.
So what I am saying is OW will disappear one day it may not mean that H comes back but a R that starts of the way theirs has through an Affair is never going to be the basis of a strong R. She is obviously insecure to inform you of everything. I just wanted you to know that someone else does understand but one day you will want to move on for you and Hannah and I will be behind you when that day comes.....KDU
Glad to hear from you and that you are hanging in there! I know it is SO hard but you cannot dwell on OW. I know this is difficult - I dwelled on the OW forever! But now that I have let it go, I feel much more at peace. I am truly on my own little journey right now. My journey of healing and finding and loving myself. I think it will make me both a better person and a better mom.
I think you need to let go of the sitch that you have no control over and focus on YOU. It is SO hard to take that first step but when you begin the journey, it does get easier. Think about this and remember - every journey begins with one step...
WCB
God grant me the serenity,
to accept the things I cannot change,
To change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
Thank you for all of your responses. On this site I feel that I really have friends that understand. Are you all ready for an update...
H went to go watch the football game last night but I found out he was with ow for part of the night. I am so hurt again. Then he lies about it. I need to grow some balls. I really am mad and hurt.
(Venting) Found a picture of a woman's breasts I can see that she has blonde hair and tattoos like OW(Melinda) H says that it is not Melinda and that I am trying to find faults. Well, I checked into it because I am sick of being lied to and yes it is her. The picture is from the neck to almost her belly button...no face shown. It looks as if H took the picture from her riding on him sexually. She is nude!
First off, how did you "find" that picture? Was it really just lying around or were you snooping? If you were snooping, why? You already know he's still with her. I've worried about you in the past but now I worry about you and your baby.
Look, if he is going to continue to treat you like sh*t, he's got the potential to start treating her like sh*t too. Eventually he's going to treat the OW like sh*t but who cares about that, that's not your problem.
Michelle, you need to separate yourself and your daughter from him. Period. If he comes back with the "I want to make this work...I'm sorry...she's out of my life" crap, don't fall for it. Talk to your parents, talk to a counselor, get help somewhere, somehow. You are potentially in a cycle that is never ending.
Break the cycle. Break the cycle. Please someone, back me up on this.
VJ38 Thanks for the support. I really appreciat it!
DMF (my love) I turned on the monitor and he must have been looking at it or maybe he wanted me to see it. Maybe he is a "Drama King." I love all of your advise and I appreciate it. But although I know what is going on Yikes to see that made me upset. I know what sex looks like and I dont want to picture him with her....YUCK! Plus she had a "hickey" on the right side and I hate knowing that my so called "H" gave it to her.
You would be proud....I didnt even cry. I finally got that anger and hate thing going. Don't take me wrong I will cry again but right now I am so frusterated that it disgusts me. Why should I fight for a man that f*cks another woman. I dont deserve it and now....I am seeing all of the bad over the good. Tonight Hannah is staying with my mom and wish me luck I have a lot to do and say tonight. Any thoughts!
((((BQT))))) - You poor thing that must have been a real shock. I am sorry I know WAS' do some stupid and uncaring things to us but that takes the cake. Why would you leave something like that on the computer, I think he wanted you to see it but for why I don't know.
I don't know if he was trying to upset you, get a reaction or just be down right nasty to you but it was mean and selfish.
I agree with DMF it is time to move on BQT you can do sooooo much better he puts you down, speaks down to you and on occassion has knocked you down....time to get up and be you and sorry but fu#k him.
If you and him are ever going to be together then he has a lot of changing to do, so for now I think you both need to get on with life and find yourself individually, you will be amazed how much stronger you will be. I know it is hard to let go but if it's meant to be it still will be no matter what. So look after you and you may just find you don't want him.....>KDU
BQT~ Sweetie, that's a terrible thing for you to see.
It's time to get organized. Yes, this is a pro-marriage site, but not for marriages as emotionally abusive as yours. Get your Yellow Pages. There are not-for-profit resources that offer financial planning to help you get organized. Make a solid plan for you and Hannah, and start to truly build your life without him. Use the resources that are available to you and you will start seeing that you have options. You are not trapped and you can totally do this!
We all adore you here and want the best for you, ok?
