Quote: Your frequency is where you wanted it to be 3 months ago, but now you arent happy with something else.....LOL. Women. so predictable.
Wrong, again darlin.
The frequency has stayed the same. He is simply more horny for it. Before..there was this tone like he was doing it..sigh..for me. To keep Momma happy or some BS like that.
Now he wants it but I can't say the frequency is up. Now.......if I was warm and inviting and horny for him, instead of merely acquiescing to my wifely duty (LOL), he may want to do it more often.
Then again, it could be (as he has said) that my horniness takes away the chase and then all his newfound interest would go down the drain.
At any rate, I'm still kinda climbing the walls--his frequency is not enough for me--but it's no so little that I'm going nuts. But...it's sortof like masturbating, only with a partner. It's really sad. I know what sex should feel like and this aint it. However, like you said, in the interest of not getting rusty and dusty, I will do my duty and shake my booty.
Hey no one ever said I wasn't dedicated to the cause.
I'll drink to "the cause." I think the desire issue will iron itself out.
The Doula thing - very cool!
You are doing great. Keep it up! I am amazed by the progress you two have made. In reading your H's comment about sitting next to you I realize that I missed my H's cue last night. We were watching "Good Will Hunting" and he said, "How about I read Quantum Physics to you and you read Calculus to me for foreplay" in response to the scene where she gets turned on by his ability to do Organic Chemistry. All I said was, "Whatever works." I said it lightly but it probably still sounded snarky. Point being - notice his attempts HP. Something will resonate with you and you will feel hot!
Hey my little midget friend is checking in with me. Now I know I've hit the big time.
How are ya, lady?
Anything new going on?
xo
P.S. Karen, I'm guilty of the Accidental Snarks myself. Gotta keep reminding myself to do the Lill-oh or else my personal favorite, the Mona Lisa noncommital smile. xo
hp. I really admire your stick-to-it-tiveness and self-exploration through all of this.
Ditto on the doula idea-- very cool.
Is the pain still an issue for you?
Some people are just not book readers. My late H's C used to give him books to read and he just wouldn't. Not his cuppa tea. C also gives bf books to read-- bf only reads stuff online. Finally C wised up-- he xeroxes chapters from books and parcels them out to bf one at a time. You might try this-- xerox a salient chapter or two that he can read in manageable bites.
Both late H and bf were raised by schoolteacher moms and have strict (though mostly subconscious) rules about reading books, i.e., you have to start at the beginning, read straight through in order, and you can't be reading more than one book at a time. Sort of like the clean plate club; you have to eat your carrots before you can have pie. Me, I deal with books like the coyotes deal with the watermelons we grow-- I rip out the heart, suck it dry, leave the rind, and move on to the next watermelon. Alas, neither of them has/had that freedom.
Lil, The pain has been nil while I am about my daily life and then bam, it came back while I was doing my duty and shaking my booty the other night. I gasped in pain and H thought it was a pleasurable gasp and I just went with it.
I am having a helluva time dropping the rope about the book. DO NOT ask me why; I have no idea why I've latched on to this. I have just lowered myself to snooping. How low can I go? He ordered a book from Amazon and it arrived today. I had to go a snoopin to see if it was what he promised. It wasn't but it's a present for me, that I've now ruined.
I gotta get a grip. On some levels I feel that I have come a long way and on others I feel that this Giving Up My Relationship Police Badge campaign is going horribly. I need Officer Corri in my real life to take me out for a drink (bourbon and water, I'm thinking) and knock some sense into me. I have completely dropped the rope as it pertains to all other aspects but it's like all that energy has now been channeled into this one thing.
However my promise to you is this: I'm dropping it today. To-day. Today today today.
I'm willing to drive up there and go get that drink with ya if that'll help. You can hand that rope over to me and I'll bring it back to Tulsa with me That way you can't pick it back up!
I don't think you should drop the part about wanting to get the information in to his head-- I just think that some people look at a book and are daunted by all those teeny words crammed between those covers. They don't know you're allowed to skim, skip chapters, use the index to find the parts you're interested in, etc. I mean, some people never turn down corners, never write or highlight books, never lay them upon upside down (so it flattens the spine).
How would you feel about xeroxing a key chapter and asking him to read that?
Maybe part of your shutdown is linked to this pain... if every time you went into the kitchen to cook you could not avoid putting your hand on a hot burner, you might still feel hungry, but your desire to eat would surely diminish.
You luv sayin that to me. It has the desired effect, grrrrr j/k
I think it is the first time its true though.
Ok I misread you post. next question, could he improve the times you do ML so that your satisfaction is higher each encounter, and you wouldnt need to do it more times each week? You havent said what the frequency is, but for example could he F your brains out a couple times a week, and the other 2 or 1 or whatever are- looking for words here.. less intense?
If his frequency is pretty constant then he has sex to quench his hunger. He could learn to do more, but its not seemingly inexhaustable like a truly HDW. He could even learn to do it - for you- WAIT let me finish, in the sense that you are both enjoying it, and there is even an EC but he may not always have to O. For some guys this is just a crazy concept.
Ill let you answer before I go on, I still have this aversion to being detailed and graphic.... where does this fear stem from.... LOL.
Quote: could he improve the times you do ML so that your satisfaction is higher each encounter, and you wouldnt need to do it more times each week?
I find that quality does not lessen my desire for quantity, if that's what yer askin.
Now, I don't want to sound like some sort of nutball..I don't have to have any particular number..it's just that my preference is about 4 times a week, and I'm totally fine with much more than that, and his is about 2 times per week with maybe a freebie thrown in there somewhere. So we are pretty darn close.
The problem you ask? Well, sex is the first thing to go when our weeks are stressful. So while his own preference is twice a week, there are many weeks in which this slips because he's stressed about the kids (we have 3 small daughters), or his job (which he hates) or money or (fitb).
And, to be quite honest, I'm not all that turned on by a man who has to remember to schedule me in, lest I get antsy. I know that sounds unfair.
I realize that I have a lot of growing up to do and flat out acceptance of who he is and what he's about. He's a great guy and I will choose to be in love with him, lower sex drive and all. It's just that, in doing so, I will be giving up something that I dearly wanted to have in my life and I need time to grieve that.
That way you can't pick it back up!
It has the desired effect, grrrrr 
j/k 