Alright I think my H is making sure that we do not hit the 8 time a month mark on purpose.
The last two nights I have suggested sex and he has declined.( Sadly you all popped into my mind the first night and I had to giggle the second night I said ahh I get to play the HD now instead of the LD and busted out laughing). H had said something about meeting the quota over the weekend and I told him he was being greedy well mother nature played a cruel trick and came early. Guess that will teach him for trying to play hard to get!
But as bemused as I am with the sitch I really don't understand his thinking. He has been having a problem with the scheduled amount of sex lately after a year and a half. And he seems to purposely be making it hard to meet the set amount this month. I am befuzzeled by that since I do this for him and the lack of meeting this goal means nothing much to me. Any ideas as to why he could be cutting off his nose to spite his face? If it is to prove a point to me he is way off mark. But what other reason could it be?
Though the last few nights it has been really cold and he has snuggled up to keep me warm and that has been nice that there is no underlying reason for this I will admit.
Though the last few nights it has been really cold and he has snuggled up to keep me warm and that has been nice that there is no underlying reason for this I will admit.
Just enjoy it. Im glad you admitted it, did you admit it to your H?
Your post is vague, how has he been making it hard? and what problem has he had with the schedule?
the first night and I had to giggle the second night I said ahh I get to play the HD now instead of the LD and busted out laughing
Yeah, you would be HD especially right before your visitor.
I could see how he would have no idea what you were thinking, and while I LOL too, your laughter could very well have hurt his feelings.
I recognize why you have a need for so much control, but I see how you could be cutting off your nose to spite your face too. You have fears that are driving your actions also. You have a lot of skill and practice with controlling men. Its a skill that can actually hurt you if you think less of men for being the creatures that they are, when they succumb to your wiles. Because the natural order of things is for the man to be in charge of the R. Thats not the case here, at all is it? Even when it is or he puts effort into trying towards that you flip it in your head to a different perspective to maintian that perception of control, or test him. I doubt there are many guys that could past your tests long term Chrissy. Yet you seem to have found one that puts up with them to a certain extent. If you dont reward him for his efforts he will give up, and your fears will self fullfill.
I am befuzzeled by that since I do this for him and the lack of meeting this goal means nothing much to me.
Do you think this may not come across to him? I mentioned it the other day, about it being appetizing. Guys here have mentioned not wanting to ML to someone who is giving pity sex, or showing no desire in return.
People should get points for effort in trying to change even when the efforts and motives are obvious to us. Especially when we are the R <sarcasm> 'expert'
There is a reason you were able to get in my head, dont think it doesnt go both ways....
He seems to have a problem with me marking it down and keeping track of it now. He knows I do it because he use to always say we had not had sex in weeks when in fact we had it just days prior. Now I can say while thats not true look here. And also by marking it down I can make sure I do not slide into total LDness.
I could see how he would have no idea what you were thinking, and while I LOL too, your laughter could very well have hurt his feelings.
My H understand LD and HD he reads this website from time to time and I never hid who I am my BB name is my real name. And he also knows I find it funny when he turns me down for sex. So I doubt his feelings were hurt.
I recognize why you have a need for so much control
Enlighten me please on this.
You have fears that are driving your actions also.
There is truth to this now if you could help me identify what fears these are I would cyberly kiss your feet.
You have a lot of skill and practice with controlling men
No I have alot of skill and practice with not allowing men to control me. Which makes it a game to a man and the hunt is on. Somewhere in the game the tables seem to turn and I am the one holding the controll over them in the end. It really is a silly game.
Thats not the case here, at all is it
No sadly it is not.
Even when it is or he puts effort into trying towards that you flip it in your head to a different perspective to maintian that perception of control, or test him.
Now I do not purposely test him that is his game not mine. Dealing with me may soemtimes put him to the test though!
The rest I am going to have to maul over. The deeper meaning to that comment and get back to you.
Do you think this may not come across to him?
Well since I have told him that I want him to be more satisfied that I do this for him yeah I would say he is aware of it.
Guys here have mentioned not wanting to ML to someone who is giving pity sex, or showing no desire in return.
It is not pity sex I do not pity him enough to have sex with him. But agreed that even though I suggest sex frequently I am a arousal then desire person so that makes the situation a little more tricky.
People should get points for effort in trying to change even when the efforts and motives are obvious to us. Especially when we are the R <sarcasm> 'expert'
So are you saying my H is trying to change and I should give him points for this. What are you seeing that I do not? And I know I am not being referred to as a R expert. Look how few people remain posting on my threads . I cannot even maintain a cyber relationship!
There is a reason you were able to get in my head, dont think it doesnt go both ways....
Oddly since the day you started posting here I know you could. And that is a rare feat both ways.
Going to bed I have to work tomorrow Hope all has a good night!
Quote: I cannot even maintain a cyber relationship!
Thanks for posting on my thread. I have not been posting on many threads because of time constraints, there are more knowledgable posters, and I don't have much motivation to work on my R right now.
You and blackfoot's posts are both interesting to read.
I find since I have been working I spend less and less time here myself. And in alot of cases like Gel and HP's I can only offer support and not advice because I do not relate to things the same and tend to spend most of my time asking them to explain things to me. But I still read most of the post here.
Sorry about not posting much on your thread. As you can see I usually am pretty behind on my own. I've even got a big long post I want to start dealing with my last meeting with the self-esteem expert that I haven't had time to draft and post.
Anyway, I always read your thread and your comments, and really enjoy your perspective. Thanks for taking your precious time out of your busy day to check in on me from time to time. If I can ever get caught up on my thread, I'll post some stuff on yours.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
I recognize why you have a need for so much control, but I see how you could be cutting off your nose to spite your face too
This statement has stayed with me since I read it. Yes you are right I do pretty much wear the pants in my house. You caught onto that fairly quickly. And though I have always felt that I took off the dress and put on the pants because someone had to wear them not because I wanted to. And I often say I wish my H would take over wearing the pants. (I do some what relate this to being manly) And I get very frustrated because the only thing he seems to feel any need to control is me. I wonder if he was willing to be in charge if I would let him. Or if being in charge is really a part of my nature to the point it would become a competitive factor.
My mother has always said that I have a very dominating personality. Not that I try to dominate but my personality type is a take charge type. This is why I excel in the work place and so forth. Most people who are followers do not feel comfortable when put in charge. I have no issue with being put in charge and in a situation where there is no leadership I will tend to take it rather then sit around idle. So maybe as you keep trying to point out to me my personality out powers/over powers his. Thus keeping me in control.
You have a lot of skill and practice with controlling men
You know you are right on this also. What I stated before is true. But so is the fact that I steady men like in the work place if they happen to be my boss. Catagorize them and deal with them by my perception of there personality type. ( looking at the big picture I realized you were not just speaking in personal relationships). This is a form of manipulation and control. Why I do it? Maybe it is some form of self protection or just a case of me knowing what I want and how to get it. Either way there are pro's and con's to it.
Its a skill that can actually hurt you if you think less of men for being the creatures that they are, when they succumb to your wiles.
Oh I plead guilty on this. In one of my earlier thread there was a long discussion on how I did not feel it wronge to take advantage of sexuality and mens own knack for thinking with the wronge body part for self gain. Dealing with these type of men did by all means leave a bad taste in my mouth. Which showed very strongly in my words.
I doubt there are many guys that could past your tests long term Chrissy
Actually most of my relationships have lasted well over two years even when I was young. And I am usually the one who gets bored and leaves the relationship. Jobs the same 2-5 years is my max before I set out looking for a new adventure to try. And no I do not have ADD. But once something is no longer challenging I have a hard time wanting to continue bothering with it.
I am putting alot of focus on trying to find the positives with H right now and work off of them as IHJ suggested. The whole keeping me warm thing is in major play right now. H seems to enjoy the fact I use him to keep warm. So I keep thanking him and being silly about it. BF I guess you are right you men are such simple creatures!
