I'm glad you got some good rest last night I would definitely remain cautious though. Your screen name says it all...he's had you on a roller coaster. I'm very glad to see that you said you MUST continue counselng, this is VERY important. IMPO this needs to remain a a boundary that you maintain for awhile, he obviously needs to continue...and so do you.
There's been a BIG trust broken here and it's going to take time to regain it....he's done this to you twice now.
So while, I'm really glad he came to you, apologized and talked to you (that's a great thing)...I'm with you, remain cautious. Don't cave at this point, it's very important. Perhaps something pivotal really did happen in his life recently to make him see things clearer, but even if it did...there are still many things for you two to work through
I'm so glad you got some good rest, you needed it I'm sure.
I'm with you though, remain cautious about this sudden clarity your H is having. In some ways I agree with BF, this could be an attempt to regain control of the R. However, it could be that something pivotal actually did happen to make him see things clearer....even so, I'm really glad to see that you made continuing counseling a MUST, it needs to be a must.
As you've said he's now done this to you twice, if his sudden clarity is a ploy...that will come to light fairly quickly. If it's not, then there are still things that both of you need to work on in counseling....so regardless it was a wise move to insist upon it.
bf & GEL thank you both for your words. I definately know that proceeding with caution is the right choice for me. I have been through so much hurt from this whole sitch in the past 18 months than I can bear to go through again. He has already proven to me that he can and would walk away and I have only proven to him that I love him and welcome him back. I had a long conversation with myself and as much hurt as I have gone through I honestly do not want to go through the same thing again. I feel that continuing counseling will hopefully help resolve all the unresolved issues we still face. I also think that 6 months down the road and he decides to go down this same path about leaving, I am not sure I will be welcoming him back again. There is only so much a heart can take and twice is already 2 times too many. I realized my need to move cautiously about his revelation yesterday. He actually sent me a text message on my phone saying "I love you:-x" That was surprising from him but it felt good for me and gave me a glimmer of hope. Later last night we were talking and he said that part of him still wanted the freedom and he was afraid that he spoke too soon. He then back tracked and said he was sincerely going to try on our R and fight back those feelings. Then told me how much he loved me. In my mind... Big Giant Caution Sign... flashing and warning to proceed slowly. One day at a time. Continue with my ride and pray for the best. I just sometimes feel like this is all just a game. No winner, no loser. Just keep on playing. I know he is going through some internal things right now that do not really have anything to do with me. I can't fix it or change it. Those are things I guess that he has to deal with and all I can do is try to be supportive. His Bday is next week. For the guy in a MLC, he is not looking forward to it. I am confused about the fact that you both mentioned him needing to gain control of the relationship? Isnt he already? I am the one having to deal with what he decides will happen. Stay or leave. Counseling or no counseling. He decided to leave, and then return. I feel like the one jumping through hoops.
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
I can understand your feelings on this, I'm sure it's confusing for you.
About the leaving and coming back thing. Only you know what's right for you...but as you've said already, he's done this twice now to you. Perhaps if he does this a 3rd time...you need to make it a boundary with consequences. If there is a 3rd time, no more chances. You know the old 3-strikes and you're out rule. I know you love him....and only you know how much of this you should take, should he do it again....but remember, YOU enable him to behave certain ways, YOU also enable the behavior to continue. You are treated as you allow others to treat you....just try to keep that in mind when confusion clouds your mind.
Keep on with the counseling as you said. His comment last night that he backtracked on made me think that he was almost trying to pave the way to make it easier for him to go back to that behavior. BF may have another take on that, but that was my impression....so stand firm.
Your right about the fact that I have been enabling him to behave in this way. I don't know why I did not see that. When I read your post about this It struck a nerve because I know you are right about the fact that I am allowing him to treat me like this. I do think we are at least going in the right direction slowly, but there has to be alot of changes made on both of our parts if this is going to work. He has mentioned going to a doctor about his impotency issues. I know that this does bother him, but he is the only one who can do that. I remain supportive about this, but I can not say it does not affect me too. I am HD and at one time so was he.
Can't say this is not confusing. But I guess I will just do my best to do what is right for me. He was back to his normal self this morning. But which one will come home tonight? Him or the alien that looks like him?
Its not about getting what you want, its about wanting what you already have.
You are correct...he has to deal with his impotency issues, you can be supportive, but it is up to him.
Stay firm, stand your ground, do a 180 from your past behavior and you will fell your self-esteem greatly improve too. You'll become more confident the more you stand up for yourself and stop allowing him to behave this way with you.
I would definitely remain cautious though. Your screen name says it all...he's had you on a roller coaster. I'm very glad to see that you said you MUST continue counselng, this is VERY important. IMPO this needs to remain a a boundary that you maintain for awhile, he obviously needs to continue...and so do you.
