I am sorry, Gwynn, but I feel if your H was really sorry for the betrayal, then he would put up with the angry outbursts. Eventually, the anger does dissipate, but it is, I feel, perfectly normal. It would, of course, be better for you to not have them. I finally realised that the anger just doesn't get me anywhere, and that it was clouding my vision of what I wanted from life, with or without my H. It seems you need to get to that place, of self control, and seeing clearly what you want from life, and being happy with yourself.
Maybe you could set some goals for yourself. Simple ones, for instance, you could set a goal of sitting outside everyday and enjoying the outdoors for an hour and not think about your M, but about other aspects of your life(we are more then our marriages or our feelings for our husbands). Or, a goal of breathing deeply when you feel the anger coming on (that helped me). These are just examples which you can use if you like, but I am sure you can come up with some goals that suit your personality. If I remember correctly, I set about 10 goals for myself in the beginning, and I am still following many of them.
Try and take each moment as it comes, and live in that moment. Godd luck, and I will be thinking of you.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I seem to be on a more positive road. I'm doing my very, very best to control my anger. I couldn't sleep last night and this morning I woke up negative, negative, negative. So I ate some cereal, meditated a bit and prayed. I found some peace with this.
I talked to my H this morning and asked if he would like to come over for dinner tonight but he say "no, that's okay" and I answered him, Okay. Wow, that was something new for me. I went to dinner last night with a friend and my H called me 4 times while I was gone and he came by my apartment. All of which made me feel very good. Like I said, I want the M to work out but a part of me still has reservations on whether it is the best thing for me. I guess time will tell but me and my H are growing apart and becoming more frustrated with one another. I strongly believe that if we don't get this moving forward, we will loose this battle. Any help from anyone would greatly be appreciated. I really need help in sorting out all these emotions.
Update. I am controlling my anger to a point where my H asked me to come home. Things are going very well with us and it is all because I've decided to control my emotions. I have a long road ahead of me but positive things are happening and I've decided to keep the positive things going. I've been praying a lot and I'm not sure what path I'll be going down, but I do know that I am not in control of this any longer. I take one day at a time and I wait patiently to get an answer where I go with all of this. Right now, I feel as though my M is in the process of really moving forward -FINALLY! I'm at peace with this and my H is becoming very responsive to my more loving and kind spirit. Why not try to make it work? What do I have to loose?
We just in the talking stages right now. My personal goal is to be back in the house before the holidays. We are taking things a little slow and I think it is in my best interest to do just that. Not for any reason but to rebuild and if I go home too early, it could be a mistake. We getting along way to good right now to make a mistake. Does this make sense?
Things are still progressing with me and my H. The only thing that confuses me is that he seems to get a little annoyed with me when I ask him stuff like -"do you love me?" "are you looking forward to me coming home?" stuff like that. It seems on some posts here that maybe I shouln't talk about our R or our M, just put words into action. Is this what I should do? I am telling him constantly that I love him, etc. and he always asks me "why do you love me" "what good reason do you have to love me?" How am I suppose to answer these questions?
Quote: he always asks me "why do you love me" "what good reason do you have to love me?" How am I suppose to answer these questions?
Tell him you don't know why, but you're willing to give him the time he needs to show you the right answer.
Also, if he's asking questions like that in respone to your ILY's, I think it's too much pressure from you and he is waffling about how to handle it. Try actions instead of words for a while, see how he responds.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
My H asked me last night if he could stay with me tonight (Firday) and then asked if I would spend the night in our home on Saturday. I said "sure". I'm looking forward to the weekend with him. Things are really improving! I know I'm still in recovery because frankly, I still am having very intrusive sleep. My mind just won't stop but I'm dealing with this alone rather than taking it out on my H. However, every morning my H asks me how I slept and I tell him "not very well." He always wants to know why and I am very vague and say I don't know. That is somewhat a lie because I know very why. I'm still replaying the betrayal. Is there any suggestions on how to get a good night's sleep without this constant thinking about the A. I've tried sleeping pills (perscription) but I still seem to wake up during the night. I don't believe my H will ask me to come home until he's convinced that I'm sleeping at night because he's afraid that I'll have relapse of angry outbursts. I believe he wants me to prove to him that I can move forward. Any advise?
Just had to share. My H and I had the BEST weekend. We went out for an evening cruise on the boat Friday night, he spent the night with me on Friday, then we went fishing all day Saturday, I stayed with him that on Saturday, we went to church on Sunday and then went boating again. It was a very good weekend. We laughed and cuddled and it was just like old times. We really are starting to move forward. My H told me last night when we said goodbye that he wanted to be with me so much and he couldn't wait for us to totally back together.
Anyway, I'm feeling so much better about our R and M!!!! I wasn't sure for so long whether I should stay in the M or not, but you know, I'm glad I didn't give up. I am looking forward to more of the same!!! And more of the same, are the good times, not the bad! I know we can make it and we're going to give one heck of a try!!!!
I believe our M will be another "Divorce Busted!!"
