Hey Yoyo. I agree with the others about going dark. Stop thinking about OW. Once you do you will feel soooo much better...trust me on this. Act as if H and you are S and there is no OW in the pic.
From reading your last post, H's phone calls to you are positive ones. It looks like he wants to keep you updated on what is going on with his job and stuff. I would keep the calls friendly with him and try not to react to any of the negative (I know easier said than done).
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
YoYo again your sitch is staying true to your name. I think what BB said is the best advice for you at the moment. I can't for one moment imagine what it is like to be in your sitch it is so up and down. One positive is that no matter what you seem to say H cannot stop contacting you and that has got to be a good sign. Just keep doing what feels right at the time but dont jump back too quick....KDU
Dear all... Thanks for dropping by to check on me and giving me the advice of going DARK and also not to think of negatives.I was about to start with my "accusation" when I logged-in. Thank god I did, otherwise I would have gone off to call H and give him an earful of what I think he is doing with OW.. *Sigh* I am indeed yoyoing...I was in Country X from Wed to Friday....
Tuesday Night...H did call me on my cellphone when I was on my way back. Kept the call real short. He did send me an SMS to ask me to call him before I board my flight for Country X. The next morning (Wed), when I was on the train to the airport, H called me on my cell again. Brief hello, and how is everything type of convo. Called me again around dinner time. Was with some work ppl, so didn't really talk long. Told me that his flight back to Country X would be late late on Thursday night.
Thursday AM, H called me during breakfast. Again brief chit chat. What hotel I am at blah blah blah, and then told me that he couldn't get a flight back on Thursday night, and will only be back on Friday AM. Around mid-day, got a call from H telling me that he's getting the car back to the house, blah blah blah. A few texts were exchanged with regards to the remote and the car. Then later, I got a surprising text from H. It read "Not sure if u wanna hear this...but I missed you. May be confused, but I do love you lots....particularly after Sunday's passionate session". I didn't reply the text nor call. In the evening, H called my cell. Brief chit chat about where I was, about his friend attending an interview with his old company, blah blah blah.
Next morning, Friday... When H arrived in Country X, he sent me a text to ask me to call him. I did and all he said was "send me an SMS when you reach home". That was it!! When I arrived home, didn't text H, and got one at about 10.00 pm and asked if I was home and how were the boys. Sent him a long text about not calling me... I think this one was a backslid on my part. My text "Arrived. In car. Boys are fine. As you can't get her out of your life, you'll have to get out of mine. Don't call unless you want to talk to the boys. And you don't have to text to ask about the boys everyday. You'll get to know if there's anything. Thanks and bye!". I know that I shouldn't but I am quite sick and fed-up and trying to be his friend, pretending that nothing has happened. Well, he has heeded my request and hasn't called since.
Sat..did send him a text "Call now if you want to speak to both boys". Well, he did, and I let the boys answer the call. They spoke to him, and then ended the call. Didn't talk to him. Later I sent him a text to tell him about some of his letters. He replied and mentioned that he would call me. Well, he hasn't...
I am sooooooo confused. I don't know what is happening. Am I impatient? Am I going crazy? I have this funny feeling that she (OW) may have gone over to spend the weekend with him, that's why he sounded kinda weird on Friday, and hasn't called... It's my fault, isn't it?? Gosh...feel quite shitty...felt like calling him and bombarding him with questions...BUT NO, I won't. I am gonna control myself...
Am I impatient? Probably, but aren't we all. It all just seems to go so slowly.
Am I going crazy? .
No. Honey, you are already there Must be, to put up with all of this, keep going back for more. At times, I think we all think we must be mad for doing this.
It's my fault, isn't it??
A definite no! He decided to have the A. Your pulling back is not responsible for his actions. I think he is probably having a conflict with his feelings/emotions. I can see that he is trying to reconnect and then pulls away, which I think is pretty much text book (even more so if mlc).
Some wise person on this board (sorry I can't credit whose wisdom this is) likened it to making friends with a feral kitten. They will come close, and then run away again, and while you can hold your hand out, they have to make that decision.
Yoyo, you certainly are living up to your name. Okay...will try to stop the Yoyo from yoyo-ing anymore. It's difficult, I have to tell ya.
Am I impatient? Probably, but aren't we all. It all just seems to go so slowly. I was doing soooo well, and then I don't know why I am so impatient now. Perhaps it's fueled by him making assurances like "Don't worry. I'll make things right", "I missed you and love you", "Looking for a home near the International School" the list goes on and on, and then I see nothing, or worse, see signs of OW. *sigh*
I think he is probably having a conflict with his feelings/emotions. I can see that he is trying to reconnect and then pulls away, which I think is pretty much text book (even more so if mlc). The conflict with his feelings - YES. Even he himself admits that he is confused. The reconnecting and pulling away - Yes...that I see it soooooo often. Telling me loves me on Thursday, and then sounding sooo distant on Friday. You think my H is classic MLC??
Journalling... Have not heard from H since mid-day yesterday (via text). Really have the urge to text him "Are you still alive?". He he He.. figured that even if he's decided to leave the family and want nothing to do with us, I still need him to be alive to provide the dosh $$$$ Controlling my urge to text or call him... the TextBook NO NOs of DBING.
SIL #2 just called me. It's her marriage registration today. SHe's called to check that I'll be coming with the boys. My mom actually told my MIL that she wanted me to not go. Well, I don't see the harm of going. So, will be off to see my in-laws later today. I am sure that my in-laws will be very glad that I went. My H has opted to go back to Country X on Friday, and miss his sister's marriage ceremony. He could have (he really could IF he wanted to) made arrangements to go back to Country X after the ceremony. But NOOOOO... he leaves on a Friday to go back to Country X for the weekend. Really makes me wonder if OW is with him...gallavanting in Country X, looking at potential new homes.. Anyway, H's family is also really disappointed with H's attitude. He was back here for 6 night, and he didn't even call up his mom. Only called up SIL #2 to apologise that he couldn't attend the ceremony. Only saw his kids for like 5 hours, and spoke to S5 on one of the other days. Really wonder who is this person????
Oh...KDU may say that I am full of myself...but when I was in Country X (working hard, by the way), I thought to myself that life really wouldn't be that bad without H. My company put me up in this 5* Diamond Award Hotel... The place was really really luxurious. Soaked in the tub on the second night. It was Bliss... Hey, I could get used to this....he he he..
Anyway, other GAL for me..going away to Mauritius in 3 weeks' time with some girlfriends... woo hoo.. and going to Phuket with my two little monsters in 8 weeks time. Another ...wooo hooo.. (err but this trip with the boys, probably will pull my hair out due to the stress of screaming and handling my two monsters...) Of course, all this punctuated with my work...which is going along very very well. Busy but going towards the right direction. Just have to focus and not have H and OW pop into my mind.
Nope...can't stabilise this yoyo!!! I did the unthinkable!!! I texted H.
Me: R u still alive? Figured that even if u leave us, would still need to know that u r alive, or I should go collect the insurance $$. Unless you've left it other. Then we get 0. H: No, I haven't changed to the name to someone else, and don't intend to. Just spoke to SIL#2. Call you later. Me: She is with you, isn't she? H: I am at golf. She is moving into her new house. Me: Wow! You know her daily schedule. How Wonderful! Thanks for sharing that with me. Enjoy your golf game. Now I know u r alive, it's okay.
Okay... I know BIG BIG Backslid in DB terms. But I am glad I did it. I don't care if H is angry or what. Call me impatient , call me crazy....I am just sick and tired of all this round-and-round and all this yoyo-ing, all this sick promises. Okay there...I've vented out.
I read your post and was wondering about something. Please forgive me if I'm WAAAY off base here, but you seem to choose to feed the confrontational side of your R. Your posts are often full of the times H will say something unrelated or even nice to you, and you'll turn it around to OW. You tell him not to contact you, then when he doesn't, you send me a nasty text referencing OW. You often say that you 'couldn't help it', but we all know that we have control over our actions.
So why are you choosing this? You and your H seem to have a very passionate sex life, often especially passionate after an outburst. Do you maybe enjoy the conflict? Of course you don't enjoy the affair (obviously), but do you get a charge out of fighting with him? Your tone after these interactions is often giddy and triumphant. Are you on a roller coaster because you enjoy the ride? More exciting than the merry-go-round?
It's just an idea, and I coud be very wrong. I'm not trying to minimize how much you're suffering and how painful his affair is. I can see that clearly in your posts, and my heart goes out to you. But maybe are you adopting the more "exciting" communication style?
Yoyo, I can totally relate to how you are feeling.
I am just sick and tired of all this round-and-round and all this yoyo-ing, all this sick promises
But you know you need to stop calling/texting him when you feel like this. Maybe put a post it note on your phone. (Trust me, this works). Come on here and vent to us. Hey you could even phone/text us so the WA s wonder about all these mysterious phonecalls we are getting
I am not sure if your H is "classic mlc". I think I just assumed that from something you said.
Your holidays sound blissful. It will be lovely to escape from all of this for a while. I am sure you will be able to handle your "little monsters", just go have a massage and check them into the Kid's Club.
It's my fault, isn't it?? Gosh...feel quite shitty...felt like calling him and bombarding him with questions...BUT NO, I won't. I am gonna control myself...
Must be, to put up with all of this, keep going back for more. At times, I think we all think we must be mad for doing this.
figured that even if he's decided to leave the family and want nothing to do with us, I still need him to be alive to provide the dosh $$$$ 