(((hd))) When you post these updates, they always make me want to cry.
I came across this yesterday:
Quote: The researchers found five negative behaviors that can be toxic to a marriage: contempt, defensiveness, criticism, belligerence and stonewalling.
Here's one place where the [url=http://64.233.187.104/search?q=cache:rz6j7UKMDLUJ:archives.his.com/smartmarriages/1999-September/msg00026.html+"Diane+Sollee"+marriage+contempt&hl=en]source[/url] can be found.
Maybe you should look up the article, excerpt relevant parts, and take them in to the C to discuss in front of W. Your W seems determined to hold this marriage's head under water until it stops moving. And when that happens, somehow it will be your fault.
Quote: she would make some remark about why I have been doing a poor job taking care of x, y, or z. I immediately react to this by not wanting to touch her, not wanting to be close, etc.
Hd what 180 have you tried in this situation? she knows a leads to b. Change your reaction. Instead of reasoning with her, try very strongly forcefully saying something along the lines of that is not true, I won't listen to that, knock it off something like that. Then roll over and cuddle with her. Mrs. NOP has been saying some great things about respect and not taking crap. Kindness, understanding, rational reasoning hasnt been working, so try something counter intuitive.
I dont mean be a physco wife-beater, but time to demand some respect with your actions and maybe let some strength show by not allowing certain converstaions or by saying NO. If its not true say so. Immediately, strongly. Without explaining.
I don't condone beating women, but I do understand it. BA-DUM.
Thanks for that article, Lillie. We didn't get around to talking about the Fockers last night, but we did end up having an argument about something else. After reading the article you cited (which I read this morning), I see that our argument started because she came out of the gates full of anger and blame towards me. When that happens, I get very defensive, and it all escalates from there.
As the article says, we need to learn how to fight fairly. It continues to be a problem.
