Quote: Do you think that Mrs.HD could be convinced that sex is good for her as opposed to something to please lazy slobby men?
I don't know. I do know that I cannot convince her. If it came from a woman, it would have a better chance of success. If the woman was a radical feminist, even better chance.
I don't know, cn...sometimes I feel like we have come so far, and sometimes I feel like we are just treading water.
Are there radical feminists who also love to ML to men? You might just be in luck if such a group exits.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Hairy, Don't pay any attention to this bullsheeit.
She watches something that makes her feel insecure and then since she hates that feeling in herself (who doesn't?) she goes on the attack. The only way to make the feeling go away is to tear down anyone who may agree with whatever it is that's making her feel bad about herself.
This is about her, not you. It's not about you being a lazy slob (the NERVE of that woman!) or the Fockers being freaks (what hilarity to be talking of those folks as if they're real, lol); it's about the fact that she feels inadequate when she sees a sensuous woman who relishes ML to her man.
No matter how enlightened or feministic she is, at her core she is still a woman. She still wants to please you in this respect and she is well aware that she is an utter failure. So she goes on the attack.
Try not to personalize it and get good at saying, I'm sorry you didn't like the movie...or some other noncomittal and non-taking-the-bait-al reply.
Quote: So here’s why I’m angry, in diminishing order of anger: I’m angry because she thinks I aspire to be (and apparently already am) a lazy slob. I’m disturbed that she thinks she “knows” why I liked this movie. And I’m mildly annoyed, but not surprised, that she spoke of the Focker’s sexual relationship with disdain.
I'd venture to say you aren't really feeling angry, per se, but unexpectedly hit from out of left field, devalued, diminished, put-down, minimized and DISrespected... all of which lead to anger. I'd say you are normal.
As Keb Mo sings...
That's not love love don't feel that bad.
No, that's not love, it don't feel that sad.
No, that's not love, cause you don't feel good inside.
Listen carefully to HP. Passionately stated but dead on. I LOVED the movie. I loved the Fockers. Actually, I had hoped that my H (who also liked the movie) would catch that part about how Barbara's character helped the other couples marriage. He found it cute. He found it funny. He saw absolutely no message in it for him or anyone else.
Mrs. HD is reaching. The part that is unfair is that in her reaching to justify her position she has to take away some lighthearted fun for you. This is the part that is harder on you HDH's I think. Many of the LDW's on this board seem more humorless than the LDH's. That is tough. No sex and no fun either.
You are entitled to like the movie. You are even entitled to wish to live like the Fockers. You don't have think exactly like Mrs. HD to be married to her, to respect her, to love her. You are ok just as you are :]
Quote: But the more I think about it, the more upset I am getting. I’m trying to figure out the nuances of why I’m angry.
Because it was rude, smug, condescending and offensive.
Frankly, that's as far as I would go about pondering why it would make me angry. To do more, IMO, is a form of giving creedance to what she said.
It's that r e s p e c t thing again.
It was an insulting dig discounting the legitimacy of your needs and negating your positive contributions to your relationship.
A simple, calmly stated, "I found what you said to be rude and offensive" during the MC appointment tomorrow might get you further than trying to explain your desires for sex and whether or not you are a slob.
You have no *mechanism* for discussion or negotiation within your marriage when one spouse finds it acceptible to make disparaging, disrespectful comments. Trying to solve marital problems with broken respectful boundaries is like trying to plan a drive when your car is broken. There is no *vehicle* to get from here to there.
She really had her "shields up" this weekend. (Nod to Scott1701). During what might be called our "cuddle time" (e.g. before the kids get up, when we are still in bed), she would make some remark about why I have been doing a poor job taking care of x, y, or z. I immediately react to this by not wanting to touch her, not wanting to be close, etc.
She creates conflict to keep me away from her. I suppose this is a big issue we need to deal with at the MC.
Quote: She watches something that makes her feel insecure and then since she hates that feeling in herself (who doesn't?) she goes on the attack. The only way to make the feeling go away is to tear down anyone who may agree with whatever it is that's making her feel bad about herself.
HP, how did you get so smart? For years and years I’ve wondered why W always seems compelled to make some disparaging remark about people in movies having sex, even off-screen. Or why she always finds it necessary to make some snide remark about the physique of any woman who bares her breasts in a movie. Or why she gets so incensed at topless women on European beaches – where it’s perfectly normal and accepted. You’ve not only hit the nail on the head, you’ve driven it all the way in with one blow. You’re good.
Of course, I would have never acted like this over sex, but have done this over various other topics, from time to time. I've largely stopped this behavior, thank goodness.
HP you don't give yourself enough credit. Many women are "chicks" but don't understand themselves or other enough to understand what is going on. Most people don't think about this stuff they just act or react. Take the complement and be proud that you are smart and can read people.
