I have begun to think deeper about this issue and do want to make it known to my H, that if a similar situation should happen in our lives that I would bless him persuing companionship. I think I will make it a topic of conversation the next time we have some alone time.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
If it's mentioned to me, I express sediments along the lines of, "I know that when his W was well, had she known that this would happen, she would have given her blessing to this R".
Good on you!
I would also (depending on the convo) say how much I admired him for continuing to visit his wife who doesn't even know that he's there.
How hard it must be to have been with someone for 30 years and have their body live on when their mind has been lost in the mists of disease.
How he could have easily taken an easier way by divorcing her and never visiting her again.
And I would be hard-pressed not to ask the whisperers if they had spent as much time praying for the man and his wife as they had spent gossiping about them.
Quote: And I would be hard-pressed not to ask the whisperers if they had spent as much time praying for the man and his wife as they had spent gossiping about them.
I actually feel bad for these people who have nothing better to do than disparage a man for persuing happiness in the face of his tragic loss. These are people who, unfortunately, equate goodness with suffering.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
I don't necessarily equate goodness with suffering (you know me too well for that, lol) but I keep going back to the sickness and health part of the vows. Didn't he make a commitment to forsake all others, til death do them part?
I understand that life has dealt him some crappy cards and in no way do I think that the gossip mongers are right, but I keep coming back to the vows he (presumably) made to her and to God.
Then again, I can't really begrudge him not wanting to live celibately and alone for the rest of her days.
Quote: I understand that life has dealt him some crappy cards and in no way do I think that the gossip mongers are right, but I keep coming back to the vows he (presumably) made to her and to God.
I do understand this is an absolute. I don't know, it's hard to think about what form sickness will take when we make the sickness and health vow, especially if the people making the vow are two healthy young people.
Do you think that this fella is able to be a loving H as well as lover to his lady friend? I believe the extent to which he is required to love his W is to make sure that she is comfortable and well taken care of. He most certainly holds up his end of the bargain. In his case, his W, through no fault of her own, can no longer provide him with even the basic sembalence of a M.
If this were an issue in my own M, that I would not want my H to have to face the challenges of taking care of my body when my mind has ceased functioning without the support of a good woman.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
People do things for many reasons, maybe he doesn't want to D her because of insurance or he feels that it he is abandoning her. I know an older lady who she and her husband went through the Divorce process but stopped at legal seperation to keep her on his Insurance. This keeps him from another M if he desires it, but he feels he owes his "wife" of many years that even if they can not live together. I know of another couple who married in their 70's after meeting at a school reunion. They were both widowed and were old school chums. Thit hit it off and married about year later. His children told him it was a betrail of their mother his deceased wife. The lady he married is very nice and has tried so hard to be accepted but the children have told him that they will not be welcome in their homes as long as they are married. This has caused him great hurt. I told them from my POV that his children have no right to say such things and that they are very selfish and have no concern for their fathers happness. So folks need to mind their own DARN business and tend to their own lives, as most folks have things that need improvment in thier R's with family and friends. He (or she) with out sin cast the first stone!
line of the vows is driving me nuts as it is. His wife is no longer. Likely for health insurance,in rememberence of whom she was and religious reasons are the reasons they are still married. Is she even capable of being recognised for divorce now? Would a guardian have to represent her?
I'm sure he loves his wife to this day; too bad he can no longer find her.
Pity me that the heart is slow to learn
What the swift mind beholds at every turn.
Edna St. Vincent Millay
