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I'm glad the trip has gone well. Today I have been contemplating a road trip myself, weather is perfect. It's probably good I'm not salary or else wheels would be turning right now. I'll probably take a few of the kids along so I don't do something stupid or irresponsible. Next week I look forward to catching up with you, feel free to give us all the details.

Although I have been many places I look forward to going to Florida some day. Since I have no relatives there, it might be awhile. For now I would settle for 2 wheels south bound out of Seattle on Hwy 101. Anyhow, we'll get some wheel time in this weekend.

Talk to you next week.

Florida was lovely, but very humid. I think I will go earlier in the year next time. I enjoyed St. Louis too - they have an awesome zoo, and I love the botanical gardens.

I have been really busy with getting assignments done and sent - being away didn't help the deadline situation, but I think I have it all under control. I just got back and I had to fly out again with hubby for a end-of-project party. They had the dinner on a cruise boat, and it was really good fun. We stayed over in a very fancy hotel, and then we met friends who flew in from our old city, and we joined them on the ferry over to our home. They stayed for the weekend. So, at last, I have a little time to just relax, get on with my studies, and get onto the bb.

I am a little worried about my H - he has told me that he is feeling very depressed since the twins left home. We have one D13 still at home, but he feels that his time as a dad is almost over, and that he will miss that time of his life. He really seems down, and I just don't know what to do. I am usually pretty optimistic, and I am just looking forward to a new chapter in our lives, but he is starting to depress me now. I am also nervous that he will want to look for some excitement, and go off and have another affair. I am not too worried about that, since I know I will be okay no matter what, but I am concerned about how he is feeling. All, very confusing! I guess I will just play the wait-and-see game, and just listen to him and try and validate his feelings as best I can, without getting too impatient.

Nice to be home, though!

This might be true, but it could pull him back too. If missing family bothers him, he won't want to lose you or D13, therefore unlikely to run off. In my sitch, it's the W love of kids that keeps her here. She doesn't want to give them up and I won't leave. Time and calmer heads are prevailing. I have yet to see St. Louis, would be nice.

Been staying fairly busy. Taking part in a major project for the next few months, could continue after that, both of us are involved. Kind of fun, but not working directly with each other. There are some good influences there also.

We'll have to fill you in a little more later. Have you keep up to speed with C mags? The last ones out were good. There are a few other old articles that caught my eye. Working to do what I know is right.

Summer is in full swing, and in between studying, visiting my D26, driving my D13 to various activities and friend's homes, and so on, and so on. I have come to realise that we seldom take the time to just chill out, spend a little time in the sun, read a book, watch a movie, just relax. Anyway, along that theme, I read in an e-newsletter (from www.incitecoaching.com), the following:

"How-to Incite Action: A little T.L.C.
We all need a little T.L.C. from time to time! Dive into the second half of '06 with this formula:

* T = Think: Pull a chair into the sunshine and think about the people and gifts you are grateful for. Are you spending time nurturing those relationships and talents? Are you living your values?
* L = Live: What have you been putting off? The year is ticking by. What can you do TODAY to make those important things happen in the weeks to come?
* C = Clear: Last week I stripped all the tiny notes off my bulletin board and replaced them with 7 important goals (mid-year resolutions) and a few of my sons finger paintings! What can you clear away in your home, office or mind to make space for what's really important?

We can't always afford the luxury of reflection. But when we create that small bubble of time (or when it is suddenly created for us) the opportunity to refocus and reinvent is astounding. Now head outside and let that sunshine fuel your mid-year resolutions!"

I hope this encourages us to see that our marriages is just a part of our lives, not the absolute focus, and as much as we should put our efforts into creating a wonderfully new R with our spouses, don't forget to take care of yourself, don't stress about it, because most of us have come to realise that, no matter what, we will be okay. Just take a little time to just BE in the moment.

Well, that's my little July theme.

Although, I find myself in the depths of finishing off an assignment and reviewing work for exams next week, I am still able to take the odd break and reflect on life and all the idiosyncracies that go with living. There are so many variables that make up a content and satisfied life - health, job satisfaction, financial concerns, spirituality, family and friend relationships, and the list just goes on and on. Top of the list, for me, is self-knowledge and awareness. Without knowing oneself, you are unable to be empathetic, make the right decisions, bounce back from disappointment, and so on. How can someone who doesn't know who they are, deep down, be a good spouse, a good friend, or a good parent? Of course, one cannot have this knowledge all at once - we grow in more ways than size. I think it is the seeking that makes us truly human, and aware of what potential we can reach.

Eh, enough with the philosophizing .... had an interesting convo with my H the other day, and he says his depression is very much linked with job satisfaction (told him he was just in a rut), lessening of his paternal role, and some frustration with trying to start his own business, worried about finances, etc. All the stuff that makes life not as much fun as it could be, 'eh! I told him, that I have always known him to be someone with a generally positive outlook on life, and see this period of time, as his being in a rut, and needing to find a way to motivate himself. Other than that, I couldn't really give him any advice, except to share some of the things that I have discovered about myself. I bought him a book, "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren, and he is reading it (I am surprised). I hope it helps him resolve these issues.

Back to the books! Ugh! Hope you are all enjoying the summer, wherever you may be living. Hey Phoenix, what's happening?

Anyway, below is a quote from Daily OM:

June 26, 2006

You Are Who You Are, Not What You Do
Becoming Your Wrong Decisions

Our perception of the traits and characteristics that make us who we are is often tightly intertwined with how we live our life. We define ourselves in terms of the roles we adopt, our actions and inactions, our triumphs, and what we think are failures. As a result it is easy to identify so strongly with a decision that has resulted in unexpected negative consequences that we actually become that "wrong" decision. The disappointment and shame we feel when we make what we perceive as a mistake grows until it becomes a dominant part of our identities. We rationalize our "poor" decisions by labeling ourselves incompetent decision-makers. However, your true identity cannot be defined by your choices. Your essence-what makes you a unique entity-exists independently of your decision-making.

You've been doing some serious reading, but, as long as it's helping good for you. I do keep track of a few threads but I'm not as much on here as I use to. My work environment has changed, less time to do things on the net. I do follow as it posts to my e-mails, but my time to response is really hampered.

I'm looking for some kind of breaking point, unfortunately I think I have done all I can, now it's time for W to make some decisions. Things seem to be moving in a positive direction, but I'm not completely sold either. I hope you are able to rebuild your R. Sorry I haven't called, been trying to get my thoughts together, so at least I can get some input from you and not just air out my negative feelings.

Check out my thread about the Hafen book. I would sure like to at least look over the first chapter, it might be real deep reading. Unfortunately my only time to read is late night, not really a good time for deep reading. I wish there was like a DB rehab center, I could sure use a good weekend away with some of my DB friends here. My ears to the ground, let's see what pops up.

After all my H and I have been through, I still feel mistrustful, and (yes, I admit it) resentful sometimes. He is going through a bit of a depression right now, and will not go to a C for help. Says just talking to me about his issues helps, but that puts a lot of pressure on me, to constantly be the one who is upbeat and with a PMA. Normally, it's not a problem, but I have been under a bit of stress myself, with exams, etc. He says he just wants some compassion - WTF!!!!!! I have only been compassionate, and caring, yadda yadda, since his selfish actions, and extreme lack of compassion for me and the kids!!!!!! I hope this is the last vestiges of his MLC, because if this carries on too much longer, I am going to have to rethink my commitment to the M. He is not interested in ML either, and hasn't been in the last year. I guess because of the depression, but then he should get help, surely!!!!!

Eh! I just don't have patience anymore. There have been several times through our 20 year M, where I have had to be the one making changes, being compassionate (in the face of his selfish choices - porn, and now EA) and understaning. ENOUGH! When is it my turn to have my needs addressed, time for some caring and compassion from him? When I was depressed and not interested in ML, he was dragging me off to the doctors for hormone tests, I went to a C, even to an alternative medical practitioner, to find a way to get over it.

Ugh! Enough venting .... just got in from writing my final exams, and I just needed to get all that off my chest. I just really don't know what to do, so will remain detached, and take it one day at a time. He is, at least, still affectionate, contacts me throughout the day, tells me he loves me all the time, and does talk to me about his concerns. So, I will focus on the positives, for now.

Sounds extremely familiar. Maybe this is straight from the MLC handbook. I'll have to re-read that section, brush-up.

OK, come out, come out where ever you are.

I remember that phase w/my H, him needing constant reasurance and me giving it, trying to be always lift him up, always trying to be helpful even if I felt like dying inside, it is a draining experience. If you can, I encourage you to keep seeing a C for your own sanity, my C would tell me that all the pressure wasn't good for me(at the time) and that I needed an outlet because I was loosing it.

I also had to deal with double standards, not fair I know. But at least he is affectionate with you, that's something!