Yes, specifically discussed and no one was under any pressure. I know that just being married does not entirely mean that I deserve intimacy. However, I have been a stand up guy, she gets what she wants most of the time, I adjusted behaviors she did not like. I consult her first on all decisions.
Let's play devils advocate here for a minute. Since our intimacy was great for 1.5 years before marriage...let's just say things turn around soon and we are back on track. How soon would I wait to consider having a child. I mean, we went 1.5 years pre-marriage and all was great. So now, let;s say everthing is good for another 1.5 years and we do have a child. How do I not now that the lack of intimacy will then start all over again.
Quote: How do I not now that the lack of intimacy will then start all over again.
Quite simply – you don’t. And you never will. One would hope that if things do get back on track, that would indicate that there was some awareness on both sides that something was amiss. One would also hope that once the R had derailed and then been restored, that both of you would want to avoid the problem(s) that caused the rift in the first place. But as you know, there are no guarantees. You pay your money and you take your chances.
Hi Truman, I'm sorry that you're going through this.
One thing I felt I needed to say was in regard to this:
" This medicine does help manage her anxiety, but I am now very concerned about it chemical effect on her as if she stops taking it for a couple of days, she curls up in a ball on the bed. "
From what I've heard you should never go cold turkey with anti-depressants as it can actually make the depression worse. Perhaps you should both go to her doctor and see if there is a different medication which will have less of an affect on her libido.
Best of luck.
I basically keep my mouth shut, except the occasional flair up as my feeling of aloneness builds up. I have a great relationship with my stepkids, we do alot of family actvities which is important to her. I also do homework, games, sports, drive kids to school, etc with just the kids and me. We have a good financial situation and own a nice home as well as other investments. (The only reason I mention the financial is that she can feel secure that we could handle it to battle it out with the ex in court, if needed) She does not work and took the kids on a 6 week vacation the summer. To me, that is not such a bad life. But, again, it's never a good time to talk about it. To her credit, she has sought out a few different solutions, but never institutes any of them because of this or that side effect...which I understand too. She says she loves me all the time, but has no drive. I wonder if she is not attracted to me anymore and also if it's just an odd coincidence this all started right after we were married.
So the other days she brings up having a baby. In my mind, I was like "what?". I did tell her that I continue to be unhappy w/ lack of intimacy and that I do not think it is wise to have a child until we work that out. She said that depressed her and I think she feels that I am somehow pressuring her with this. I realize it could appear that way, but I for one am not willing to bring a child into a relationshp that may not work out.
Her outlook on the whole thing is that she is happy with infrequent sex, I am not. So I am the one that should seek counseling. And that any counselor would tell me that I cannot depend on her to make me happy. I do not have social skills problems and depend on others to make my daily life happy. However; there are certain minimum expectations in a marriage. Prior to getting married, we had specifically spoken about intimacy expectations and went so far as to set a specific frequency to keep that "connection" we both loved going. After getting married that amount never was met, not even if streched over a months and months. I know I should not complain too much because some here have it worse. But I am complaining. This does make me feel rejected, unwanted, and uncertain where I really stand with her. I hate to admit it, but I am not sure she would tell me the truth about how she really feels.
ed went from great and versatile (sex prior) to rare emotionless, robotic sense afterwards.
No plans for kids. I was playing devil's advocate. If she was with me for some "less sincere" reason (which I do doubt because I am not wealthy) from the very beginning- but did 1.5 years of intimacy to get something she wanted, then it could happen again if the child was a goal.
And yes, we figured out "cold turkey" on the depressants was not good. It scares me that stuff is so powerful. They must be some long term negative effects to that stuff.
