Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Why are we LD/ND???

Jen.

Just gonna throw a few suggestions out there for you in case you are looking for ideas for your get away.

You could spice things up and surprise your mate with some Karma Sutra oils for some relaxing rub downs. Or stop by and pick up a nice little Teddie at your local lingerie shop and something like a little lovers weekender kit. (generally they have a candle and some oils or body paints and a feather and silky scarf ) Or there are great love buckets you can pick up basically the same but just more goodies. There are also so fun games you can buy that are a little naughty.

And one more thing alot of lingerie shops carry little coupon books good for one night of anything he wants or one night of anything you want. Or just a long kiss or hug they are cute. You might want to get one and leave him a coupon every now and again. I have alot of people that have told me they work great for just letting there spouse feel special when they get to work and find one in there lunch bucket or breif case. Spencers gifts carry these things also so if you do not have a lingerie shop near buy you might be able to pick something up there.

Just thought I would put some ideas out there

Chrissy who seems to know to much about being naughty!

Chrissy,

Thanks! Actually, I was planning to purchase a few 'goodies' for our stay! I was thinking about lingerie, I never wear anything like that anymore and I think it would knock his socks off! I was also thinking about some massage oils, as well as something 'edible'! Not sure what yet, but we've never tried anything like that so I thought I'd look at it. Perhaps strawberries and whipped cream for 'desert'? Anyone have any good ideas for edibles?

I love the booklet thing. I can see using that on a regular basis just to let him know I'm thinking about him. Bet he'd love that!

Thanks for the great ideas! I know he's going to love it!

Jen

Jen,

I could give you lots of ideas!
But if you would like to browse for yourself you can go to
website.
Go to the Novelties and games tab and click on it will give you some great ideas.
I hope you have a great night!

and yes guys this is my website that I have been unwilling to share. Today I went in and put a new link into it with discounted prices just for ya'll

chocolateeyes:

1) "Bait and Switch". Weather intentional or not is basically irrelevant, the effects are what matters.

2) The "To-Do" list. I have a wife with one of those. What I don't understand is I know hers, I read the ones on here, and I hate to say it but most of the things these ladies have on their list of important things are not fun, even for them. Most of them are chores, and yet they prefer those to physical touch, affection, and sex. This just seems so BIZARRE to me. Why do they focus on the unpleasant side of life? The only thing I can think of is that these women are driven to please others(except of course they are NOT driven to please their man). I see this in my wife, she tries to be wonderful to everyone else, but I am taken for granted. I too, receive less affection then the children, and even the freakin' dog.

Jen:

Choc wrote:

Quote:

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I'm sorry if I projected my anger and frustration toward you and Jen; I do understand your larger point.

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I too would like to express my apology for projecting anger and frustration that had nothing to do with you and your post and everything to do with how I was feeling at the moment. Now about understanding your POV, I know it is important for me to do so, it's just hard to deal with all of the up-and-down feelings right now. Things will get better again, then maybe worse again, then maybe better again.

I think you understand this since you have the courage to stay in touch with this BB.

Once again, sorry. Your brave explanation of how YOU feel was not deserving of my angry rant about how I felt at the moment.

WM

CeMar replied:

Quote:

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I see this in my wife, she tries to be wonderful to everyone else, but I am taken for granted. I too, receive less affection then the children, and even the freakin' dog.

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CeMar:

Taking your words of truth spoken here back to your thread. Let's discuss there.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=948202&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=31&fpart=1

CeMar,
Forgive me for being blunt, but I just want to make you aware of how I (perhaps others, but I won't speak for them) perceive you. You really seem like a selfish jerk. Now, before you get your panties in a bunch over that last statement, maybe you should really consider why an anonymous person would say that to you. Perhaps I am wrong, but perhaps I am not. If I perceive you that way, then how could you possibly know that your wife would agree or not?

Before my H and I were married, we ML quite often. We saw each other only on weekends, but when we did, we ML several times a day. Once we were married it was fairly regular (a couple times a week), except when he went out to sea (he is USN). Over time, I started losing attraction to him, and looking back now, I think it was largely in part to his not meeting my needs. Therefore, I felt he was being selfish to want sex ALL the time, when I felt rejected emotionally. And he would whine and beg for it, which only disgusted me. Then he would stop asking for a week or so and start being extra nice to me. Regardless of his motives, I only saw that he was doing this for purely selfish reasons... a quid pro quo arrangement if you will. And then he would start in again with the asking for it all the time, getting madder and madder when I would refuse his advances, often saying, "but I do lots of things for you, why can't you do this for me!"

You have said before that you have tried backing off from your wife and it didn't work. Did you ever think from her side that maybe she thought you were only doing this for selfish reasons?

Have you read Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages? If not, I suggest you do, and perhaps ask your wife to read it with you, or at ask her to at least take the wife's quiz at the end so that you can start meeting HER needs, before you think about asking her to try and meet yours.

She may be LD, but if she really felt loved by you, and wanted to show you her love in return, I am positive that she would want to try and meet your needs.

I apologize if I seem like I am being harsh on you, but I honestly believe that you cannot be meeting her needs if she is as cold and heartless towards you as you make her sound.

JM

WM,

No problem!

I know from reading here for the past year that frustration over a situation that never seems to change is a terrible way to spend your days. Tends to raise the blood pressure of a normally congenial bloke!

I'm not going anywhere right now, because I still know that I need reminders so that my SL stays up front in my life. This bb does this for me by showing me the other side of the picture, the side I don't get... yet!

Jen

CeMar,
You are giving your W the perfect reason for not fulfilling you sexually. ML is about opening up and sharing the deepest part of your being and recieving the same from your lover. Who on earth would want to open themselves up to the rhetoric that you spout here on a daily basis? A serious attitude adjustment is what you need to get laid.

cinemanymph (and others),

While I disagree with quite a lot of CeMar's POVs, I felt like I needed to "stick up" for him a little bit here. The feelings he expresses are extreme, but I think most of us HDs who have experienced long-term rejection understand the core of what he's saying. Does that mean that those beliefs & opinions are helpful in resolving the R problems? Definitely not! But being able to use the BB to say things that you may be feeling out of anger and frustration is beneficial, IMO. Additionally, the anonymity and lack of direct repercussions for expressing those thoughts & feelings makes it easy to "go overboard."

Having said that...

CeMar - if this is truly how you feel all of the time (and believe me, I've had those "she cares about strangers at the nail salon more than me!" moments myself), not just occassionally, then you & your S have some very significant problems that require professional help to solve. Bitterness & anger may seem like reasonable, justifiable emotions to you as a response to your SSM. Unfortunately, they won't help fix the problems - they will only drive a bigger wedge through your R. Don't be afraid to express your feelings here - that's what this BB is all about, but do recognize that if it's not just venting occassional steam, then you need to get help to save your M, or start developing an exit strategy.

Gremlin