I myself was referring to why I do not always think about sex. Things that helped to demenish my desire. And Jen also states the same thing she is not always thinking of sex. And no matter how HD we try to be we are still LD at our core of our being. I have seen HDs state on this BB they think of sex daily and usually more then once. I myself may only think of sex or want sex once a week if my H does not remind me of it. That is why I am carrying this LD lable. That is what makes me LD. I may choose to have sex with my H everyday of the year for the rest of my life and I will still be LD for that very fact.
But think of the other stuff that gets edged out, too-- stuff that you've let go of and probably haven't noticed because it doesn't affect your partner, so there's no one to remind you.
I believe this comment is so true. I think that this very thing is what is the bottomline cause for what we call a MLC for many people. All these things we loved and enjoyed while we were younger then responsibility comes along and pushes this aside. One day we wake up longing for the ability to do what once was so important to us. The longing builds until it takes control of our entire life. Ah well just my thoughts lol
But I think the connection with your partner sexually has to be maintained in some way or you won't be able to get back there.
I agree here. I do not think either Jen or myself stated that fufilling our spouse was not important to us. Again I think we were only trying to say no matter how much we have sex for our S and our M it does not change us at the core of our being who we are and the fact we do not desire sex as often as our S does.
Sometimes as LD's we are put in the position that we feel we have to explain over and over again why we are LD. We are made to feel at fault or to blame for our marital problems because we are LD. We are made to feel that we are faulty merchandise. It is almost like we spend so much time trying to figure out why we lack desire and explaining it that we become exhausted from all the self analizing we tend to do.
Let me ask this what makes you HD? Why are you HD? Less the testostrone level aspect why are you HD? What makes you want to have sex all the time and think about it all the time?
See HD's are not made to figure out why they are HD it is just excepted that this is normal.( until resentment enters the picture then this gets distorted). But a LD is suppose to figure out why they are LD and fix it. It is not exceptable to just be LD.
I wrote: "But I think the connection with your partner sexually has to be maintained in some way or you won't be able to get back there."
And you replied: "I agree here. I do not think either Jen or myself stated that fufilling our spouse was not important to us."
When I wrote what I wrote I wasn't thinking of you or Jen or the other LD wives on this board. Clearly if you are on this board you consider the SL important. I was thinking more of the LD wives of the HD men who post here... the women who think you can go for months or years without any sexual contact and then one day it will just magically be there again. (I also was NOT thinking of the LD men married to the HD women on this board.)
Sorry to make it so blunt, but you are LOOKING for things to do other then sex.
Quote: This list could go on forever.
Yes, please make a list of everything in your life that is more important then your husband.
Sorry to be so blunt, but many of us HD guys feel that we are 150th on our wifes list of things to do. That is EXACTLY the problem, our wives do no put us any where near the top of the list. For the sake of your children, you need to be lover FIRST and mother Second. Why do you thing that divorce is so high for empty nesters? Spouses ignore each other for kids for 20+ years, now the kids are gone and you are living with a stranger.
Quote: I have never made any bones about the fact that my children are my biggest responsibility and my greatest loves. With the exception of God there is nothing that I feel as strongly about as my children.
So you value your children ABOVE your husband? Wow, I bet he feels real important.
Bait and switch implies some intent to sell 'merchandise' that doesn't exist, it's not an accident! The very nature of bait and switch is a calculated plan to entice a person and offer him something he wants, but sell him something else. Sorry, not buying it!
Glad to see you're so interested in the real reason your SL is a bust. Same sh!t, different pile Cemar... how's that workin' for ya?
Thankfully I never feel that you discount what I say or how I feel as being oh well she is LD what does she know. What she thinks is not important because it is not about sex. I remember one of my first post on here I stated something about getting out of the bedroom and into reality and got lambasted for it. My point then as it has been all along is to some of us LD people sex is not the issue. The issue is part of the lack of desire for sex. There are alot of people here that are willing to listen to a LD person and try to understand. But there are others that blantently refuse to look past the sex issue. It seems there issue is the only one in there mind that merits resolution. And if they are willing to work on other issues it is after there sex life is fixed. And truthfully I believe some LD people really have no issue in there marriage other then there S being so HD and not willing to compromise to a point where both may not be 100% satisfied but at least 80% satisfied.
I was in a game room last night and the people there play together often and were chatting freely. One lady made a statement about having sex and if it takes more then two minutes it was wasting time. Lol the whole chatroom exploded at this. Most where laughing and agreeing with the lady. Talking about trying to figure out if beige would be a good ceiling color making mental grocery list ect. A few men stated oh my god glad your not my wife ect but only one woman said if it only took my H two minutes he would be out the door. I sat and laughed in amusement. But again found myself thinking back to the fact prior to this BB I had only ever met in real life two or three HD woman and none of them were married. Most people I know are LD that are female.
Want to hear something I have mauling over in my mind for a few days. Okay you have the LD woman that come here and post. Not seen any LD men yet. So these LD woman do a 180 in life they become HD yet things in there life only take a new twist with this. As then there spouses become the LD so still no marital bliss and total satisfaction in the sex life for either spouse. I see it like this.
You meet up with a traveler and decide to walk together down a path for company. Now you are not really hungry but the traveler has not eaten in days so all he can talk about is food. So you tell him you live a few miles down the road and he is more then welcome to join you for a meal. The rest of the way to your cottage the traveler talks about how wonderful it will be to eat the hot buttery biscuits and how lovely the taste of the blueberry jam will be. So you get to your cottage and you make a lavish meal for the traveler. The traveler ask for seconds and thirds because he is so hungry and eats until you run out of food. It is getting late so you tell the traveler he is welcome to stay in your barn for the evening and you will feed him again in the morning before he journeys on. The next morning though you are not very hungry yet remembering the amount of food the traveler had consumed the night before you decide to cook a larger meal. Again the traveler eats plate after plate of food for fear of when his next meal is to come again you run out of food before he is full. You decide to ask the traveler if he cares to stay a few days and help do some odd chores in return you will feed him and he can sleep in your barn. He agrees. So again you increase the amount of food you make and you decide that you enjoy cooking larger meals and relish the company while eating this makes eating more enjoyable so day after day you feed this person meal after meal and with each meal the traveler eats a little less hence he is no longer the starving soul you had met on your journey. And one day after a meal you look in the pots and see you have cooked to much. And wonder why the traveler is no longer as hungry as he once seemed.
Okay so I have had to much time to think lately lol. Guess it is time to work on my own thread soon.
So, there's nothing you've ever done during dating that you could say later wasn't 100% truthful? You've never used a line on a girl? Never said "I love you" when you didn't? Never stood a girl up, or lied to her about your feelings? Never??? Come on, dating is not always about getting married... sometimes it's just fun ! Did you marry the first girl you dated?
Quote: Sometimes sex/ML has to happen so the HD person does not think about sex most of the day.
Ok, I just HAD to jump on this one! You've got to be kidding me?!?! Your W must put out so that you don't think about sex all day??? Are you for real? I go through my day with a million problems/thoughts running around in my brain. I am not only working a regular job, I'm running the most important empire in the world, my family. I'm trying to coordinate care, manage finances, direct trafic in our little world, and you're worried you'll think about sex too often? Can ya tell I don't give a fig how often you think about sex?!?!
Lou, I think your basically a good guy! And I would love to hear that your W has suddenly hit her pace and is jumpin' your bones every other night. But this thread was about the fact that I see so many posts about how we LD people don't realize the damage we are doing in our marriage, as if it was a carefully executed plan or something.
I'm not sure how to bridge the gap between the HD person wanting a deeper connected love life, and the LD person having their feelings validated and being accepted for the way they are inside. Hope someone figures that out soon, cause until there is a pill that shifts me into high gear, I'm stuck in low and feeling pretty bad about it.
Jen ~feeling a bit down over this and not sure if this is the place I should be.
Jen ~feeling a bit down over this and not sure if this is the place I should be.
Please do not give up! There are some great advantages to being here. I know believe me I know at times it is hard because so few LD people are here to support each other. But there are HD people that are very supportive of even us LD people. The hardest part of being only one of the few LD people here is that you are always having to justify why you are LD. And like I said earlier it as if you are LD you need to fix yourself like you are the flawed component in a other wise working machine. Sometimes making people realize that either A. You do not see this as a flaw. Or B. the machine really was not working well to begin with and is the cause of your flaw can become really frustrating.
A few weeks back ago I went into a forum here and it was like a all out HD vs LD war. It read like you stupid bitch if you would just spread your legs for your H your life would not be so bad and your H would not be ready to leave you. Well hmmm it took everything in me to not jump in on that. And went on and on. But I left the room instead and came back to this forum and say enough I give up I am done. But all the wonderful people here changed my mind. Lou Gel Honey IHJ HD Lil all of them are HD and though they may not agree or totally understand me as a LD and sometimes they will bluntly (Yeah Gel that one is for you) tell me what a minute you should not do that. Or don't think you are being fair on that one. They all support me in there own way. And they have all helped me in some manor. And hey some of even the hardcore HDs can understand it alittle I do believe CeMar just validated and was being supportive of little ol LD me on another post I do believe.(love that guy). I came what 8 weeks ago so ready to walk out of my marriage yet feeling so trapped in it. Thanks to GEL and Honey and there bluntness I stood up to my H regaurding his abusive behavior towards me and my kids. He now takes C classes after 15 years of this. After reading HD post I saw a side of my H that he does not know how to express in words but it is like seeing into what my H is thinking at times. And Lil has a subtle way of making you look for answers within yourself that she never even asked. But for what your feeling right now MRS NOP told me not to long ago. To stay and fight the fight do not let ourselves get pushed around because we are LD stand up for ourselves Because LDs matter to. I have not thought of leaving this board since. I inject my thoughts and if someone brashly puts out there that a LD is a flawed person and the weakest link to there R I tell them hell no I wont except that prove it to me.
Oh long ramble getting late meds kicking in. Really just wanted to say don't go. you belong here just as much as the rest of us. And us other LD people could really use your support. And would like to get a chance to be supportive of you.
