I think she cares too but also believe most of it is motivated by guilt. She knows she quit on us. The problems we had are not anything I would not be willing to improve on. I can't say "fix" because we all backslide. She has some preconcieved notions about me too that did some damage in our marriage. She feels I did many things for self satisfaction rather than for us. I don't feel this was the case. I just made the best of the sitch to get...for us. I think I made some progress on at least two of these items in the past 5 weeks. I am claiming them as 180s. Another 40 years and she may think she was not completely right in her thinking (ha ha).
Ran into one of her closest friends and her husband this past weekend. I'm sure they could tell I was still really hurting but I told them I was doing OK. I have done my best not to talk to any of her friends about the sitch to this point but did ask one question of her friend. Do you think she is being nice out of guilt or pitty? She said no and said she would keep that between us (yea right). I also told them I have been dating which is not true but figure it can't hurt to plant a bug. I should be dating so why not imbelish a little?
Tessa, I see you are from MD. I have been to Emmitsberg. The National Fire Accademy. Very Cool
Jak466
Jak466
State Trooper: Do you feel this vehicle is safe for highway travel?
Del Griffith: Yes sir. Yes. Yes I do. I mean she may not look like much but she'll get you where you wanna go.
The problems we had are not anything I would not be willing to improve on. I can't say "fix" because we all backslide.
If your wife is like my H, she doesn't see it the same way as you do. But don't let that discourage you. She will need to consistently see those changes for some time before she is able to feel comfortable that the changes are here to stay. My H first responded with anger when he started seeing the things that I had changed. He accused me of doing these things just to get him back. That was 5 months ago, now he compliments those same changes. So don't get discouraged if she doesn't notice or does notice and responds with anger. It's not because your doing something wrong, it's just the way they are for now.
I think I made some progress on at least two of these items in the past 5 weeks.
That's great. The best time to practice these changes until they become permanent is while the spouse or ex-spouse is not around. That's one of the reasons why I have had to tell my H to stay away for awhile. I was stressing myself out too much about whether the house was clean enough, I was pretty enough, the conversation was interesting enough, or if I was nice enough.
I also told them I have been dating which is not true but figure it can't hurt to plant a bug. I should be dating so why not imbelish a little?
You shouldn't be sitting around just waiting on her. I don't know if trying to make her jealous is a good thing or not, sometimes it backfires. But something I learned on this BB is that it really doesn't matter if she is dating someone and/or if you are dating someone. What matters instead, is taking advantage of any opportunity to build a new and better relationship with the spouse/ex-spouse. The idea that when the two of you do interact, you leave her with nothing but positive thoughts about that interaction. If there is a friendship still there you build up from there, if there isn't a friendship then you build one and then build up from there.
Tessa, I see you are from MD. I have been to Emmitsberg. The National Fire Accademy. Very Cool
I've been there too. When my H and I were dating we took a Sunday and just drove all over. He decided to stop there and we visited the Fallen FF Memorial. I found that to be sad. H was a volunteer then and has since become a career FF. I think he's at work today but I've lost track of his schedule.
