Kim - Thanks. One thing that is bothering me...As H is leaving for Country X soon, I have repeatedly said that we should minimise contact between the two of us, and would communicate over the boys only. And when he comes back to visit the boys, he should stay in the hotel. Now, I think back. I think that was kinda stupid of me, isn't it? It's against DBING. H also asked "why? Don't you think that it would be good if I call and IM you when I am away? Don't you think that would help us in our situation?" Now, I think of it. Yeah...it would be in my favour isn't it? How stupid of me. I think I should remedy this sitch subtly before H goes off. Stupid Yoyo! Stupid Yoyo! Okay!!! I need to stop kicking myself and change tactics now...I think I should conform to the DBING techniques and not modify anything for the time being....
Kim - Thanks. One thing that is bothering me...As H is leaving for Country X soon, I have repeatedly said that we should minimise contact between the two of us, and would communicate over the boys only. And when he comes back to visit the boys, he should stay in the hotel. Now, I think back. I think that was kinda stupid of me, isn't it? It's against DBING. H also asked "why? Don't you think that it would be good if I call and IM you when I am away? Don't you think that would help us in our situation?" Now, I think of it. Yeah...it would be in my favour isn't it? How stupid of me. I think I should remedy this sitch subtly before H goes off. Stupid Yoyo! Stupid Yoyo! Okay!!! I need to stop kicking myself and change tactics now...I think I should conform to the DBING techniques and not modify anything for the time being....
Kim - Thanks. One thing that is bothering me...As H is leaving for Country X soon, I have repeatedly said that we should minimise contact between the two of us, and would communicate over the boys only. And when he comes back to visit the boys, he should stay in the hotel. Now, I think back. I think that was kinda stupid of me, isn't it? It's against DBING. H also asked "why? Don't you think that it would be good if I call and IM you when I am away? Don't you think that would help us in our situation?" Now, I think of it. Yeah...it would be in my favour isn't it? How stupid of me. I think I should remedy this sitch subtly before H goes off. Stupid Yoyo! Stupid Yoyo! Okay!!! I need to stop kicking myself and change tactics now...I think I should conform to the DBING techniques and not modify anything for the time being....
O.K. Yoyo I think you just answered your own question then didn't you. Yes it was silly look at how much he contacted you when he was away just recently and that seemed to be the turning point for the both of you so don't change that. As if you will let him stay in a Hotel when he comes to visit you will have him at home so you can ML so don't try and fool me or yourself. hehehehe. Anyhow at least you can see this wasn't the wisest thing to say and you are going to fix it so problem solved....at least that one.....KDU
Wow...don't know what happened. So many of the same posts!!!I must be repeating myself so often that my fingers just had to repeat what I wanted to say?
Kim - Yup...I know I can't keep myself away from H. The thing now is how to tell it to him subtly. I am itching to call or IM him the whole day. BUT am refraining. Don't want to be the pursuing wife. I will wait till tonight when I see him...Patience! Patience! Patience!
yoyogirl, I don't think I have replied to any of your posts before. I just read your last few posts, and wanted to say that I think that you are going great. It really helps me when I am floundering to read others stories. Don't beat yourself up when you think you have made a mistakes as I think you have far more steps in the right direction. I really liked what you said to your H about how you are no longer willing to accept a loveless M just for your boys. You go girl! Those boys need to know that they have a strong mum, so they grow into happy well adjusted men who respect women. Hang in there
Patience is right Yoyo we both must have it and we both have to make sure we dont persue as we seem to both be so close to making it work.....Patience, patience, patience and use those DB skills to the max...>KDU
Kismet, KDU - Thank you! Thank you! Think I needed the encouragement. I think I can see my sitch improving, but not wanting to be overly excited. On the whole, H is showing signs of coming to his senses. Yeah, he still talks about separation blah blah blah, but is at the same time talking about a future us. But overall, his mood has been quite good. No anger. Some jokes. Some assurance. I shouldn't let the negatives overshadow all the positives.
Last night, I did ask H if he would feel uneasy staying at home when he come back from Country X for visits. I said it would be difficult to explain to the boys. He said "he won't feel uneasy, but he would probably still want to stay at the hotel. And he said "Don't worry, she won't come and stay with me. We can tell the boys that dad is back here for work and you can come too". Oh well...so much of getting H to come back and stay at the house.
We had another R talk last night. I know that we shouldn't but it just sort of happened. Alot of the same things were said between the two of us. Mostly repeats of our previous talks. H said "Well, you said you will give me another 6 months. So, that's it. Let's not talk about it anymore. But frankly, I won't want to take that long. It will probably be about 2 months when I decide. Don't say that I am building castles in the air for you, but I probably don't want to be in Country X alone, and would want you all to come over and the boys to start school at the start of the semester in Country X. Well, I know you are gonna say that I might ask OW over to stay with me. And yes, I might. But I think everything will be okay." blah blah blah...and then he said "Well, you gave me another 6 months, and at the end of this 6 months, and I still want to go ahead and be with her knowing that she and I are incompatible, then you know I am a stupid $%#^ that's not worth it". So, as you can see, I am with H's comments. Gosh...I think he is really driving me quite nuts, isn't he? But then I have to ignore all these yoyo-ing thoughts of his and just see the baby-steps forwards. Another thing that he said : H: You know what, everyone is asking me who I will be bringing to Country X, and I told them no-one. (Grinning) I keep on thinking about what one of my coworker said about "you want to drink milk, don't have to bring the whole cow home" Me: Does that mean me as a cow as well. H: Nope.
Anyway, H then said that he had to work a bit in our home office. Gave him a peck on his forehead before I went to bed. No major drama...but I did tear abit. I have to train myself to see the positives...he was joking and cheerful. None of the anger that I constantly saw two months ago. Kept on saying that he and I have a lot in common...
This morning, H left for work really early. I was away at an event and did not log into my Messenger, and H called me about 10.30 am and said "You don't have to work? I didn't see you log into your Messenger". So, I guessed he was keeping a look-out for me in Messenger Later in the afternoon, saw that I had a missed call from H, and I returned his call. He just said that he was gonna go out for some drinks with our mutual friends (husbands part of couples). So....here goes another day....
One thing that I forgot... H: It's not that I don't love you. I do. I love you. Like you said,... I may not be IN love with you, but I do love you. I guessed the reverse in also true. I may be IN love with her, but I don't love her. And I can learn to be IN love with you.
you will have him at home so you can ML 
so don't try and fool me or yourself. hehehehe. Anyhow at least you can see this wasn't the wisest thing to say and you are going to fix it so problem solved....at least that one.....KDU 
with H's comments. Gosh...I think he is really driving me quite nuts, isn't he? But then I have to ignore all these yoyo-ing thoughts of his and just see the baby-steps forwards. Another thing that he said :