How did you get your spouse to consider medication? I was in such bad shape emotionally that I went to the psychiatrist and asked if I needed it. Ans was no but my wife won't go or consider the option even though she admits to being over the edge emotionally.
FM, you don't get someone else to consider anything. I know that's what you feel you must do, yet you do not have that kind of control over others to have them do what you think is best for them, or for you. You can only take care of yourself and do for yourself and that's what Michele gets across in her books. You're the key to everything else changing. You change first, then the dynamics of relationships opens the way eventually to others changing around you.
FM, check out my WAWfighter post above. You and I are in similar boats. I would appreciate seeing any successes you have, and I will share mine (if any) with you. They just are not thinking completely straight right now. Try to be patient. DR says most marriages survive infidelity and most affairs end w/i 6 mos. Hope DR is right!
Very interesting post. I "Googled" the esay and found that the article was attributed to Frank Pittman, Source: Psychology Today. The original was several pages long and well worth reading the whole thing.Thanks GB
Also, if you search Pittman's name on Amazon, you'll find his book, "Private Lies: Infideltity and the Betrayel of Innocence." I think I'll order it and give it a read.
Gotta join the "Yup, that's Him!" chorus. I also looked it up on the net and read deeper into it. My discovery that my H is in the emotionally retarded category was not surprising, but not terribly encouraging either.
You're the key to everything else changing. You change first, then the dynamics of relationships opens the way eventually to others changing around you.
The lightbulb just came on. Thank you again, NY.
I made changes for the better and H responded positively, very positively.
I screwed up the last several days and H has reacted very negatively -- he is "having doubts again"
Here is something that I have noticed -- When I have made changes for the better, it has taken H some time to react positively to them. But when I have fallen back to negative behavior, H has reacted almost immediately. So it is important to have patience and give positive changes time to be noticed and then appreciated. Time = weeks, months, years. Not hours or days.
Hi gbhost I too read this essay and would love to send it to my H OW cuz i would love for her to read "wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continue living your life as it is," cuz she chased my H because she was unhappy in her marriage...i know that H made the final choice but would love for her to read that about herself cuz she has called me to say shes sorry that they never meant to hurt anyone (me, my 3 kids, her H and her 2 kids) I would love to hear what she had to say to anyone about that!!!
Ditto, ditto. My H too. How, by the way, did the phrase "to a T" get started? Yep. All our spouses are in a fog, crisis of their own, whatever you want to call it and NY is right...the bottom line is the same. We wonderful people here have an opportunity to change our lives. We for the first time really know that we have 0 control over what someone else does. Only over ourselves. And we must all remember that when we are DBing we are doing it for OURSELVES. Not for the WAS. Honestly, do any of these WAS's deserve for us to do this? No. They have blooowwn it. They are in puberty! So, we can choose to DB, but it must be for ourselves, regardless what the outcome is. That's the trap in DB. We are all doing it with this ultimate goal in mind...and that sets us up to feel all the anguish. But look, we are in control of us. And we can all learn to be happy if we can somehow do these things that sound so simple...GAL, detach. That truly is the secret weapon of DB. By doing that we may get our WAS's to want to come back. By doing that we are going to find peace and joy, whether we choose to want them back or not.
Just had to say that though it does not describe my H or my sitch. The essay spoke in volumes to me. There was a pure truth in the words that are easy to identify with. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck on your sitch hope it goes the way you want it to
cuz i would love for her to read "wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continue living your life as it is," cuz she chased my H because she was unhappy in her marriage...i know that H made the final choice but would love for her to read that about herself cuz she has called me to say shes sorry that they never meant to hurt anyone (me, my 3 kids, her H and her 2 kids) 
