I can understand just how difficult this is, and am sorry to hear you are being tested so. But, it seems like you have a LOT of anger to work through for dbing to be truly effective. Supressing will not suffice, as you obviously discovered today.
What can you do to make sure you are in a better place, more detached, and therefore more able to cope with the ever hurtful behaviour that will undoubtedly continue for a while yet?
WAW, Been there, done that, bought the T shirt. As I see it you've got little leeway and little time. Here's a list of To Do's: 1. Anger management. Read 2. Re-read DB or DR 3. Write down objectives with small wins 4. Go dark, give her time and space. She's not likely to want to talk with an angry person like you. 5. Read Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life." 6. Pray, really pray not for god to listen to you but for you to listen to God. Good Luck
Just like everyone else, I've been there too. Make this the last time dude. Most likely W will see that you were somewhat justified in your outburst, and she'll put off filing. But as you know when you smack her in the face with facts that prove her guilt, it gets you nowhere closer to reconciliation. One of these times she'll be convinced that you can never change, and then you're screwed.
Strive to be like MF. Take W's load of crap, maintain that PMA, show understanding, and come from a loving place. Figure out what kind of jedi mind game you need to perform on yourself to get you past the anger.
When you figure it out let me know. If I figure it out, I will share with everyone here.
Thanks all of you. Here I've been patting myself on the back for doing such a good job over the last month and I go and throw it all away in one outburst.
I called her home machine today and said, "I'm sorry we had a rough time last night. I know how hard the kids can be to deal with alone. Anyway, I hope your trip back was good and I'll be here if you need to talk."
She called from the AP (not yet home) and said that "we need to talk tomorrow." What I need is a good response for when she says she is going to file. I.E., "Do you think that will make you happier?" or is that bad. Keep in mind she's said that before a couple of times and didn't follow through. One of these times, she will. Any suggestions???
Another option for repsonse might be: "I'll support whatever you decide" "I've heard that if you love someone set them free" "Let me know how I can help"
Each response is a 180. It recognizes her needs and her right. Then you sit back and wait. Takes brass ones my friend. You up to it?
She has indicated that she is going to file. However, she has done so in the past and never followed through.
I have had a very bad few days and have backslid tremendously. I argued with her, yelled at her, got angry, defensive, you name it, I did it. This morning I have convinced myself to get back on track, get back to DB, Detach, and everything else. I got my kids back last night and actually slept fairly well; maybe that’s why my PMA has improved.
She actually emailed me yesterday saying that she is not blaming me, that she realizes that she walked away. She said she realized that we were great once, and hopes we can be again after divorced. This is the first time she actually took some responsibility and I am taking it as a good sign.
Even if she does file this time, I know it's not over. I am going to keep trying, and hopefully not backslide again.
Any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.
Quote: She actually emailed me yesterday saying that she is not blaming me, that she realizes that she walked away. She said she realized that we were great once, and hopes we can be again after divorced. This is the first time she actually took some responsibility and I am taking it as a good sign.
Ok, I'll play devil's advocate for a minute. Be very wary of this statement. I read two things into it: 1) this is a way to get you to go ahead w/ D papers and not fight it; 2) she doesn't want to hurt your feelings and dismiss the past
REMEMBER the saying - believe NONE of what you hear, and only 1/2 of what you see....all I am saying is PROCEED WITH CAUTION.
Bryan
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Quote: Even if she does file this time, I know it's not over. I am going to keep trying, and hopefully not backslide again.
I'm glad you still have this attitude. Divorce does not equal everything is over. It's just another step. Look at it as the end of your old R and hopefully a beginning of a new even better one.
