Waw... It sounds to me like you are having a real learning experience and it look like you are going in a good direction. I wish that I can always take the advise and learn and absorb it. Just wanted to check in and let you know that I like what you are doing.
Wife called me last night and she had been drinking. She asked me to come over and I did. She is in fact very confused and we did some "necking". One thing she did say though, was that OM was "pressuring her." I assume to file divorce against me. I don't know, but this might be good, right? Considering that I am not pressuring her anymore. And, I bet she doesn't tell OM that I came over.
Go back and review "1 Year of DBing" that I mentioned to you earlier--MF's story, OK?! You've got to be a friend, supportive, unconditional, nonconfrontive, and ATTRACTIVE NOWWW!!! THE Marriage should destroy the A, not the other way around. OM is applying the pressure, now you be there for her and BE SUPPORTIVE of her feelings. LISTEN to her, but dont offer any advice. Just listen.
You still might have a way to go, but you can either help your sitch or destroy it by how you respond to her. Man, please keep your cool and go easy, softly, slowly.
By the way, "pinging" as I understand it is the way a WAS will bounce back and forth like a ping-pong ball between distancing from you & telling you it's over, then giving you hope that they may be interested in returning. The undecidedness, and confusion of the WAS about what they really want.
Anyways, review MF's story & DB's "experiment & monitor results" I won't be available for the next couple of weeks, but I'll pop on when I can. Keep DBing man, you're doing great. I will be praying for you & yours.
GG
"You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them..." The Gambler
Just stopping by and letting you know I've finally had the time to read your thread. Thanks for stopping by mine the other day. I see why you felt compelled to post on mine - lots of similarities.
GG's "pinging" theory is right on. I'm still trying to get through his thread. He is an experienced veteran in dealing with infidelity.
When I have more time I'll post some comments and hopefully some helpful advice later. Keep up the good work. You make it look easy but I know how hard you are working and struggling through every day.
W recently confided to me that OM was “pressuring her.” I at first assumed that he was pressuring her to file for divorce from me. My C on the other hand thinks that a guy who fools around w/ a married woman wouldn’t give a damn if she was divorced or not. C seems to think that he has moved on from the “all attentive new love” to the “I want more from you.”
I am also fairly confident that W is now probably lying to OM about her activities with me. Pittman talks about this as a very good sign. Is this another phase?
Both Glass and Pittman talk about phases that husbands and wives go through after the discovery of the affair. I guess I’m looking for information on phases that the spouse and OP go through so I can start watching for them.
Any ideas or other resources? Thanks fellow DBers!
Journaling W is out of town w/ our kids on "vacation." The good part is that I know for a fact that OM is not with them.
A 180 and GAL combined. I went out and bought myself some bikini underwear today . Never worn that style in my life. Between stress and going to gym often now, I have lost a lot of weight. Damn I look pretty good in them. Think I will buy some more, and I hope that W will see me in them one day!!! (hopefully sooner then later)
My C on the other hand thinks that a guy who fools around w/ a married woman wouldn't give a damn if she was divorced or not.
That makes sense. My therapist also mentioned that a divorce also may, on an unconscious level, change their relationship because it makes the WAS 100% totally free and available to the OP, not to mention take the "forbidden fruit" aspect out of the situation.
Thanks NYS, I only hope it fizzles LONG before this leads to the big D. The last she mentioned filing was 3 weeks ago, but still hasn't done so. (Knock on wood.) Just goes to show how truly confused she and other WAWs are.
Kids called me today from the vac that W took them on (same one we went on two years ago as a family!) They were whiny when my W got on the line and started accusing me of turning them against her. When I asked what she meant, she went on a diatribe of me being in the house, me doing this, me doing that, I'm sure you have all heard it before. And of course, everything is my fault.
Well, I blew it. I yelled that she was the one f***ing another man, she was the one who moved out, and she was the one who was destroying our family. I then hung up on her. I have done so well over the last several weeks and I just threw it all away.
She called back and said that she now thinks she whould go ahead and file this week cause it seems that we're done. I told her I was sorry for blowing up, but I simply lost my temper (Which I rarely do). She went on with more acussatory statements toward me and that was it.
She has said she would file before and she never has. I am hoping that this was just one of her incidents and it shall pass.
He is an experienced veteran in dealing with infidelity.
. Never worn that style in my life. Between stress and going to gym often now, I have lost a lot of weight. Damn I look pretty good in them. Think I will buy some more, and I hope that W will see me in them one day!!! (hopefully sooner then later)