Quote: She mentions she is going out of town next weekend, (I don not ask, but I'm sure it's w/ OM
Stop thinking about him!!!!!!! AND DON"T ASSUME!!!!!! Unless she comes out and tells you that she's with him, don't let it come close to entering your mind. Try seeing a stop sign in your head everytime the thought of OM enters. As soon as you start to tear up, see the stop sign. Try not to feed her the negative energy. See the stop sign, take a deep breath and think about something else. At night go to bed and ask god to give her the strengh to come home and you the strengh to hold your chin up. I did it everynight... I haven't done so much praying in all of my life. But it worked.
This is corny, but...
A chinese friend of mine in Jr high told me once that when you wear a necklace, everytime the clasp is down by your chest, it means someone is thinking about you.
All day long I find my clasp down by my chest and it gives me a nice sense that someone is thinking about me. I kiss it while no one is watching, and tell my H I love him.
Whether there is any truth in that or not, it gets me through the day. I guess what I'm trying to say, is find someway to get your sitch out of your head. Find something that will work for you, so you won't feel sorry about yourself. Something to make you walk taller. And follow your intuition.
Instead of hating Sundays, look forward to the peace. Make it a day for you. A day to do house work, met with friends, take up a hobby, whatever so you don't think about them, and feel bad for yourself.
Life is hard enough with out us making it harder on ourselves.
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
The funny thing is, PL, that a few weeks ago W told me that she was still actively seeing OM, and that she didn't want to lie to me anymore about her whereabouts. Since then, however, when she tells me she is going to go out of town, or do something special, she has never mentioned him. So she is still lying. In a funny way, I guess that's kind of good. She still is concerned about my feelings and she obviously feels very guilty about the EA.
hey WAWfighter My H just told me a couple of weeks ago "this is hard for him because he has spent alot of time with her and has developed feelings....sorry i don't want to hurt you but just being honest" Since when do they really care about being honest? Only when it can really hurt us? It feels like a slap everytime they are "being honest" but what about the A, was that honest? and all that an affair brings to those of us involved? I think it's their sick way of making themselves feel better about what they are doing, because they feel saying what they are saying is HONEST but they never seem to follow through with the rest of it, like if OM is going with her. It's like they give you half of what you are looking for and leave the rest up to you to decide. so don't ask it doesn't feel any better knowing, it just makes that OM seem important to you, which he shouldn't be because then he becomes the focus instead of you. Maybe when you don't ask about him it gets W wondering "hey why isn't H wondering if OM is going?" Then her mind can come up with it's own conclusions of why your not interested....like what's he doing, is he moving on, what going on in his life that i don't know about. Hope this makes some sense. I do know how you are feeling though because for the last week i myself have been wanting to ask what is going on with OW since she found out H and I were together. It really hard but stay the course and you will see the benefits...i think i have maybe a little by not asking because ive now focused on me and how i am with H instead of her & H together. If i focus on me then i am happier when talking to him and when i focus on her i am angry, hurt, and ready to kill...kidding about actually killing and i know that he senses all that in me.
Hope this helps a bit and i know what you mean about sundays..just find things to do ANYTHING!!!
Thanks AW! I am follwoing the rules 100% I never ask about him or them nor do I ask where she is going or what she is doing. I am also very upbeat and happy, (at least sound like it) each time I speak with her. I, (of course with everyone else on the board), just wish I had some idea as to how long this will take.
Maybe your W doesn't mention Om anymore because their R isn't as great as it once was. Maybe things are on their way out. Like the book says, most A's don't last longer than 6 months. Turn the situation around. Instead of assuming they are together, pray that they are fighting, and having a crappy time together.
Feeling guilty about the EA isn't always bad, but it may take awhile for her to get over those feelings. My H decided to go to MC with me after straight out telling me time after time, that if you can't fix your own problems at home, then you have bigger problems than you realize, and the MC won't help any ways. So I made an apppoinment for me to go alone, and when he found out, he asked to come. He said that he was having a hard time with guilt, knowing that he hurt me and our D. But on the other hand, becuase of the guilt, he didn't want to come back. That he wanted to be in love with me, and not be together just because it would make me happy, and everyone expected himtoo. He has to be happy.
Sometimes all you can do is wait. Watch for baby steps.
I saved my marriage and so can you....Its all about positive thinking...
I appreciate your thoughts, but I don't think so. I swear, I can check off everyone of the "Romantic Infidelity" symptoms. And I mean EVERY one. I think W is going to have to hit rock bottom for anything to change. I just hope rock bottom isn't divorce.
W just called, wants to know when school starts as she wants to take the kids to Disneyland before. We went together as a family two years ago, but I guess I don't get to go this year. Regardless, I kept a happy tone of voice. But I'm sure she could tell I had a tinge of disappointment. This is getting harder and harder.
Hold your head up high and keep up your PMA. Remember this is a roller coaster ride and it makes you feel sick sometimes. You never know what can happen or change in the future so don't hang your head over yet.
My S7 just informed me that w is taking he and D5 to Disneyland w/ OM and 2 dtrs. My son is in tears as he can't understand why I can't go. W told me she was taking them, but failed to mention OM. Any advice?
Found out from S7 that OM and Ds spent night at Ws apt with my kids there, and that they were all going to Disneyland together. I blew it and got P****d off which turned into another 45 min discussion about our R in which all she does is repeat the same mantra of what has been wrong for 6 months, or 18 months, or seven years, (depending on whatever mood she's in.)
Last night she left a long VM saying that she had talked to the kids and that she was trying not to lie anymore and yada yada yada. She did say that she would give everything to have things perfect like they were years ago, and that she was thinking about me and cared a ton about me, but can't go back to the way things were.
Today when we spoke I thanked her for her message and complimented her on her actions. I then went on to calmly reiterate that I desired that she did not take the kids to DL w/OM, that I just felt that gave them the wrong impression. She replied that she had already decided not to go; but that they were going to stay in separate rooms, and did I think she was an idiot? I told her of course not, that I knew she only had the kids’ best interest at heart, and so on. By the time our conversation ended, she was p***ed at me.
Did I blow it? Or did I just maybe make her think a little of her actions and she was more mad at herself.
As an aside, I actually took the Romantic Infidelity article and have listed in chronological order the sacrifices she had made including honesty, health, marriage, home, friends, kid's well being, and the list will get longer, I have no doubt.
Feedback, suggestions, criticisms? Please let me know.
