Quote: I don't know how to go about that without the onset of pursuit or pressure felt by my W. I have made offers to do lunch or other things before, but they were rebuffed. So, I don't know the path I'm supposed to follow in this regard. It is really frustrating.
Lunch is too much too soon. I presume by lunch you mean just you and her? That's too much pressure until a comfort level sets in. I was rebuffed with the lunch invites too so don't be discouraged that it will always be that way. I still don't ask her to lunch on weekdays. I would suggest starting with talking to her...I mean when you do the child exchange. Start with a R that centers around your common interest...your child. Do you pick your child up around supper? If so, then sometime just ask.."have you eaten". I phrase it that way all the time. Or say "I'm starving. I don't feel like cooking for me and D. Wanna grab a bite with us?" I don't exactly know how to proceed except start small. The doing things without the kids part of my R is something that has come about through repeated contact that initially always included the children.
Very little to report. I mainly vegged out yesterday and did some work. My wife's family had a get together that I was invited to, but it was out of town and I couldn't make it. I was hoping my W would at least ask if I was going out there. I did see that she called yesterday afternoon so maybe she was going to ask. She also called this am to see what I did yesterday. That was nice of her.
Anyway, that's all for now.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Very good suggestions regarding a natural building toward friendship. I'm taking notes...
You seem to be experiencing yet more of an amazing amount of contact b/t you and W. I think I'm going to have to wait for a 'cooling off' period before any reasonable contact starts up again b/t W and I.
Nice reminder about the kids being the common interest.
think I'm going to have to wait for a 'cooling off' period before any reasonable contact starts up again b/t W and I.
Yes, exactly what I was going to suggest. It's all about context. Pursuit seems like pursuit if it's in the context of pursuit. If you haven't pursued, and then suggest a lunch to catch on things, it doesn't seem like pursuit anymore. And I really like the idea of using a "back door" sort of invite like spur of the moment "gee I'm hungry. D'ja eat? Wanna get sumthin'?" That's ingenious.
Maybe it's too much listening to country music. Better switch to rap or something where all they do is make sexual innuendos. Here's todays song of the day to go with my crappy mood.
I miss the look of surrender in your eyes The way your soft brown hair would fall I miss the power of your kiss when we made love But baby most of all
I miss my friend The one my heart and soul confided in The one I felt the safest with The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again And let the light back in I miss my friend
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Rap would definitely be better. My s was listening to Pop cd's on the way back from Chi-town and this is what I have in my head:
I break it down to the things we never planned I chalk it up to the way I never understand Your demands, I was drowning So far it's not enough to make you see You come back to me, come back to me You can't get me out of your mind
Chorus: I stop gaining ground Every time I look around But everywhere you are I'll be under you But I swear it wasn't fair You left me there But anywhere you are I'll be under you
Quote: Fellas Are you ready? Lets dance Baby (ooooh) I know you like me (I know you like me) I know you do (I know you do) Thats why whenever I come around She's all over you (she's all over you) I know you want it (I know you want it) It's easy to see (it's easy to see) And in the back of your mind I know you should be [censored] me (babe)
[refrain:] Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha Don't cha Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Don't cha Don't cha
Fight the feeling (fight the feeling) Leave it alone (leave it alone) Cause if it ain't love It just aint enough to leave my happy home (my happy home) Let's keep it friendly (let's keep it friendly) You have to play fair (you have to play fair) See I dont care But I know She ain't gonna wanna share
[refrain:] Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha Don't cha Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Don't cha Don't cha
I know I'm on your mind I know we'd have a good time I'm your friend I'm fun And I'm fine I aint lying Look at me shine You aint blind (you aint blind) I know I'm on your mind I know wed have a good time I'm your friend I'm fun And I'm fine I aint lying Look at me shine You aint blind
I know she loves you (I know she loves you) So I understand (I understand) I'd probably be just as crazy about you If you were my own man Maybe next lifetime (maybe next lifetime) Possibly (possibly) Until then no friend possibly Is a drag for me
[refrain:] Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don't cha Don't cha Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Don't cha Don't cha
I heard this song the other day and thought it was funny.maybe when stbx see's how good I look I will play that on my CD player.LOL
When I booted him out I was playing the song "your no good" by Linda Ronstate.
That was before I found DBing.
Later Friends. Briget
The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck
Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
I think that the people at this area of the bb have come to know me pretty well. Or at least know what I'm capable of and how I think. I need honest advice. Sometimes I need to be saved from myself.
Here's the scoop. I went with my ex-SIL to be introduced to a single friend (actually more like an acquaintance). Boy was I nervous and obviously I was questioning my motives. But I met her. She was cute. And she was really nice. It usual takes me awhile to get comfortable with someone but really the conversation went really well for as weird as the meeting was (we went down to her work surrounded by all her coworkers....talk about pressure).
She was really cool. I said maybe we could do something sometime. She gave me her number. And I would like to call her.
So just what the heck am I doing? Bruce went this route and it went over poorly. She is new here and just wants someone to do things with. I'd like the same thing. Is it possible to go that route with no expectations of anything more? I think she would probably would be looking for girl friends though if all she wanted was someone to hang out with.
I know the answer, but I suppose it's just an interest in the things I'm missing in my current sitch (and I don't mean sex...just the possibility). It's probably just curiosity and loneliness. Oh well. Does part of me hope it helps me detach? Probably (although I feel guilty just meeting her...like I'm cheating on my X) Does part of me want to make her jealous and see that she could lose me? Probably...but I'd be afraid she'd find out. I don't want to hurt her. Oh well. It is just a thought. She was really cute though.
Thanks for listening. Is there anywhere here that says "just try a date or two"?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
I was going to start with one thought about honesty, then another thought came up.
A woman with whom you have a rocky history, who wanted a D, left the M, still has issues with the children and you pursue like mad, justifying ever seemingly irrational behavior, and then meet another (cute, personable by your own admission) woman, who seems interested in you (though is likely deranged), where there is no negative history and you are worrying about X finding out, because you do not want to hurt her?
Sorry, I'm going to say it. AAARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!
Here is a crazy idea, in our new state of self-awareness, and knowledge and R understanding.
Since there is nothing to lose, tell her the truth, tell her you may be interested, but you still have strong feelings for your X. If she is still interested, great, if not, there was not too much emotional damage wrought.
Better switch to rap or something where all they do is make sexual innuendos. Here's todays song of the day to go with my crappy mood.
