I am picturing our sex life as a puzzle, with the pieces slowly coming together. Before I began this journey, all the pieces were turned down; I slowly picked up my share and gave H his, all the while trying to figure out how both our parts fit together. Many times I feel I am working too hard on this, alone, even though my H would like the picture completed (enjoying a good sex life). Today, however, H pulled out two of his own pieces, and I have to say, I am a little taken aback, but in a good way.Just a little shocked right now. He had a routine physical for work, and told the doctor that his anniversary is coming up ( not exactly true...it's in Dec.) and he'd like to spice things up, and outrightly asked him for Viagra samples. He came home at lunch-time and showed me them! The second thing is that he told the doc that he would like a vasectomy. We had discussed this yrs ago but he didn't like the idea of being clipped, and I guess in the back of my mind I couldn't completely rule out the chance for a third child. We have been doing a combo of condoms and pulling out; my H just said to me that he feels the sex would be more enjoyable if he didn't have this part hanging in the air. So, he's made a few moves to enhance his sexuality without my input...we shall see where this takes us.
We've discussed the big V before, but for me, it was no big deal at all. I had a very small amount of blood in my semen the first few times, but nothing major. After that, I had some minor discomfort in my scrotum when I ejaculated, but that went away after a few months. It never rose to the level of being called pain, just discomfort. It’s hard to explain to a woman, but it felt exactly like getting kicked in the balls – only at maybe 1% of the intensity. Over a period of six months or so, it gradually diminished from the 1% to nothing at all. Definitely a good trade for removing the fear of another pregnancy.
I am excited for ya, Journey, that H seems to be taking steps to improve it for himself which, in turn, benefits you too. That is good news all around.
It's funny...when he asked the doctor for the Viagra samples, the doc asked him if he had any other problems other than erectile issues, and my H told him that he did not have erectile issues! Case closed.
ZB, thanks for the info on your V experience. I do remember it being discussed here ( was it one of the Daves that was having it done?) and in fact, I mentioned it to H that several men here have had it. I am going to go over what was said ( I think someone had a bad experience). Anyway, my H does better when he knows less info...it will just freak him out to read about this. I, on the other hand, need to know anything and everything.
I had a V to keep from getting W pregnant. That, coupled with the fact that we only have genital contact about three times a year has certainly spiced thing up.
Cough, cough.
Oh, and using Viagra when you don't have "erectile issues"? As quoted by Charlie Sheen in "Two and Half Men": "It's kind of like corking the bat."
One stupid Viagra joke. At the local nursing home, they give the male patients a glass of warm milk and a Viagra before bed each night. The milk is to help them go to sleep. The Viagra is to keep them from rolling out of bed.
---------------------------------------------------------- Earlier this evening after coming home from work, H asked me to lay down and take a rest with him and I did...he initiated kissing and all and some feels, then left it at that. He asked when to ML and we decided tomorrow nite...all of this is wonderful and I am not complaining( okay I am complaining but just here). I miss the lustful spontaneity of it all.
Though I do and don't understand the scheduling of things for some I wonder scheduling sex like it was a doctors appointment does not make a person approach it like it was a doctors appointment.( I myself have a schedule of sex no less then 8 times a month but no paticular dates set for such I pick the dates by mine or H's needs at the moment).
Your take on the arousal issue also makes me wonder two things. If your H pressed his member against you and you could feel its hardness yet had nothing to do with it getting hard (the working up stage) would you later start feeling that his arousal had nothing to do with you.( I have accused my H of getting a hard on if the wind blows to hard and resent feeling like it is up to me to please him when it did not start with me). I myself like to take ownership of the deed so I know it is about me. But that is me. The second wonder is if he was in a state of total arousal when you start the act and go through the stages of kissing and petting to get you aroused his arousal will be very hieghtened at the begining of the main round where yours will be minimal still. This would more then likely make him finish the round while you are still only half way through it after awhile would this to not become problematic for one or both of you also. Ego for him let down for you. Well these where just I wonders.
Now the real question. He asked when to ML and we decided tomorrow nite... I miss the lustful spontaneity of it all.
If this is the case why did you not grab his member give it a squeeze and laughingly say well we could make love right now or we could do it tomorrow night. Or if you really want we can do it right now and tomorrow night your choice. I think I already know in part or full what your answer will be. Fear of rejection and not wanting your S to feel pressured. This is not spontaneous behavior on your part it is the act of forthought or after thought.Spontaneity is the act of being spontaneous. Being spontaneous is the act of acting without thought,a impulsive behavior. So you are saying this you miss something but are not actively seeking it? Meaning (I am assumming)if you are thirsty you go get a drink. If you are hungry and need food you go to the store. If you are dirty you take a shower. You do not wait for someone to bring you a drink,go to the store for you or give you a bath. (thats the part I am assuming) If you did you may thirst to death starve to death and stink really bad (on the off chance you are really pampered I have no on the other hand for you) So if you want spontaneity why don't you became spontaneous. If you do it good naturedly and open ended there really is no room for rejection because you are not expecting a paticular result.
Remember these are just my I wonders from readiing your post. I have lots of them I learn from them. I sometimes am not good at stating them. So long winded they become. See now I am wondering if I am of a abnormal breed of people. Because I know someone is thinking well if I am thirsty I will go get a glass of water but I wish sometimes my S would bring me one. Yet I am thinking I am thirsty and either way I get the water is fine with me be it through my own going to the kitchen to fetch it or having it brought to me it is gonna taste like water and I am going to drink it to quench my thirst.
And by the way I did state that I was not good at keeping my mouth shut for long
I do see your point that if my H were always "rarin' to go" I might feel that it has nothing to do with me; in fact, there were times in my marriage where I did feel put upon by my H's desire for sex ( so who is the hyprocrite)? I guess it's a case of wanting what you don't have or not wanting what you do have...I am trying to change this into making the best of what you've got.
As far as the spontaneity goes, you are right--- I have held off being more free because of concern about my H's reaction and not wanting to pressure him. However, I have gotten better in coming forward in recent days by relying on Hank ( that special figment of imagination originally created by JJ) who never is rejecting in any way. I have surprised myself with a few of my comments to H this week.
It really does help to have different perspectives so keep on postin'!
My mom always told me growing up 'IT IS BETTER TO WANT WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE THEN TO HAVE WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT'. Odd I cannot think of one person that does not have a foot on both sides of this fence. I have what I do not want and I want what I do not have.I can not say either is better myself. And I do find it is human nature for us to be this way. Goes with that cup half full or half empty thing either way it is only half way so it sometimes makes ya wanna scream it is both you idiot (into the wind of course so you do not hurt the askers feelings).
I do have a question I see all these references to type 1,2,3 ect ect. What is that. Since it went to 9 I am not thinking that is the 5 LL thing but something else. And since I failed the 5 LL test (lol sadly true) I was thinking there was a chance I could fall into a type if there was more catagories.( If it has a none of the above type I know I can pass). When you get a minute I would love to know more about this.
Chrissy, Try not to worry too much if your H gets hard without you. Many many times my LDH gets hard from everyday things, which have nothing to do with me, but he always turns to me to take care of it. Heck, every time I feel horny I am not thinking of my H--I'm sure you'd say the same thing.
I know what you're saying because I'd like my H to get hard from ME, from what I do and how I look and act, etc etc. But that's just not reality!
Knowing that I am his first thought when he does find himself hard is good enough for me.
Oh and the trying to talk an LDH into doing it spontaneously "now" instead of the chosen night is no different than if your H tried grabbing you and playfully saying You can have it tonight or tonight and tomorrow night.
Say, how WOULD you react to that?
I think on some nights my H would say, You're on!! and we'd have loads of fun with it. Other nights it would irritate him. I'm just not enough of a mind reader to guess so I avoid the situation altogether.
Just like you, I'm a woman and I DO NOT LIKE to be rejected.
Well that's enough of that seriousness this early in the morning.
