Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Still Yoyo-ing About.....

See told you.......He is very interested in what he is coming home to....I don't know I have stuffed this myself once b4 remember so I could give you wrong advice now but here goes.....When he gets home have a nice dinner either at home or out but with the boys as they will have missed him and then when boys go to bed well thats private and I know you will do that but maybe after ML you could rub his back or something that he really enjoys or even when you are planning his homecoming dont make it just s#x make it special and sensual so he knows and remembers what he is missing....dont speak about R unless he does and if he does use your DBing skills to the max....think about it Yoyo this I think could be a positive way to make him see what he has been missing out on as before you seem to have been just using each other for s#x so I think make this one special as you obviously still want him back or you wouldn't have been so up and down this past week that he has been away....After the session though it will be DBing all the way, validate him, let him start R talks and then just see......cant wait for him to get back myself now I am curious to see what happens, I am excited for you but take it easy and try not to build up your hopes to high...KDU

Kim... You know, amidst all these positives, there are reality issues...like bills and such. I mean, how do you keep DBING and being nice and patient, when the WAS doesn't seem to really care about the REAL issues? I mean I want to live in the clouds and all. Validate, be nice, no R talks etc etc...but what about BILLS???? *sigh* I think I just backslid a wee bit...I text H about his mobile bill. The mobile company called me up to harp me about payment, and I just paid his bill 2 weeks ago (which he still owe me the $$), and another one is due? The amount is more than the last one. I texted H to tell him that he need to check if the bill is correct when he gets back (since he changed the billing address from our home to his office...so that I can't check the number of times that he calls OW!! ). H texted back and said "will check when I get back...trying to sleep now.". Do you think he sounded upset?? I left it at that. Didn't re-text to badger him.

I really want to keep up with being nice and patient and calm, but I really get so upset when I am encountered with bills and more bills. And H is out there spending money and more money. Had a call from his credit card company trying to get me to verify that he is indeed overseas. I've kept quiet sofar, since if I do voice out about his spending, he will get upset. What should I do with regards to all this? I don't want all these issues to un-do all the positives, but it does need some resolution. Anyone has this kind of issues with their WAS? I think one of the reason that we got ourselves to this sitch is also financial issues...Should I just say something like "I am concerned with our financial situation, and I would like you to propose some plans to improve the situation". Or what? I would love to hear from anyone who has the same dilemma. I am a little scared that all these reality issues are gonna make H retreat back and be unhappy about us again. I can see why the OW is soooo good, no talk about bills! Which I am sure she contributed a whole lot of the transactions in the credit cards and phone bills...

*sigh*...Would love to hear some positive methods to resolve these issues... ANyone??

Yoyo I dont have any word of wisdom on that score hopefully someone else does. If H is willing to wait until he gets back then you will have to wait as well. Maybe after that 1st night that I spoke about then the next day if things are still good maybe say something along the lines of. H could we have a chat about our finances as with you moving to your new job soon I would like to get money out of the way now as I am sure you will have enough to deal with when the time comes for you to leave......
That way you are making it sound like it is over the new job but in actual fact you are opening the door for the money discussion, let him talk to you first and listen and then nice and calmly add what you want....like well I would rather not get phone calls about your phone and credit card like I have this past week as I don't know what to say to them....etc etc...Just my idea and trying to do it in DB style. Hopefully somone out there has some good words of advice for you. No I don't think he sounded upset when you rang him probably just tired and annoyed that the phone woke him up. I would just leave that one alone and see what he is like when he rings you next, which I am sure will be when he wakes up....KDU

KDU's advice sounds good...how to bring up financial matters. Better than I did yesterday...though i never harped on how H has been spending his money ( though I wanted to )...I just complained about my own sitch and money, and how H has been eating my food without asking and I'm going into debt just to feed myself and provide supplies for the baby.

H made a comment when he goes out he doesn't blow his money...he nurses one beer for hours ( and thinks about things....you would think that he would think " hey instead of drinking this beer I could buy some diapers", but no ). I know he's not a big drinker but when I see movie ticket stubs ( for 2 people ) lying around the house, new clothes and jewellry...I know he's blowing his money...but never brought that up, just my money problems.

So go with what KDU has said...it sounds like a very gentle way to bring bills up.

glj

Kim/glj - Thanks for the advice. Perhaps I will be patient and wait for H to raise the issue. I mean he would have to sort out his bills before he leaves for his new job, and only then I will talk a little about our finances.

Last night, I texted H to apologise for the night before, and about his credit card, and inquired about his flight details. He texted back, and was oblivious to my apology and he asked "sorry for what?". So, he wasn't angry that I woke him up.

Later in the night, he texted again...still inquiring about the apology. I finally replied his text and told him the apology was for waking him up. Also told him about some other stuff about the boys. He returned my text, but I didn't reply.

At 5.00 am this morning, got another text from H. He said that he will sign his contract for his new job this week and will resign on Monday, and that he will talk to me when he gets back. I am a little scared about the talk...What will he say? We are ok? Or that he is still not sure about us? GOSH....

H texted again....he said that he may have to fly to the foreign country immediately after he gets back. Company X wants him there to finalise some details. So, he may not be at S8's birthday party.... (I have to admit that I have a sudden pang that OW may fly there with him... I know I have to stop obsessing with OW doing this or that. The thought just flew in. I am going to visualise something more pleasant now....)

Trying to Stay POSITIVE for ME!!

Yoyo stop living up to your name. Gosh girl you are so up & down at the moment. Deep breaths calm down and then act. You are right there is nothing you can do about OW so stop giving it airtime in your head. Its funny isn't it as not so long ago I am sure you were giving me similair advice. That is why these boards are so good as what goes around comes around and everyone gets their chance of being helpful to another. Keep strong Yoyo it could all change again by the next text message....KDU

I know I know...There is nothing I can do about OW, and I should waste no energy on her. Anyway, I forgot to post this in my last post....I had a really really horrible nightmare. In it, I dreamt that H disappointed/lied again. ANd this time, real bad...cause I was crying my eyes out. It was so real that when I woke up, I was feeling such strong emotions...YUCKS! Anyway, thank god that it is just a dream, and that it serves as a reminder to not fly up to the clouds yet....

Trying to Stay POSITIVE for ME!!

Oooh I hate those kind of dreams. Usually when I'm bawling my eyes out in my dreams I wake up with tears in my eyes!! Stay positive and not give the OW a thought (easier said than done). Maybe H wants to come home and talk to you about details in regards to his new job and what not. I know how you feel though when they say "I need to talk to you when I get home." My STBXH always said that to me and when it came time to talk he would tell me "Oh never mind, it's nothing." ((((((Yoyo))))))

KDK - Wow..sounds like your dreams were much more intense than mine was. When I woke up, I did feel like sh!t but no tears...I am trying not to think too much about what he wants to talk when he gets back. I have been really busy with S8's birthday party. I feel like I have no breather...I get back to work, and have to work on more light sabres, plus print stuff to decorate the house to look for Star Wars-y. I've still got to pop into the Supermarket during my work lunch time today to get items to fill-up the party packs, which I have not yet started at all!! Plus S8 has been sooooo generous. Not only that he invited his classmates, he told them to bring their siblings as well. I was like how many party packs am I supposed to prepare? So, I absolutely have no idea how many kids are coming. Although I've indicated RSVPs, it's not really common over here that ppl respond. *sigh*

Anyway, H did call again last night...about 8.30 pm (my time). Told me that he's on the way to the airport, and I inquired if he is flying off direct to his new Job's country to sort out the minor details. He said probably not..since it seems really tight...He inquired about S8's party. I don't know if I am reading it right, but seems like he WANTS to make it to S8's party, and is afraid that the little detour might make him miss it. As the line was pretty bad, I kept the convo short. H replied by saying that he would give me a call when he arrives at the transit point...

Actually, I was thinking to myself...these 2 weeks without H wasn't that bad. I mean, technically, I could still live my life well without him. It's just the part that I don't have a man to hug and kiss me...(well, I haven't got that for ages...) and to have s@x with me (this one..would be a problem...) But what I meant was...I still have my friends, my family, my kids, my work, my looks ... all is okay . Although I do love H very much, if he chose to leave us, I think it is really really his loss. But I guess all will be revealed soon. Just got to have patience!

Trying to Stay POSITIVE for ME!

Yeah O.K. Yoyo if you think I believe that your full of it....Easy to say now that he is on his way home but should you ever be on your own remember those words you typed as you do seem to have a good support network (which you may not need but who know) Anyhow we will soon see as he is on his way home - (Yippeee). His talk could be anything so I would just wait and see when he gets back. I bet you are excited at least you have sons party to keep you busy. You are holding us all in suspender's so I really hope for your sake that things go the way you want when he gets home I will keep everything crossed for you Yoyo.....KDU