glj - Thanks for your two cents... I guessed it was just upsetting to be proven right in this case. Anyway, that happened more than 3 weeks ago, and definitely will not bring it up now or hopefully ever. It will just create World War 3 and stir up the "and to think that I was gonna work on our M? I might as well go to OW". So, I guessed in true DBING, I will bury the incident and let it RIP.
H texted me again this morning at 5.30 am!!! To tell me that he is in transit and catching another flight and he would call me when he reached his destination around noon time (my time). And asked about the boys. BUT, at 7.30 am, he called to tell me that he is going to catch his flight soon. I was certainly half-asleep, all I could manage was "Uh uh..we are all still asleep. Err Ok Ok. Bye" Anyway, I did text him when I was more awake . Told him that boys are fine and we are busy with S8's birthday party plans. And his mom visited the boys yesterday and also gave me his late grandma's pearl ring and that we are going out with some friends today.. (show him that life doesn't stop in his absence ?? ) No, he hasn't got the text yet. He didn't call when he arrived. Perhaps he was too tired? I don't know...and shouldn't bother as to why he didn't call.
I have a question..although H has not outrightly ask us to join him. BUT do you think I should OFFER to lend an eye when he picks an apartment/house? Or not say anything about it, and let him sort out everything? Can I suggest that he should get something with a pool so that when the boys visit, they can splash around? What do you guys think? My friend seems to think that I shouldn't mention it at all....
About your question...whether or not you should offer to lend an eye, say nothing or suggest a pool for the boys when you visit...I'm not sure.
If you OFFER to lend an eye when he chooses an apt/house you can come off looking as a 'friend' to him...and that could be good. As for mentioning the pool for the boys, even if you say it's for when you visit, your H may see it more that you want to come with him, and then he might get freaked. So it could go either way, and b/c it can maybe it is better not to say anything...wait to see if he'll ask for your opinion or if he wants you to go look with him when he chooses. If u say nothing then it also forces him to do it all himself, make choices on his own ( at a time when he is still confused and can't make any choices )...which might definately have him knocking on your door for advice or help, ...and that's when u can shine. From what I've seen so far with WASs on this BB, when you really give them their independence, freedom to make thier own choices...reality kicks in that they're alone and then they miss you.
Months ago when I let my H move out and go to OW, he did ( his choice ). Then came back begging to talk, and said " you gave me my freedom and all I could do was think of you the whole weekend ( he was miserable around OW ) "...he came running back. The only problem when that happened was after he came back he went back to his old self, in his comfort zone....live with me and still see me, but run off with OW when he wants to. So BIG guarantee that when I leave for good he'll be more miserable than ever!
Leave your H to make his own choices...and it's a gaurantee that he'll still turn to you. Better that he turns to you then you help him first.
Hey Yoyo sorry you are feeling so unsure of yourself but it would be silly if you felt any other way as H is giving you mixed signals. As Anna says it is probably because he is confused himself. You have been doing so well lately just keep doing what you have been doing it is working even if you can't see it. I think H may be looking for a signal from you to let him know what you are thinking but maybe when he comes back if he mentions new job and place to live just say to him well I don't know what you want so when you have made a decision about whether you want the boys and I to join you sit me down and we will have a chat and discuss it and our option until you have made up your mind about what you would like to happen I am not going to answer your questions. I just feel this isn't shutting the door in his face but it is still self preserving at the same time and make him share his feeling first....Just a thought might not be the right one though but I feel you are stronger each day and will make the right decision. No backsliding for Yoyo so you go girl....DKD
Yoyo letting you know because of my sitch now I have changed my name to something that reflects where I live not how i live as that changes so DKD now is KDU and I will not change it again......
Thanks girls - I will take your advice and not mention about the apartment/house until he asks for my opinion. As it happens, H just called me and I let him speak to the boys. And when I spoke to him, he just said that there is a big typhoon over in Taiwan, and most of his coworkers are not able to fly over from Asia to the states. And he mentioned that he is buying groceries (?? when he is staying in a hotel?? I hate to say it, but my mind is whizzing all over the place. Yucks! Is he playing house with OW? GOSH! I know.. I know..STOP ASSuming!!). This waiting game is quite sh!tty!! He is definitely going overseas to work as I am going to send off his documents over to his new company to get the work permit going. I really have to keep my composure... Later..
NYS - But he gets reimbursements!! Believe me..H is quite a cheapskate!! And he normally stuffs himself on these work trips!! Okay! Okay! I have to stop ASSuming or I'll go mad!
He gets reimbursed but maybe he doesn't want to run up a bill on the company's dime? Anyway, whatever he's doing, if you don't know for sure, don't speculate.
Hi Yoyo-don't really have any advice to add to all the great advice you are getting now. I just wanted to drop by and catch up on your sitch and let you know that I'm thinking of you. Hang in there.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
I think I may have backslid a wee bit. When he called, I was like "What time is it now over there? Where exactly are you? X? I thought it would 15 hours behind our time. Only 13 hours? blah blah blah", AND I texted him and asked about the buying groceries bit and asked if he was staying in a hotel. I know I know! Not DBING but what to do, what is done is done! Just have to stop digging the hole deeper. I am trying to crawl out of the hole now!! Anyway, H said he'll call me tomorrow. I'll see how it goes.
I guessed it was just upsetting to be proven right 
in this case. Anyway, that happened more than 3 weeks ago, and definitely will not bring it up now or hopefully ever. It will just create World War 3 and stir up the "and to think that I was gonna work on our M? I might as well go to OW". So, I guessed in true DBING, I will bury the incident and let it RIP. 
Anyway, I did text him when I was more awake 
