Many of our media icons are forty and fifty plus. They are making the effort to bring the issue of sexuality as we age to the forefront. AARP regularly features articals about sex/sexuality.
There was a report on the news just last week about a new group of people being affected by AIDS; postmenapausal women. Some women who are not in a monogamous relationship and no longer have a need for birth control are not using condoms and in some cases are turning up HIV positive. The woman being interviewed was nearing her sixtys. She said that AIDS was the last thing to cross her mind when she had a tryst with a friend years after being widowed.
I do agree, however, that there is the "celibate as we age" attitude that denigrates sexual growth into our senior years. It is perpetuated mostly by a societal belief that worships youth and constantly seeks replacements for those who have aged beyond it's tightly constrained views of youth and beauty. When men and women stop buying into the myth that youth is better than aging, the elders in this society will be in a better position to provide their youths a solid foundation in which to build their sexuality.
Cinema~on her soapbox this morning.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
Hey there, heart. Welcome to the club no one wants to belong to.
I too, wanted to give my H an out because I had no sex drive. I am thanking my lucky stars that I did not.
Did your marriage start with fireworks and just fizzle somewhere along the line? Have you experienced a decline in sexual desire with past partners? Does your husband give you any indication as to what you can do to improve you situation? Saying he is physically frustrated is a pretty broad declaration. Do you think he would be willing to give you specifics to work on?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
It's a memoir of a divorced retired english teacher who places a personal ad in the New York Review of Books. The ad went, "Before I turn 67--next March--I would like to have a lot of sex with a man I like. If you want to talk first, Trollope works for me." I read an interview of the author on Salon, and must say, was intrigued. Has anyone here read it? From the description, it sounds like required reading for the HDs on the bored and gives me hope for my later life. I'm middle aged, but I ain't dead yet.
SM
"If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment." Henry David Thoreau
Jane Juska was on several TV programs and Discovery Health Channel had other 65 to 75 year old women that liked sex.
The add was more daring than her actual experiences. Jane was selective and did meet several guys, some she went out with. Some she did not like so she dumped them.
Some guys she kind of liked but didn't have sex with. The guy she had the most sex with liked fine dining and books so she found someone compatible in many areas of her life. I did not read the book so don't have all the information.
I think LDW see her as very unusuall. At least BB did.
For a time, I was unsure as to what is a reasonable expectation of a married couple with kids. Our SSM began before we had children, but it took a couple years before I realized, DUH, this is not about being "busy" or being "tired"--he's avoiding me! It was such a shock to my system. Women are constantly bombarded with the message that men are horny devils so it took a while to process my alternative reality.
Anyway, the thing that really cemented my desire for change was a book called "Outlander" by Diana Gabaldon. This is the first of a series of books that follows a husband-wife team throughout their lives. I was so struck by the amount of sex and affection present in their marriage. I began thinking, I want that!, and questioning whether it was normal or desirable to have a hot relationship go belly up and sit back and say, Wellllll that's what happens in long term R's. It really helped me shape and solidify the swirling thoughts in my head, as I dissected my life as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be. It was such a mind screw to realize the HDW/LDH situation I found myself in. This book gave me a blueprint or a way to think so that I could envision a future of affection and sex with my husband--even though we were not in our 20's and had children.
I read a lot of LD women writing, All the messages we see are that sex is everywhere and we feel left out of that.
I agree and disagree with this. There are an awful lot of sexsexsex messages out there, but they are almost exclusively (99.99%??) young people with no attachments. You rarely see, portrayed in any media, a happily married couple with kids who are gettin it on all the time. Is this because there AREN'T any (doubt it) or is the fact that there aren't many couples like this due to the bombardment of info that says that sex disappears once you are married?
I would like to see more exposure of the married-with-kids-and-still-having-sex kind. And empty-nester-sex. And geriatric-sex. Etc.
This was a particularly hard idea to get out of H's head--that it was normal for people to "outgrow" sex.
